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Where have I been???? Where have U been is more like it!!!

posted 5/18/2011 8:59:42 AM |
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  DickSlippery

OMG - has it really been that long since I blogged here??? Wow...it sure didn't seem that long from where I was sitting, but hey...what do I know? Thats right...practically nothing...LOL!

So, what have I been up 2? well...pretty much the same shit as always, actually. I've been writing a little, doing a little photo art, smoking A LOT of weed and doing any and everything I can 2 convince complete strangers 2 email me naked pictures of themselves and/or their friends and neighbors. LOL! Oh yeah...I spent a little time in the custody of the government as well. Not a lot, but still more than enough. LOL

Let me tell U what happened, and then U can tell me if this was some bullshit or not. It was the 7th Anniversary of my marraige and my wife and I had been hanging out all day, spending time together and maybe getting a little high...whatever. Anyway, we decided we wanted a late dinner, so I headed up 2 a mexican joint around the corner 2 grab something 2 eat. May I point out the fact that although it was raining at the time I chose 2 walk since I had been up and didn't want 2 risk driving under the influence, right? Lotta good that did me.

So there I am walking up the street (the restaurant was right around the corner from the apartment, btw) when I see a Sacramento County Sheriff's vehicle up ahead of me. Wait a minute...it would probably be helpful if U knew what street I was talking about, huh? Fair Oaks Blvd is the street in question. For those of U who have never been 2 Sacramento all U need 2 know is that it is one of Sacramento's main arteries, fully four lanes wide and complete with a center divide separating traffic. In other words...its a big-ass street.

ANYWAYS...so Im heading northbound up FO Blvd and by now the fucking rain is coming down at a pretty good clip. Im not worried about it though, cause like I said the place was like right fucking there. Im maybe two businesses away when I spot a Sheriff's cruiser up ahead. Im still not all that worried about it, though, cause i can see he is further north than I plan on walking, so whatevers clever I ain't trippin, right?

Thats what I thought, cause right about then this over enthusiastic motherfucker sees me and drives his car against fucking traffic 2 reach me, right? Then he whips up N2 the parking lot of some fucking veternarian or some shit and his partner steps out of the vehicle and says,"How are U tonight, sir? We're just out introducing ourselves 2 the folks." (keep in mind that the fucking rain is really starting 2 come down now and I am literally less than 100 feet from my destination)"U wouldn't happen 2 be on probation or parole, would U sir?"

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! Is this really fucking happening right now? Are U fucking serious? Don't worry...dont trip...U weren't doing anything wrong. Just answer the man's questions and we'll be on our way. "No, sir, I'm not." I honestly answered the deputy.

"Great...would U happen 2 have any identification with U?" I handed over my ID and he passed it 2 his partner behind the wheel. He ran my name and found this stupid fucking misdemeanor ticket that I shouldn't even have and have already been cut loose several times over the same exact ticket, but I just never got around 2 going down and actually taking care of the fucking thing, right? Boy was that a mistake I wont make again.

Cause what happened next really fucking sucked. He restrained my hands and began searching my pockets and shit. It didn't take very long for him 2 come across my little sack of dope I was holding...like a half gram of shit if that, I swear. The only reason I even had it on me was cause i didnt want 2 leave it with the dope fiends while I was gone. Another mistake I hope 2 have learned from, btw.

So...needless 2 say i get rolled up. No big whoop...my wife posts bond for me and Im out in nine or ten hours. I could have been worse, right? Anyway, I get out and I go talk 2 my Public Defender. "OMG U were just ewalking up the street miding ur own business??? This is a SLAM-DUNK VIOLATION of ur civil rights!" In retrospect perhaps "slam-dunk" was 2 strong a description, cause things didn't get any better for me at my preliminary hearing.

First of all, the judge was a complete dick. Then the cop comitted fucking perjury (I shit U not...the prick actually changed his goddamn testimony on the stand!), then the prosecutor rested her case without entering the dope N2 evidence (a fact which my attorney pointed out, mind U) and the judge allowed her 2 re-open her case and submit her evidence. Needless 2 say, I lost. Having lost the prelim meant that I had no defense so I took the deal they were offering of 150 days suspended so long as I complete this drug program. No big deal, right?

Except I shouldnt have been in this bullshit situation 2 begin with and now they want me 2 do what? For how fucking long? Are U fucking with me? I didnt do anything wrong!!!

So I took off! Fuck it...my case is up for appeal and I didnt see any reason 2 stick around here in Sacramento waiting 2 hear the good news, so I split and went 2 San Diego for like six months. I would have stayed longer, but I couldnt find work. So, I ended up back in Sac hiding out for another six months awaiting the outcome of my appeal 2 the 9th Curcuit Court, right? Im sure U can tell how well that worked out.

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS

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Comments:

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DickSlippery

May 18 @ 9:07AM  
That actually led 2 another year of me ducking and running before they finally caught up with me a couple of weeks before Halloween. The day I got caught was actually the only bit of good luck I had going for me throughout this entire fucked up experience, cause I went ahead and did my time and got released on Christmas Eve, which was kind of nice. Honestly? I probably could have done without it.

Well, thats how I spent my Fall, and Ive just been using the time since 2 get my life back 2gether and get used 2 living without having 2 look over my shoulder all the fucking time. Its not as easy as it sounds.

I have been getting some of my naughty emails, though (although not nearly as much as I would like!!!) and I found a new website I want 2 talk someone N2 posting some pics on! Check this out and let me know what U think!

CLICK HERE!!!!!

keeping U posted,

DS
Wordsofwit

May 18 @ 9:08AM  
I have known people who have had similar experiences, but most of them were teenagers
sugarnspice005

May 18 @ 10:15AM  
I have known people who have had similar experiences, but most of them were teenagers

Take a little tour of the county jail once...you'd be amazed at how many adults are sitting in there for what DS just described.

Anyway, welcome back DS..place has been too damned quiet with you gone. No more jail vacations Got it?
Luvrgrl

May 18 @ 2:37PM  
Well GEEEZUZ mother Fucking KEEEEERISSST! It's about fucking time you showed your ugly mug in here!

I have been meaning to ask you what the hell happened to you.....I guess there were other more important things going on!

Well don't be a stranger k?????

Luv ya babe!
RJ53

May 18 @ 3:17PM  
Welcome back!

Once I got a little trip downtown for standing somewhere passing out fliers about a tribal meeting in South Dakota. They charged me with trying to incite a riot. The idiot who tried to arrest me forgot two things 1 there were about 200 witnesses and 2 he did not read me my rights which everyone also witnessed.

Sounds like you had a cop who had not met his arrest quota for the month. Yeah it is some bullshit but that is pretty much what you get with the legal system in this country.

Sunshine79

May 23 @ 4:32PM  
Only you Mr. Parker, only you!!!!!! Glad to see you back!

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Where have I been???? Where have U been is more like it!!!