"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
"Ahm fixin ta do that"
"I'll slap you so hard, when you wake up, your clothes will be outta style."
"This'll jar your preserves."
"Don't you be makin' me open
a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"
"Cute as a sack full of puppies."
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."
"Gooder than grits."
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt
in a pepper patch."
Wintery roads are said to be
"slicker than otter snot."
A bothersome person is
"like a booger that you can't thump off."
When something is bad then you say,
"that ain't no count."
If something is hard to do, it's
"like trying to herd cats."
"He ran like his feet was on fire
and his butt was catchin."
"She's uglier than homemade soap."
"Your momma's so fat,
when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed,
it said 'To be continued'."
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead."
Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart." like:
"She's dumber than a door knob,
bless her heart."
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May 16 @ 8:44AM
Another compliment from the south.....
"it's so good it'll make you want to smack your momma"
May 16 @ 9:45AM
Y'all forgot "hotter/colder than dammit".
May 16 @ 10:38AM
Your momma's so fat
Fat girls are like mopeds, a lot of people ride them but they don't want there friends to find out.
He is so fat he steps on a dollar bill and makes change.
I don't mind having sex with two women but they have to be different people.
He is so fat that when he wore a Good Year hat, he was mistaken for a blimp.
Her butt is so big, she got stopped at the airport for having 200 pounds of crack!
Is all of this one person?
When it comes to sex I am like an orthodox Jew, I don't eat pork.
When he backs up a bell starts dinging
She is a large woman who is a runway model, she works at the airport.
The last time I saw an ass like that it had a tail on it.
He is so fat when he walked by a construction site they used him as a wrecking ball.
She is so fat, once she jumped in the water, and everyone ran out yelling, "Tsunami!"
He is so fat he took his pants to the dry cleaners and the lady said, "we don't do curtains".
She is so fat, I take her panties and I use them as the main sail of my yacht.
The guy is so fat, he leaves footprints in concrete!
He was so fat when he stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."
She is so fat she baptized at Sea World.
He is so fat, when he wore a yellow jacket downtown, someone yelled, "Hey, Taxi."
She is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices.
May 16 @ 2:10PM
I grew up hearing those phrases from others. If any one of the kids in our family had said any of that we would have been getting "the look" from one or both of our grandparents. LOL