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A poem more for the ladies and some info...

posted 5/9/2011 10:04:37 AM |
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  somnium

This was sent to me from a friend- I did chuckle a little Ok... so the info bit, is probably at least as old as AMD is!

Women's Poem

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.

Mens Poem

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac
With big tits who owns a bar on a golf course,
And loves to send me fishing and drinking.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
__________________________________________

I f you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb..
(Now that's more like it !)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.... ...)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light..
(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out . )

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

(Do the dolphins know about the pig?)


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Comments:

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flavorbuster

May 9 @ 11:01AM  
Interesting information but aren't you supposed to stick a pig rather than having it stuck on you ?
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Dead bugs, fish, animals, & possibly a human or two, not to mention bug piss & shit, fish piss & shit, animal piss & shit, human piss & shit !!! Well it aint fish & chips.
You cant tell me you never pissed & pooped in it.

Stagnant pond water....
I know I've hung my ass off the side of the boat because there was no time to reach the shore & sure as Hell didn't want to endure a bumpy ride to a private spot to take a dump. It was my choice shit on myself or shit in the water & you might think I was stuck w/o wiping ... Oh no from experience TP was in the tackle box !!!
sugarnspice005

May 9 @ 12:12PM  
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

It would be SO easy to say it...........but I won't.

Loved the poems!

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A poem more for the ladies and some info...