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Osama Bin Laden Killed While Sitting On Toilet, Nation Likes To Imagine

posted 5/2/2011 5:46:58 PM |
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tagged: joke, satire
  RevDocLove

Onion
May 2, 2011 | ISSUE 47•18

Osama bin Laden, 54-year-old leader of the international terrorist group al-Qaeda and mastermind of the 9/11 attacks that took nearly 3,000 American lives in 2001, was killed early Monday morning in Pakistan while sitting on the toilet, the U.S. populace took great pleasure in imagining today.

“Just thinking about the stupid look on that evil bastard’s face when those Navy SEALs kicked in the bathroom door and started blasting away—it’s so totally priceless,” said Queens, NY resident Rachel Sumner, one of 311 million Americans who reveled in a fictional scenario in which bin Laden met his gruesome and humiliating end while sitting on the commode, humming to himself, and reading a newspaper.
“And him frantically trying to pull up his boxer shorts seconds before some badass Special Forces guy blows his head off—ha, ha! What a fucking moron.”

Some Americans have disputed this fabricated version of bin Laden’s death, explaining they prefer to imagine the terrorist leader being surprised by Navy SEALs while wearing bright red lipstick, trying on ladies’ clothing, sashaying in front of a full-length mirror, and saying,
“Who’s the prettiest little girl? Osama's the prettiest little girl!”

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Comments:

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sugarnspice005

May 2 @ 6:21PM  
Kinda like someone else huh?
Wordsofwit

May 2 @ 7:01PM  
Murder on the turder
RevDocLove

May 2 @ 7:24PM  

1 hr 1 min ago
Kinda like someone else huh

Come to think of it, yeah
Wordsofwit

May 2 @ 7:54PM  
This is interesting, Sohaib Athar who ironically titles his Twitter page as "An IT consultant taking a break from the rat-race by hiding in the mountains with his laptops" reported the whole thing live on Twitter without knowing what was really happening at the time.
40DWM

May 2 @ 7:57PM  
On the way home from work, one radio station had someone that claimed to
know what went down. Said Osama was hiding (human shield) behind one
of his wives when a SEAL put one just above his left eye.
Gee......what a Martyr........died cowering behind a woman
tassie1

May 2 @ 10:32PM  
yeah and fuckit, i'm doin any of that secret navy seal shit for you lot again either .
i go to all that trouble of shooting him and all i get is a t-shirt that reads;
i shot bin laden an all i got was this lousy t-shirt.


and so much for Borty's bullet proof , shit free panties he was wearing at the time, phat lotta good they did him, maybe he shoulda been wearing them on his head.
orzie

May 2 @ 10:57PM  
have to agree with Ladin America puts it nose where it doesnt belong and for the money it took to find him we could have built 100 wordtrade centers what the hell mabey a couple in the D.on the detroit river side
Wordsofwit

May 3 @ 12:01AM  
America puts it nose where it doesnt belong and for the money it took to find him we could have built 100 wordtrade centers what the hell mabey a couple in the D.on the detroit river side


Well, Orzie, there is a thread, albeit a moving target, of John Wayne in this country. I am blasted as liberal dem. on here, yet I am pleased and totally on board with taking out the mother fucker.

The job that needed to get done got done by our military. There was no variance between George Bush or Barrack Obama on this issue. On this one point America agreed, left/right, democrat/republican. The job got done. See you in hell, Osama.

Thanks again, to our men and women serving our nation
RevDocLove

May 3 @ 9:07AM  
Too bad we'll never know just who terminated him
Although the team is slated for CMH's,
We'll never hear a name or see a face
wbfl37

May 3 @ 10:54AM  
I bet he shit his pants when he heard american soldiers.

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Osama Bin Laden Killed While Sitting On Toilet, Nation Likes To Imagine