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Just a little something to smile at

posted 4/15/2011 11:43:46 AM |
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Yes, I'm sure it's been around quite a few times..but, just thought I'd paste this for some to get a giggle, (and some "hell yeahs"! ) Enjoy:

Why Women Are Crabby

We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find
that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds
hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously
uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would
snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along
with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone
crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert
tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which
was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your
nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart
before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers
and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning
over Brother John . Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we
are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us
steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were
preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a wholewatermelon and we
pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the
dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle
of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in
pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says,
'Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. 'Just one
more good push' (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved
impulse to punch the %$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for
making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball
through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when
all that 'cute' wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into
walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop

Then come their 'Teen Years.' Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime
in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th

So we progress into the grand finale: 'The Menopause', the Grandmother
of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now
seasoned 'buds' or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a
hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head
off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get
off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in
the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi
a tad crabby. You think women are the 'weaker sex'? Yeah right. Bite me.



Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulders and your hand over my mouth .

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

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post a comment!


Apr 15 @ 12:29PM  
Awww geez..thanks for the view run up loser.

Apr 15 @ 4:08PM  
And that only goes to reinforce my blog

Apr 15 @ 5:32PM  
Read this about a dozen times by now...but this is one that never gets old. I stil send it on to most people on my friends list.

Apr 15 @ 6:36PM  
This one never gets old It needs to be read and reread.

Apr 15 @ 7:36PM  
Awww geez..thanks for the view run up loser.

I got the elevated views also on a benign blog of mine that was boring IMO.

It leads me to recall my oh too cool late uncle, the millionaire in the family, and San Francisco attorney. On Friday, after five, he always said the week was done and declared it to be cocktail hour. It is that way on AMD, but in a completely different way It is time for the incarnation of our dearly beloved to appear and then evaporate like piss on a Texas sidewalk in August. Romeo, Romeo, where art thou, Romeo?

We have heard a lot of lame, stale jokes today, now where is the lamest and stalest joke of all on AMD... you're late...Brenna I am sure is waiting as am I and others for the next incarnation.

Apr 15 @ 7:46PM  
Now ya can't bitch at us anymore if we mention "it".

I have a feeling he is already "testing the waters".

Apr 16 @ 9:52AM  
Damn I just noticed this but perhaps it's just a little insight on what I'm bitching about this morning.

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Just a little something to smile at