Just a little something to smile at posted 4/15/2011 11:43:46 AM | 0 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: smile

sugarnspice005

Yes, I'm sure it's been around quite a few times..but, just thought I'd paste this for some to get a giggle, (and some "hell yeahs"! ) Enjoy:

Why Women Are Crabby

We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find
that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds
hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously
uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would
snap until we had calluses on our backs.


Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along
with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone
crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert
tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which
was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your
nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart
before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.


Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers
and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning
over Brother John . Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we
are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us
steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were
preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.


Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a wholewatermelon and we
pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the
dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle
of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in
pain all the way to the ER.


Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says,
'Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. 'Just one
more good push' (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved
impulse to punch the %$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for
making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball
through a keyhole.


After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when
all that 'cute' wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into
walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop
machines.


Then come their 'Teen Years.' Need I say more?


When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime
in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th
birthday.


So we progress into the grand finale: 'The Menopause', the Grandmother
of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now
seasoned 'buds' or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a
hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head
off anything that moves.


Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get
off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in
the woods without soaking their socks...


So, while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi
a tad crabby. You think women are the 'weaker sex'? Yeah right. Bite me.
____________________________________________________________________

GOOD FRIENDS ARE THE RARE JEWELS OF LIFE...
DIFFICULT TO FIND AND IMPOSSIBLE TO REPLACE!
____________________________________________________________________
HAVE A GREAT DAY TODAY
AND A BETTER TOMORROW!
____________________________________________________________________

Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulders and your hand over my mouth .
AMEN

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