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Whose your mama?? Not me!!!

posted 3/27/2011 7:43:33 PM |
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  ladybootscooter

As many of you know I ended things a couple months back with the guy I'd been seeing. Well springtime is here, the weather is getting warmer (well up until this weekend's freak ice storm) and I'm starting to get out more. I've been going out and hearing live music on the weekends. Making plans to attend the Mid America Freedom Rally coming up Memorial Day weekend and thought it might be nice to have someone to share these moments with. So while I've not been actively seeking here, yeah I've been cheating on AMD with another dating site. I'd posted a pic there and a short profile of what I was interested in and so far I've been getting quite a bit of attention. Even had a lunch date last week and may have another this next week.

Now here's the "rub" so to speak. I put on my profile that all my kids are over 18. That's an option you can check on there. I thought that would be enough to deter anyone with kids still at home. Apparently not. Three times now I've told one man that I didn't think we had that much in common. But he just kept persisting "I want to get to know you". Now he has listed on his profile that he has younger children, that he gets every other weekend. "They are his world". I perfectly understand this feeling of his toward his offspring. My son was my world, before him, my step kids were my world. But my world has changed, evolved if you will. I now live in a childless home. And while I miss my son being around, I will not lie and say I don't enjoy the freedom I now have. So I wrote this man back and told him that I really didn't want to start any kind of relationship with someone that still had children at home part time or full time. As mine are grown I don't care to take on that responsibility with anyone else's.

After I wrote back to him explaining that I just don't want to go there, I posted an "UPDATE" on my profile, explaining this very thing as well. I figure if men can put on their profiles that they aren't interested in a BBW and I find that acceptable, why wouldn't it be acceptable for me to say I don't wanna raise your kids???

He was not amused is putting it lightly! I just opened up my messages there and found a scorcher from him because he's "glad I found out what kind of woman you really are now instead of later!" Blah, Blah, Blah, ad nauseum....Tried to answer him back and tell him that no, it wasn't my loss at all, but found that I've been blocked! Well thank goodness for that maybe he'll leave me alone now!

So my question to you fellow Pervians, is it so wrong of me to NOT want to raise any more kids? I've been raising kids since I was 20. Which for those of you that are math challenged, that's 28 of my 48 years!!! I'm tired. I'm done. So if that makes me a selfish bitch or a horrible person, so be it.

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And this time I mean it.........
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Comments:

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PinkToeNails

Mar 27 @ 7:50PM  
Nope! Nothing wrong with that at all Stormy!!!!!!!! Good for you!! It doesn't make you a bad person.. it makes you someone who doesn't want to raise anymore children! You've raised yours and now it's time for you to live your life! And your own grandchildren will come soon enough and those will be the kids you will want in your life! Sorry he couldn't handle that! But, if he didn't have young children, had raised his own already, he would probably feel the same!

I was seeing a guy for the past 3 years that has two younger kids and looking back, I'm so glad things didn't work out with him. I just don't want to deal with those teenage years again from someone elses kids. Teachers and schooling and bullies and ballgames and all that shit.... not for me!!

I'm glad you stood up for yourself and if he can't handle it... fuck him!
funnywhapper

Mar 27 @ 7:52PM  
as as hit and run guerilla type, well, i can't blame it at all.
takes such concentration to do that. nice to see your car around
the corner at sushi station oh, about a week ago or so. i was walking home
in the rain..my old spy friend tanya togigucci saved us all, from immediate
retaliation from japan and chopin. 'sunny came home' by shawn colvin.
i play it now, tired of yardbirds. backyard birds..soon april fools day. it
was not a joke, on april fools day. april fool, this is not april fool. and everyone
thinks that its just some april fools day joke. but it isn't at all.
sugarnspice005

Mar 27 @ 7:57PM  
No, it most definitely is NOT wrong of you to not want to raise anymore kids. You raised your kids, they are out in the world now doing their own things, and now it's your turn to live your life your way. And no, it does not make you selfish either.

Get out there and enjoy yourself.

christy2mash

Mar 27 @ 8:05PM  
Some people just don't like rejection and have to turn it around somehow so it's not them.
RJ53

Mar 27 @ 8:07PM  
Nothing wrong with that at all. I am with you I am not interested in being a mom to small or teenage kids now. Some men on the sites do not seem to understand that a lot of us have been there and done that.

I had my four year old grandsom for the afternoon yesterday and while I love him dearly, I am so happy at the end of the visit that I can send him home to his parents.
RevDocLove

Mar 27 @ 8:15PM  
Ain't nuthin' wrong with finally enjoying your life..
Have fun while you're young enough to enjoy it..
ladybootscooter

Mar 27 @ 8:19PM  
You know I remember wanting my son so badly. Especially after I lost one in '82 and then lost his twin also. I spent 4.5 months flat of my back in bed to keep from losing him. But that was nearly 22 years ago. I'm tired of being a "mommy". I'm ready to get out and enjoy life again! With no worries of getting home to the kids or arranging for babysitters or .......well hell, you all know the drill! Thanks, cos he had me feeling just pretty damn selfish at first. I almost, mind you I didn't, but I ALMOST went back into my profile and removed that update. Then I thought bullshit. This is me. Love me or don't, I don't really care, but I'm not gonna lie about who I am or what I want just to get what I didn't want to begin with!!!
Wordsofwit

Mar 27 @ 8:39PM  
Now here's the "rub" so to speak. I put on my profile that all my kids are over 18. That's an option you can check on there.

I never saw that!!! I saw have one/more don't want anymore. But that is probably irrelevant. Anyone with a brain should be able to figure out at my age, the only pitter patter of little feet I want to hear comes from four legs. Yet, I get the scammers younger than my daughter searching for the future father of their children. I am more than happy to help them, but I have had a vasectomy. Unless there is an inquiry, it is "don't ask, don't say". There is the old axiom that "All is fair in love and war". Well, in these cases, neither apply.
Wordsofwit

Mar 27 @ 8:47PM  
Let me also add that there is a big problem with single parents not understanding that those of us who have seen it, done it, and the kid stole the tee shirt, have zero interest in revisiting it!!!!! They get very resentful, tough titty...I served my time in hell.

This is an excerpt from a blog I posted three years ago on this subject"

In my case, unless the kid was 15 and an exceptionally fine young person, no way. I have been a single parent and she turned out to be a fine woman...after being an alien force for a decade. There was no warning at the age of ten that my little darling would star in a reprise of Linda Blair’s role in a remake of The Exorcist in just three years. I cannot express how delightful it is to now go to bed at night without being concerned about a call in the middle of the night from the hospital, police, or her mother.

Pam Anderson may be the ideal girlfriend if she lives next door. There are two reasons for that: one of her kids is eleven and the other is ten. I don't mind hearing the pitter patter of little feet around the house as long as the creatures have four feet.
Wordsofwit

Mar 27 @ 8:55PM  
Oh, let me slide you a kudo...good read Stormy.

I'd posted a pic there and a short profile of what I was interested in and so far I've been getting quite a bit of attention. Even had a lunch date last week and may have another this next week.

Don't try so hard on the men, patience is a virtue they say. Life is a marathon, not a sprint!
ynot7769

Mar 27 @ 8:56PM  
is it so wrong of me to NOT want to raise any more kids? I've been raising kids since I was 20.

wrong?? HELL YOU'D BE NUTS to wana do it more
PeachyKeen

Mar 27 @ 10:19PM  
I am constantly amazed at how many men go off on women for stating their preferences clearly. I know women do the same to men on these sites, so I am not bashing either gender.

I've found the majority of mature men (55+) are not that interested in actually dating. All they want is a pen pal or a chat buddy or they are looking for a cook/housekeeper or at best a pal to hang out. Some of the younger ones are seeking women to help raise their children. There isn't anything wrong with that, but not all of them are upfront about it. A few younger men are looking for mature women, but it's for play time and nothing serious.

You have every right to stipulate what you will and will not do, what you are interested in, etc. If I'm not interested, I've learned that a short, polite response is best. I do not attempt to explain my motives... it only gives them ammo to shoot you down. I ignore the jerks... delete is usually good enough, but occasionally you have to block a royal pest when they just can't accept "no" as an answer.

I haven't done a lot of the online dating thing, but my limited experience thus far has convinced me I'm not a good candidate for it OR that I'm not good dating material. I get bored very easily and tire of the "work" required just to get to the point to meet someone. Even when you do meet, it's a toss up whether there's anything substantial enough to go out on a real date. Maybe I'm lazy, but it requires more work than I'm willing to invest. I know some women make a full-time project out of it... they meet two or three men per week for coffee, lunch or dinner plus they have at least one to two dates a week. I think that's great if that's what you want to do, but I just can't bring myself to meet someone when I can tell after a couple of emails or a phone call that I'm not really interested in them.

The ones that look good on virtual paper whom I think may have potential have turned out to be flakes in one way or another. However, the two or three I've met and actually spent some time with were very nice, but not "the" one. The other two I've met, talk to on the phone or email are real, long term friends. So I know there are good people out there, but it's like looking for a needle in a haystack.

So, if there is any man out there that really wants to get to know me have to put in the effort. I haven't given up completely, but I'm not on the open market either at this point. Until a substantial man puts himself before me and proves he really is interested in me and I'm interested in as well, I'll keep flying solo.

I hope you find a swell fella to attend the rally with... it is much nicer going places with someone you enjoy being.

Sorry for the long comment... your blog kinda yanked my chain. Here's a greenie for a good one!
girlcountry

Mar 27 @ 10:36PM  
yan know, I'm 50 , going on 51 real fast and I don't want the pitter patter of little feet either! Unless it's my grandkids and they go home, thank god! So, you go, girl and stick to your guns!
ladybootscooter

Mar 27 @ 10:43PM  
Thanks ya'll! I know my "update" on my profile there may lose me another lunch with the guy I went out with last week, but that's ok. He is a good man and he's a damned good father. He's raised three kids by himself for the past 7 years. (we dated a few times a few years ago) And that's why I kind of backed away then. I didn't want to raise more kids! My son was nearly grown then and he had a then 7 yr old, now 13 year old son! I damn sure don't want to go through the teenage years all over again! Been there, done that and lost my of my t-shirts to them! Along with my sanity! I just feel if a man can say he's looking for a short/petite/small busted/ skinny/ toned/blond/what-the-fuck-ever that doesn't describe me, and I don't find this offensive at all, then I should be able to say I don't want any more kids! I appreciate all the support in this though. He really made me stop and think for a nano second if I was being a total bitch about it! Nope, didn't think so!
1bunny629

Mar 27 @ 11:52PM  
Your life, your rules. Men think they can make all the decisions and have no respect or tolerence for woman that make their own rules. they lose...you win.
Wordsofwit

Mar 28 @ 1:10AM  
I have lost a lot of hair. What remains is grey. The reason dates back 20 years ago and she is now in rural Missouri getting paid back by my grandson
mrknowuwell

Mar 28 @ 6:41AM  
i can understand your preference.........but if its just a date......or a buddy type thing......why so picky? ......cant guys with kids be your friend??
theSkwirl

Mar 28 @ 3:16PM  
Honestly, Mr.KUW, maybe.. .a lot of single dads who are 'friends' with women who been there, done that.. expect em to wanna babysit.. I'm not pining for kids that hard yet.. let me tell ya. I'm looking forward to when my daughter and her husband are financially able to move out and give me grandkids.. in that order. I don't wanna spend my time watching someone else' kids. It almost always leads to frictions.
Ewe_Wish

Mar 28 @ 7:26PM  
You know Stormy, My daughter and I moved back in together when I was really sick. With her comes this bundle of joy that is going on 5 yrs old. I wouldn't trade my granddaughter for anyone.......but I still can get up and go at leisure as she is not my responsibility she is her mothers. That is not to say I don't babisit because I do.......if I dont have something else planned or if I don't feel up to it. But in the same respect my daughter doesn't ask very often. My boyfriend has grown children also and although the one who is the poster child for bi-polarism and is a great pain in the ass........she isn't my problem and when I have had enough of the "Lindsey" problems...........I just walk away from it. I am there when he needs to vent but all in all...........she isn't a problem because I dont allow her to be...............but i have said here before and I will repeat it............I raised my children............love them to bits............I have grandchildren............but unless there was a great catastrophe I will not raise them. I will be here for moral support and love but thats where it ends..............I do not.....will not...........ever even consider being with someone who has children still at home age............I am finally at a spot in my life to have a life..............and I dont think there is a damn thing wrong with saying it..........better to say it from the beginning than find it out later.....

Good to see you Stormy...............lubs you!!
ladybootscooter

Mar 28 @ 7:54PM  
Mr. KUW, I notice that on your profile here you have "yes absolutely wants children". That's all fine and well. But I'm 48 and have raised kids for well over half my life! My time has come to enjoy life as I and possibly a partner chooses. I'm done with the school conferences, chaperoning field trips and dances, sitting on hard bleachers for hours on end watching school sporting events, sitting outside schools long into the cold dark night waiting on a bus to pull in from wherever it's been, from being awakened in the night by a sick child or even a teenager that has just snuck in past curfew. I'm done with all that and more. Now the men that had been writing to me were seeking Long Term Relationships, as I had also put on my profile. I'm in it for the long haul. Granted it's not going to start out that way, but isn't it better to state up front what it is you're seeking than to lead someone on and then later down the road say " oh wait, you thought we were gonna be serious? oh no, I'm just looking for a buddy / friend" So I'm laying it all out from the very beginning. I think it will actually shorten the process in the long run, as you know right away if you want to even meet someone, much less get to know them better if you know right from the start they are seeking the same thing you are. Now if my elimination of daddies with kids at home causes me to sit home many more nights alone, oh well, I've already done that so what have I really cost myself?

There's also the 50/50 chance that things won't work out. You've just gotten attached to kids, that are no longer in your life. Been there done that too. In recent months I've rebuilt a relationship with my former step kids and it's great. My former step daughter and I speak nearly daily now on Facebook, but I've been out of her life for 14 years, after raising her for 13 years! Simply because I didn't want to make her choose sides, or interfere with any relationship she might build with her current step mom. (my ex is serial husband, never single for more than a year or so at a time! Then it's back down the aisle!) It's hard on the kids too, and I just don't want to go back down that road again!

Sam and Dayna, and all the others that agreed with my view point, thanks for your comments and your support in this!
TwistAndShout

Mar 28 @ 9:36PM  
I raised my son on my own. When he was young I dated, but never very seriously. I knew that if there was ever a conflict, parenting would have to come first. Now that I'm past that, I'd be hard pressed to date a woman with kids still at home. I did my parenting and I'm done.
Wordsofwit

Mar 28 @ 9:56PM  
I do not.....will not...........ever even consider being with someone who has children still at home age............I am finally at a spot in my life to have a life..............and I dont think there is a damn thing wrong with saying it..........better to say it from the beginning than find it out later.....
Wordsofwit

Mar 28 @ 10:04PM  
There's also the 50/50 chance that things won't work out.
Hell, Stormy, if you are single, unless you are widowed, none of them worked out. Fifty/fifty, my ass...stop, look back, do the math. I am not saying give up on happily ever after at all. However, by the time we transcend to the final third of our life, we may need to look at our horse's track record and reassess those odds with a bit more reality based upon our past

ladybootscooter

Mar 28 @ 10:09PM  
Bruce on my 50/50 scale, I wasn't speaking only of my own relationships. I was making the point that while some relationships do work out, half do not. It affects the children as well. But thanks for the math lesson anyway.
casuallylooking

Mar 29 @ 12:25AM  
Nope...not wrong at all. Just being straight forward and honest from the beginning so there are no misunderstandings and/or hurt feelings later.

He should be thankful for that, not nasty about it.
It's not like you lead him on or anything.

Kudos for your honesty...
Wordsofwit

Mar 29 @ 7:51AM  
Bruce on my 50/50 scale, I wasn't speaking only of my own relationships.

I was being rhetorical referring to anyone who is currently not in a relationship.

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