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Dating and the Single Career Mom

posted 3/9/2011 8:13:51 PM |
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tagged: dating, people, life
  KitKat25

I received a humerous email from Luvrgrl the other day describing her latest dating dilemma. Her email was so humerous to me because I can recall some very frantic days during my late 20's and early 30's when I was trying to have it all. Yanno...I am woman hear me roar? That meant having a career...being a mom...dating...and actually attempting to clean my house and do laundry on a semi-regular basis. Oh...and did I mention volunteering as a basketball coach and working a fair amount of overtime? Obviously...plants and pets were not an option at this time in my life because I would have killed them all.

When I look back on some of those days...I have to shake my head in amazement...because I do not know what I was thinking...or how I even made time for a social life. I think I averaged around 4 hours of sleep per night for 10 years...and then I would make up the difference on Saturday or Sunday mornings by trying to sleep in a few extra hours. Sometimes it worked...sometimes it didn't...because as I was becoming more social with my age group...so was my son.

You've never lived through true chaos until you've hosted a preteen sleepover. My initiation into this wild and crazy world saw me supervising 6 boys. I have no idea what was I thinking? To say mealtimes were crazy is understatement...which is why the pizza places in my neighborhood were my best friends. Sleepover is really a misnomer...because the boys rarely slept more than a few hours. They were way too busy doing boy things...which usually included some kind of experiment or building project. Regardless of how hectic these sleepovers could be...I was fine with them because my son had a lot of fun...and so did I.

On the weekends when I wasn't hosting a house full of boys...I usually had a date. Sometimes I even had more than 1 date...which is where it gets a little bit interesting. You see...I got so tired of being fixed up on blind dates...and since I wasn't going to church...or to bars...and I was too busy hanging out with my son's friends...it really didn't leave a lot of dating options open to me...unless I was willing to pick-up a guy at the grocery store or a gas station.

So I got this bright idea after a girl's lunch one day...to place a personal ad in one of the local papers. Actually...if I'm being honest...after I made fun of some of the ads listed in said paper...one of my girlfriends dared me to do a better job...and I thought it might be an interesting experience...so I accepted her challenge.

I think my ad went something like this...
Thirty-something-year-old SWF scouting the the area for some new talent. Can be a bit of a tomboy...but cleans up very nicely. Is 5'8 with long blonde hair...hazel eyes...and H/W/P. Must have a great sense of humor...love the outdoors...and enjoy sports. One-night stand junkies need not apply. Looking to have some fun...make new friends... and possible meet someone who is interested in a long-term relationship. If this sounds like you...I'd love to hear from you.

I might has well have put...
Come and get it boys...because my mailbox was constantly full...and my life became a zoo. I was able to place my ad for free...but I could only have 15 minutes a day to check my voice mailbox and if I went over that time frame...I was charged a pricey amount per minute...so I limited myself to the 15 minutes per day.

I'm happy to say I met a lot of great guys from this ad. I also met a lot of different types of guys. I remember dating a professional football player...a lawyer...an artist...a doctor...a drummer...and the list goes on. I made a lot of new friends...and I'm still in contact with a few of them to this day.

During this very hectic time in my life...I kept a day-timer so that I could keep up with all of the many appointments I had in my life. But on one particular Friday night...I neglected to pencil in a date I had made weeks before...and found myself with 2 dates...on the same night.

Now this situation would have normally been hectic for anyone...but of course on that day I had to stay late at work because of a huge snafu...and then I had to get my son fed and over to his friend's house before I could even think about getting ready for my date. Once I had the work thing and my son taken care of...I headed back home to grab a quick shower.

During my shower...I received a phone call from date #2 (the one I'd forgotten about) asking if we could push our date back from 8:30 to10:30. Now date #1 was a first date...even though we had talked numerous times on the phone...and he was meeting me at a neighborhood restaurant at 7:30.

At first...I was completely speechless when date #2 called...because I didn't have the appointment written down in my day-timer. Damn! I had had the pleasure of talking with him many times...and we had actually been out on several dates already. What's a girl to do right? Well...right when I was getting ready to let him down gently...and tell him how I had made a huge boo-boo...he asked me in this really disappointed voice, “Did you forget?” Well...I had...but I didn't have the heart to bail...and because I remembered he was working a new gig (drummer)...I knew he was wanting me to catch the show and then go out afterwards. I took a deep breath and said, “I had something come up...and I might be a bit late...but I'll try.”

Continued in comments.

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Comments:

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KitKat25

Mar 9 @ 8:16PM  
After I hung up with date #2...I finished getting ready and raced to meet date #1 at the restaurant. In spite of the crazy day...I had a wonderful time...and even had time to fit in a quick drink and a couple of games of pool before I headed off to meet date #2. Now in retrospect...I realize if I had had to change clothes in between dates...or had to driven a huge distance in between dates...my night would have been disastrous. I was able to leave just in time from date #1...so that I could make it to date #2 on time...and I actually had a great time on both dates.

Would I ever do this again? Hell no! I'm happy to say that neither guy ever found out...because I was just too embarrassed to share this information with either of them. The Drummer (date #2) would have probably laughed about it...the insurance salesman (date #1) not so much. I did go out on a few more dates with the insurance salesman...and I dated the drummer off and on during a 6 month period whenever he was in town. So I'm really glad I didn't stand either of them up.

This is just one of the many crazy things that happened during this time in my life. When I look back on it now...I think to myself...Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City) had nothing on me...because she only had a career and a social life to juggle...I had all that...plus a child. I guess that makes me pretty special eh?
sugarnspice005

Mar 9 @ 9:17PM  
I guess that makes me pretty special eh?

Well, I don't know about the others here, but I've always thought you were special anyway.

Wow, you were one busy girl there for a while. I tease my best friend all the time, she has two teenage sons and both are into sports. Right now, they are on their school's basketball teams. And one is 15 yrs old, so he's taking driver's ed right now. I kid my friend all the time that her mortgage payment is actually an expensive bedroom for her to crash out at when her day is done. This woman is up at 5:30 am Monday thru Friday, and on the weekends, she's up at 7am. And on the go all the time. It's rare to catch her home. And she isn't even dating right now. Between her job and her son's, she's kept very busy.

StraddleMyNose

Mar 9 @ 9:27PM  
This was a very cute story. Thanks for sharing this!
hog77297

Mar 9 @ 11:17PM  
Thanks for the look at a crazy time in your life and the humor that it brought to us all!
RevDocLove

Mar 10 @ 7:41AM  
Been there, done that..I survived
Wordsofwit

Mar 10 @ 10:22AM  
I will comment more later, I only have time to slip a kudo ask why you didn't make it into two different blogs as there are two distinct subjects? Good read
flavorbuster

Mar 10 @ 10:47AM  
Shoot you probably got out dated ... no not as a has been or being old ... Just trying the hook up thing so much it wore you out.
Luvrgrl

Mar 10 @ 11:55AM  
WOW! It feels good to know that someone else actually has lived like I.....do..... but if I'm running around like this at 41 what does that mean???

My life is crazy and I wonder every day how I do it! And I don't even have any kids!!!!! I have on calendar in my purse and two on the wall in my office.....do you think that works???? I don't know how to use the calender on my phone which would probably be a good idea to figure out!

I am happy because I have FUN...I enjoy every crazy moment that life throws at me.....if I didn't....I think I would seriously go crazy! I know I might be living a bit on the edge sometimes....but....thats just how I roll.....never a dull moment and ALWAYS a crazy story to tell!

I'm glad I was able to make you smile Kat! That makes me smile!
Wordsofwit

Mar 10 @ 12:12PM  
Well, shit I had great appropriate comments on both of these subjects I could have pasted in, but I'll be damned if I can remember where I posted them

a preteen sleepover

My ex had four sisters and there were always rotating sleep overs. These were segregated by gender. We never had any problems with the three to five girls. Pizza was always the weapon of choice for dinner and one thing they really liked was teaming up (with supervision) on baking cookies or a cake for dessert. Videos and board games made up the entertainment.

2 dates...on the same night.

I have done that a lot and it was always intentional. I have had three dates, meet ups, rendezvous on the same day several times. In my forties I was an online dating maven. Once a relationship had come undone it was time to find something new. People would email, gab on the phone, meet in person, go out, date, get frisky, etc. As a result there would be several women involved from two to six weeks into the process. Most weren't really bothered by it unless they were infatuated and you had been to bed with them. In many cases, it was the same for the women from their end.

Guys, let me suggest that it could be like baseball and you could be playing a more fun form of a double header. If the schedule is tight and you don't have time for a shower in between, make time to wash your willie before the second one There may be some women who enjoy the taste of another woman, but not on you

I didn't do this once because the encounter culminated (or is it cuminated) in a great blow job. I falsely thought everything would be cool. Unbeknownst to me, there was lipstick on my best friend. Needless to say, that brought round two to a screeching halt. Fortunately, it was a low priority woman.
KitKat25

Mar 10 @ 7:54PM  
Sugar:
I kid my friend all the time that her mortgage payment is actually an expensive bedroom for her to crash out at when her day is done.
That's what I did a lot of weeks back then. I was so incredibly busy that I even started carrying a change of clothes just in case.

Hog:
Thanks for the look at a crazy time in your life and the humor that it brought to us all!
You're welcome. Thanks for reading my story.

RevDoc:
Been there, done that..I survived.
Yeah baby...I'm a survivor too! Hey...don't they have an island for people like us???

WoW:
why you didn't make it into two different blogs as there are two distinct subjects?
I just sat down and wrote WoW...and this is the story I wrote. I thought it flowed okay and gave you peeps a glimpse of what my life used to be like. It's nice to just put a story out there without fussing with it too much...yanno what I mean? Thanks for the stories and for the green cookie.

Flavor:
Shoot you probably got out dated...
That would be a fair assessment some weeks. In spite of this crazy chapter in my life...I did have a lot of fun.

Luvrgrl:
I'm glad I was able to make you smile Kat! That makes me smile!
Yep...you definitely made me smile. Thanks for that!

A big thanks to all of you peeps who dropped in to read my story. Your time and comments are very much appreciated.
Sunshinegal35

Mar 11 @ 11:56AM  
Great blog, KitKat! In 1996 my husband left my son and I and returned to Japan, supposedly to help run the family business while his father recouperated from heart surgery.
My son was only ten months old when he made his first international journey- he and I went to Japan for three weeks to visit my husband and his family and to be there for my father-in-law's surgery. We came back home in early January of 1997. By March of 97 my husband was still in Japan, and wasn't calling, writing or sending me any money for support. So I filed for divorce.
The divorce was final in May of 1997. I didn't date until a year and a half later. The bar scene wasn't for me. So when online dating came out, it was perfect for me! A very easy way to meet men! I didn't have to worry about juggling guys like you wild girls (LOL) - I just dated one at a time (that was all I could handle LOL)And boy oh boy....did I know how to pick em! I dated all kinds of men- from one un-employed and living with his mother to a very well educated, high powered VP pulling down over $250K a year. And I found that money makes no difference- a jerk is a jerk, poor or rich!
From November of 1998 to August of 2007 I dated lots of different guys. And even though most of the experiences were negative (my fault for staying in the relationship with someone who wasn't right for me), they served to teach me not to settle for anything less than what it is best for me. So in this regard, I'm quite glad to have had these rotten guys in my life!
I'm still single, though. And I haven't been on a date since 2009. I believe, like drinking, I've grown out of dating. I'm happy with where I am in my life. Would I like to have a boyfriend? Sure. Is it worth the hassle? With the right person, yes. I just haven't met the right man for me.....yet!
Kudo to you for this blog, KitKat!

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Dating and the Single Career Mom