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posted 2/13/2011 7:11:32 AM |
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tagged: romance, relationships, happiness
  Sunshinegal35

Lunanegra's blog "Off The Market" prompted me to think about relationships- I wonder why sometimes we feel like we might not be "good" at a relationship or feel that we don't deserve happiness and love?
After numerous rejections, bad break ups and heartache, do we just automatically assume we are the one with the problem? And therefore don't deserve to be happy or think we suck at the romantic so we should just take a backseat in the romance department?
I love that old saying "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger." I know this is true in my case. I survived my divorce and came out stronger. In the subsequent years of singledom I've survived several bad relationships, coming out surer in the knowledge that I knew what I wanted out of life and love.
But....being strong has its disadvantages- it makes us wary and jaded. So much so that when something good comes along we almost let it pass us by because we are loathe to yet again go thru all that drama, or we feel that because of our past history we don't deserve something good that will make us happy.
I know that despite my checkered past when it comes to relationships, I deserve to be happy, and that is why I refuse to let something good get past me. I remain optimistic about my romantic future. And when that "something good" comes along, I'm going to be excited. I do not want my bad experiences to so color my good experience that I end up missing out.
When it's good, we know it's good. All relationships take some work. But when a romantic involvement is good, the amount of work should be proportionately LESS compared to the amount of work required to sustain a bad relationship.
When it's our turn to be happy romantically, we tend to overthink things instead of just going with the flow. Sometimes, the searching for those red flags we know HAVE to exist in our new, good partner can take over- we think "there's NO possible way this guy/girl can be THIS good for me". We get bogged down in looking for the bad, because those past not-so-good relationships condition us to think and feel this way.
When things are THAT good and right, what's wrong with just relaxing and going with it?
I can't speak for anyone here at AMD but myself, and I know that I deserve a good man in my life, and I deserve to be happy. And when that good guy comes along, I plan on hanging onto him for as long as possible! The road to happiness might be long and bumpy, but it sure is one hell of a ride that shapes us into who we are. I don't regret that bumpy road, but the time has come for me to stop expecting the worst and begin looking for the best!
We all deserve happiness and love. It just takes longer for some of us than others.....

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Blogs by Sunshinegal35:
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Music Crazy
A Struggle
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The Art of Feeling Better.....
Dating Someone With A Health Issue
Who Needs Enemies When You Have Co-workers?????
Japanese For Dummies
The Pain vs Pill Dilemma
STUFF
This Is Completely Unfair...............
Turkey Story
Going Stag.....
Stupid Boss Tricks....
10 Signs The Date Will End Without Sex!
It's Never To Soon....
Baseball Has Not Been Bery Bery Good To Me!
Total Admiration
After Break-Up Meltdown
Behold The Moon
Handy Dandy
Disappointment
It's All Fun And Games.....
Miscommunication!!!!!!!!!
This Is Just The Weirdest Thing!


Comments:

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Wordsofwit

Feb 13 @ 7:42AM  
I can see that rationale in some cases. I still contend that many failed relationships can be traced back to making poor choices in who people got involved with. This is compounded by people rushing into it too fast without really getting to know one another first to find if they are a good fit.
NightOfOld

Feb 13 @ 8:59AM  


I totally agree with Bruce on this.
ksk72

Feb 13 @ 12:59PM  
Very true but those jaded people forget to LEARN from past mistakes. Humans can be stubborn and often dont learn grow and OMG maybe even change a little from the past. They just keep on repeating the same mistakes over an over.
Wordsofwit

Feb 13 @ 1:47PM  
Humans can be stubborn and often dont learn grow and OMG maybe even change a little from the past. They just keep on repeating the same mistakes over an over.

Yeah, and it always the other person's fault, they never do anything wrong in a relationship.
lunanegra

Feb 13 @ 2:07PM  
I love your attitude, Sunshine It a hard road to happiness, no doubt.

What I did was give myself some time to resolve what I did wrong in the past, give myself some time to dry out in singlehood for awhile and learn to be comfortable in it..I was so comfortable in fact, it took a good deal of acclimatizing to this new one here. A good deal of acclimatizing but we had a few heart to hearts and now, I'm good and cozy in it. Things are great.

I really hope you get what you want, I really hope everyone gets what they want.
tassie1

Feb 13 @ 2:49PM  
sometimes things aren't meant to be

falling in love and living happily ever after is just an ending to fairy tales anyway, it doesn't happen in real life.

things usually start off great, then the shine wears off ,and ppl usually just end up tollerating each other in the end cos its better or more convenient than being alone half the time.
Wordsofwit

Feb 13 @ 3:11PM  
ppl usually just end up tollerating each other in the end cos its better or more convenient than being alone half the time.

A friend of mine who has been married for 33 years said, "My marriage is not good enough to keep or bad enough to end."
pinklipstick2

Feb 13 @ 3:25PM  
When you look for the worst you usally find it. Sometimes I think its a way out for the other person for no matter what the reason. And at times its a deep fear of relationship even if someone truly wants it they have to let go of the fear and work problems out . But it takes that person to change no one can do it for them. It can happen a happy relationship it takes work I wish you the best on this V alentine eve .
RJ53

Feb 13 @ 7:55PM  
Finding a good relationship is kind of like crossing a mine field. You have to be careful and have a certain degree of luck not to find one that blows up in your face.
sugarnspice005

Feb 13 @ 8:07PM  
When it's our turn to be happy romantically, we tend to overthink things instead of just going with the flow. Sometimes, the searching for those red flags we know HAVE to exist in our new, good partner can take over- we think "there's NO possible way this guy/girl can be THIS good for me". We get bogged down in looking for the bad, because those past not-so-good relationships condition us to think and feel this way.

I try to NOT look for those "red flags". I look at it this way....the relationship that didn't work, it's in the past, and, it isn't fair to my partner in a new relationship to for look red flags from the past.

So, yes, I tend to look at a new relationship as just that, new. An ex becomes an ex for a reason, but, it's not fair to take the flaws of the ex and try to "find" them in the new relationship.
A5A89

Feb 13 @ 8:33PM  
All too true!i but i think that the officiality of a relationship is what makes it a bad idea, all will you go out with me shit you dont need it! you meet someone new exciting and beautiful and it gets better and better, slight turbulances will occur but this whole time there is already a mutual understanding that you are together and you wont fuck with anyone else unless requested otherwise. fuck a relationship its just another uneeded label like, chav, greebo, hippy, raver, punk, priest whatever its all bollocks people are people they are no-ones belonging and they are not what they like!i

peace and fucking
x}+{x
Wordsofwit

Feb 13 @ 8:47PM  
it's not fair to take the flaws of the ex and try to "find" them in the new relationship.

I agree, but often when we do an autopsy of a relationship, we (myself included) frequently turn a blind eye to ourselves and our role in the crash and burn.
KitKat25

Feb 14 @ 4:18AM  
Kudos on a great blog topic Sunshinegal.

I've been fortunate enough to have some really great relationships in the past. Unfortunately...sometimes the bad ones stick with us longer than they should. As I've gotten older...I've always taken some time to get my thoughts in order after a break-up. Not necessarily to dwell on them...but to see all the different POV's...and to determine how I can better navigate future relationships without making the same mistakes again.

It's funny...but sometimes when you're self-evaluating...you'll find that you did absolutely nothing wrong and other times...you see all the silly mistakes you made. You have to be willing to learn from your mistakes. You also have to be willing to forgive yourself...and let the past be the past so you can move forward...instead of staying caught in the past.

People change and grow over time...and sometimes the relationships in their life grow with them...and other times they get left behind. I call it maturity when you know the difference...and can get on with your life...and be open for the next relationship that comes your way.

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