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yup, it's terminal, so me and the capatin...

posted 1/24/2011 8:39:11 PM |
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Well, tonight me and the Captain are gonna shake hands, and it probably won't be the last night we do. So if things get a bit drunk, don't be surprised. But I’ll try to get this done before then.

Now what in the world would bring me to this point? For one thing finding out just how far gone my brothers mind really is, and discovering today he is terminal. That doesn't surprise me tho. We still don't know how far or where the cancer has gotten to, other than his one lung. So he is scheduled for a couple more scans between now and the end of the month. The doctor did say it is incurable. Period. Radiation is about the only treatment available to him, since his body is in such poor shape now. And that will only slow it down, maybe, and not stop it. That is part one.

Part two, and this would be almost humorous, if it weren't so sad. But to fill in the gap here, he sent his daughter some money thru paypal just before christmas. She couldn't get it via the method he used, so he tried again, and this time it went thru. Great. But, he didn't keep up with his bank account, and tonight I had him check on something while I was looking on. Two overdrafts, and no way near what he thought he should have in his account. So, where is the money? He had no idea, and rather than look a little, he got confused, and never thought to look at paypal. Bingo, both came out. He didn't look to see if they would use the same funds he had originally put in there. So, they hit his account for the same amount again. And he never checked to see what was going on.

Well, I finally got him to go to paypal and check, sure enough, the money is there, but will take 3 to 4 business days to get back into his bank account. And not all of it. But at least it should cover anything else he has out right now. Then he can transfer the rest back to his account later.

I may have to do something I don't want to do, but to look out for his financial interest, I may have to become his guardian. Put him on an allowance, and make sure his money doesn't get lost again. I don't want that, but at this point, I almost feel I have little choice in the matter. And this I’d been considering even before tonight. At times I feel almost as if i'm having to do part of his thinking for him.

By next week, I guess i'll be knee deep in finding out aobut hospice, and home health, and what ever else will come with living with a terminally ill patient. But tonight, I may just sit here and get good and drunk. I may not have to live with the illness, but I damn sure am the one that is going to have to live with the consequences, and I think I deserve a little self pity occasionally. As long as I don't let it become my entire way of life.

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Jan 24 @ 8:54PM  
Well if the shit isn't deep it wouldn't be shit would it.. Well the clear side is that you are clear... And yes guardian is what your going to have to do.. Get him to put together a Will also a living one and one for when he dies.. I am serious get the Wills done tomorrow after the Captain has wore down some and you can think. One will keep the hospital from eating everyones cookies cause they will take his last dime and who cares who buries him, get the matter of his burial, cremation what ever taken care of also. the hospice people can and will help you with this Ask... they will do what they can as far as information. Don't torture the poor man if it is terminal.. well all life is we are all gonna die at some point.
Living Will
I have had elderly friends that when one died and had been dead for a while in his chair the EMS came and tried to revive him.. Hence the living Will.. tell them to come collect not try to revive to the horror of everyone around a dead body. Again ask hospice they can and will help with this too...

Take some time out for you, stay the course of not smoking or cutting back this will be great for you and will help with your health in all of this cause it is shown that caretakers go down a slippery road of Not taking care of themselves..

And please let whoever is close to you from here help too... Smile... Say hi to the Captain and enjoy tonight....

Jan 24 @ 9:02PM  
I'm with redbronze on this. Especially with the guardianship and the Wills. But yes, take tonight to "hang" with the Captain.

Jan 24 @ 9:07PM  
What she said ^^^^^^ is spot on in your situation.
The Living Will and a DNR (do not revive) is essential if that's what the two of you agree upon. Having a will is good too. Check the state laws on how a personal, handwritten/typed will is handled and make sure it's witnessed by a notary and anyone else if required. It will simplify things because what comes later can be as difficult as it is now.

Your brother is fortunate to have you to take care of him. I hardly drink, but I'll tip a wee dram of the Captain with you... hugs.

Jan 24 @ 9:12PM  
I'm sorry to read this Saw. I imagine I'd be having a visitor tonight too....Enjoy your visit with the captain, as tomorrow brings a new day and possibly new responsibilities.

Although I know it's not what you want to think of, make sure there is a living will, a power of attorney and a will.
Hospice may be a lot of help to the both of you.
Best wishes to you both and remember to take care of you also.


Jan 24 @ 10:33PM  
I'm sorry to read about your brother Saw and yes, as much as you don't want to watch over his financial interests, it is best for him that you do so!

I wish the best for you and your brother!


Jan 24 @ 11:52PM  
Saw....I'm so sorry man. I feel your pain, literally. While not a brother, I've lost way too damn many family members to it. So I'll raise a glass with you, tonight. But as everyone else has said, tomorrow you really need to get on the legal stuff. Besides hospice, call on your local Circuit Clerk's office, ask for the probate division clerk, she can give you the lowdown on what is required and or acceptable as far as the will goes, can possibly recommend a good atty to get the guardianship matter rolling and most hospitals have the medical directive/ living wills forms free for the asking.

Jan 25 @ 12:10AM  
May your higher power be with you.

Jan 25 @ 2:10AM  
Check with the United Way. They usually have services for the elderly which can get you a CNA to help with your brother 5 days a week. With my mom home now she helps me keep what sanity I have left and at least I get a chance to take a shower and eat.

Jan 25 @ 7:24AM  
I am going throught a similar situation with a very close friend and his lung cancer. He isn't a relative, but he is my dearest friend. I am praying for you and your brother and hope all comes together for the ease of the situation. Hugs, M

Jan 25 @ 3:05PM  

Jan 26 @ 8:41PM  
Mike! You'll have to be tougher than you ever have, but you will do it out of love for your brother. He's lucky to have you! There's alot of good advice the others have given you here. Take heed and stay strong. Remember take care of yourself also!.

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yup, it's terminal, so me and the capatin...