Time heals all wounds
Forgive and forget
To a large extent I think that what really happens in many cases is that our emotions fade. We become disconnected and apathetic towards someone who may have once been an adverse concern, but is now just an asterisk or footnote in our personal history book.
Often during the holiday season we connect with people we don't see very often and catch up on what has been happening with them and other people that we know, knew, encountered, etc.
I was visiting with some friends on Monday who were off from work for MLK. We largely discussed what was transpiring with people and updating one another on what had been happening. In our conversation somebody's name came up that ties in with KitKat's blog about grudges.
One of my friends proceeded to go into detail about someone. In our little group that had gathered, only she and I knew this person. After about a minute she paused and I said, "You know, Deb, with all due respect, I am not interested and don't care what is happening with Zoe." (Deb will do the same thing with me. We go back about 35 years.)
I need to digress and quickly explain that Zoe was someone she knew for years from Renn faires that I had briefly worked with off and on in the eighties and nineties. She was a lazy slacker who was, at the time, married to a local union president that wouldn't do her work. She got a colleague of mine removed from an event because he brought it up to the crew chief. Over the years she would prove to be vengeful and manipulative in such matters including similar actions against others at our largest Renn faire when they would point out her lack of effort. She was not beyond outright lying to attempt to cover her ass while painting a dark picture of the other party. Usually, this would eventually be seen for what it was and she would be booted. She never did anything against me personally. I just don't consider her to be a person of substance.
"I thought that you got past any bad feelings about her," Deb retorted.
I had a calm, simple response. "I don't have any feelings about her. She is miles and years out of my life. That works for me. I am simply not interested in hearing anything about her."
"Can't you forgive her for what happened at work twenty years ago?" she queried.
"Forgiving? Forgiving means you care and it matters. It is not a matter of forgiving. It is a matter of not giving a damn."
We then went on to updating one another and sharing memories involving people we recall in a positive fashion.
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