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Distant Replay

posted 1/20/2011 9:31:07 AM |
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Time heals all wounds
Forgive and forget

To a large extent I think that what really happens in many cases is that our emotions fade. We become disconnected and apathetic towards someone who may have once been an adverse concern, but is now just an asterisk or footnote in our personal history book.

Often during the holiday season we connect with people we don't see very often and catch up on what has been happening with them and other people that we know, knew, encountered, etc.

I was visiting with some friends on Monday who were off from work for MLK. We largely discussed what was transpiring with people and updating one another on what had been happening. In our conversation somebody's name came up that ties in with KitKat's blog about grudges.

One of my friends proceeded to go into detail about someone. In our little group that had gathered, only she and I knew this person. After about a minute she paused and I said, "You know, Deb, with all due respect, I am not interested and don't care what is happening with Zoe." (Deb will do the same thing with me. We go back about 35 years.)

I need to digress and quickly explain that Zoe was someone she knew for years from Renn faires that I had briefly worked with off and on in the eighties and nineties. She was a lazy slacker who was, at the time, married to a local union president that wouldn't do her work. She got a colleague of mine removed from an event because he brought it up to the crew chief. Over the years she would prove to be vengeful and manipulative in such matters including similar actions against others at our largest Renn faire when they would point out her lack of effort. She was not beyond outright lying to attempt to cover her ass while painting a dark picture of the other party. Usually, this would eventually be seen for what it was and she would be booted. She never did anything against me personally. I just don't consider her to be a person of substance.

"I thought that you got past any bad feelings about her," Deb retorted.

I had a calm, simple response. "I don't have any feelings about her. She is miles and years out of my life. That works for me. I am simply not interested in hearing anything about her."

"Can't you forgive her for what happened at work twenty years ago?" she queried.

"Forgiving? Forgiving means you care and it matters. It is not a matter of forgiving. It is a matter of not giving a damn."

We then went on to updating one another and sharing memories involving people we recall in a positive fashion.

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Jan 20 @ 10:29AM  
"Can't you forgive her for what happened at work twenty years ago?" she queried.

"Forgiving? Forgiving means you care and it matters. It is not a matter of forgiving. It is a matter of not giving a damn."

That's a good point. Especially that far back in the past. I've had my fair share of those who tried to make my life miserable. I chalk it up to they were miserable and wanted others to feel that way too. But, after 20+ give a hoot about what they did back then, and carry on a grudge...that would take more time and effort on them...and I have more valuable uses for my time and effort. They are people I haven't given a second thought to since I last saw them. A lot of why I've never gone to any high school reunions...I'm not one to partake in false pleasantries. And, I've maintained contact with friends who I wanted to keep in touch with through the years. Amazing things these phone numbers, addresses, and now, emails and instant messengers.


Jan 20 @ 11:24AM  
There are too many things, some unpleasant, in the present and future to be concerned with without polluting yourself with past negatives that are of no consequence going forward.

Jan 20 @ 11:42AM  
Yep that works unless thoe people are members of your family that you really cannot avoid dealing with. But that would be a whole other blog.

I had an Italian neighbor once who used to crack me up. He would tell me don't hold a grudge, get revenge and move on. Hey I am Irish and Lakota so that works for me. Just joking here.....maybe. You know what I don't even remember the back stabbers names anymore and there were plenty of them working with musicians and club owners back in the day. In the long run I have outlived them all so it really does not matter anymore.

Jan 20 @ 4:27PM  
"Forgiving? Forgiving means you care and it matters. It is not a matter of forgiving. It is a matter of not giving a damn."
If you feel this way then your friends should respect how you feel about this.

Jan 20 @ 8:40PM  
"Forgiving? Forgiving means you care and it matters. It is not a matter of forgiving. It is a matter of not giving a damn."
I can see where your mindset is WoW because I've gotten to know you through the blogs...but I simply do not agree with this point. You can care a lot about a person...and their relationship can a matter a great deal to you...but somewhere down the road...this person might have done something so terrible that you can not get past.'re unable to forgive and forget based on that particular point in time. Does this mean this particular person doesn't matter? I don't think so. This is of course JMHO.

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Distant Replay