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Life Turns on a Dime...

posted 1/12/2011 4:54:02 PM |
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tagged: life, thoughts
  KitKat25

Life can be a real shocker some days.

I mean...you can be walking along the road of life one day...and then take an unexpected detour that you never ever thought you would take in a million years. This is what I've been experiencing this week.

I just learned tidbits from my past (20+ years ago) that I've never been privy to before this weekend. Maybe tidbits is the wrong word...but it's the best word I can come up with right now. All I know is that at this moment...I'm trying to process so many emotions...so many thoughts...and so many memories that I thought I already knew...but I really didn't. If it sounds confusing...trust me...it's very confusing.

I also had a lot of opinions formed about this particular part of my life...and I felt these opinions were spot on...and now I know they weren't. In fact...they weren't even in the same ballpark.

I think one of the hardest parts of this scenario is finding out that people who I thought genuinely cared about me decades ago had ulterior motives. Some of these people lied about me to others...or lied right to my face. Other people simply omitted pieces of information that they decided I shouldn't know. These lies and omissions are what took me down a different path in life.

This fact really bothers me because I've always seen myself as a person who controlled their own journey. In fact...I took great pride in being the captain of my own journey. But as I sit here today reflecting over everything I've just learned...I have to ask myself if I've really been taking my own journey all of these years...or simply living through a series of ripples in the water that I had absolutely nothing to do with?

I've also become aware that these lies and omissions have cost my son dearly. They cost him the gift of time with people who should have been in his life since he was a baby...and there is no way I can ever give those years back to him. I do realize this situation is not my fault...but it doesn't make it any easier to handle.

Not only do I feel incredible grief for what my son has lost because of these people's lies...I'm also trying to reconcile my own feelings. People I thought I disliked...didn't do the horrible things I thought they did...while other people...who I thought had good intentions...were just plain evil.

I really wish I could check my manners at the door and rip one particular person a new one...but I won't. I refuse to lower myself to this person's standards. I know Karma will take care of this person eventually...but I guess since my emotions are so raw right now...I wouldn't mind Karma speeding things up a bit if you know what I mean.

Forgiveness and open-mindedness are the themes in my world this week. I sincerely hope I can rise to the occasion and continue to forgive where I need to...and be open-minded when and where it's warranted.

I also hope I can eventually forgive a particular person...as well as myself.

It's amazing just how fast life can turn on a dime isn't it?

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Comments:

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Wordsofwit

Jan 12 @ 6:23PM  
It sounds like this is only the beginning of a major change concerning yourself that only involves a small number of people.
sawduster

Jan 12 @ 7:14PM  
yes kat, many things in life change without notice, and set us on a different course than what we had been on. good luck with what ever you do from this point on. hugs.
40DWM

Jan 12 @ 7:29PM  
<< probably the worst advice ever.....but, COMMUNICATE.

Confront those that lied, find their motives, see if they are evil, or just plain dumb.
Talk openly to those that were lied about, let them know what was said.....
AND the repercussions of those lies to your/their life.
Tell the truth to those that were hurt/lost the most by the lies.

And my favorite, distance yourself/cut off the troublemakers....and let anyone
curious, know why.
lilofval

Jan 12 @ 7:32PM  
I'm so sorry you are going through a tough time now Kat. You are a strong, smart woman and I know you will work through this. We are here for you !!
Wordsofwit

Jan 12 @ 8:19PM  
I know going back to my divorce, that my ex said a lot of things to our daughter about my family that were not true that she never shared with me. This led to her and my family being estranged for almost 20 years. But these were things that were said during very emotional and tumultuous times when my ex was not her normal self.

I don't know if this in anyway relevant to your situation or not. My point is that circumstances and timing when these things happen are often major factors in these things.
Lisa46

Jan 12 @ 8:30PM  
You know what I think so far the best advice is from 40DWM
somnium

Jan 12 @ 8:32PM  
I mean this in an understanding way having had experiences with some people like you mentioned but... at least you know where you stand now that you have sorted things out and from here, you can move on with your life Kat, knowing who you can trust and who you can't- and avoid! If this makes any sense!


casuallylooking

Jan 12 @ 9:16PM  
Kat, I am so sorry for the bad that happened. But if you dwell on this and allow it to make you miserable, you are not only allowing the past to control you then, but now and in your future as well.
Sweetie, forgiveness is a really difficult thing many times, but it can sometimes help heal your heart and make your future brighter....
Hugs and prayers to you......and yes...karma does usually prevail....usually when we least expect it.
B9CC1D

Jan 12 @ 10:58PM  
...probably the worst advice ever.....but, COMMUNICATE.

No, open dialogue is always the best advice ever.
StraddleMyNose

Jan 13 @ 3:33AM  
COMMUNICATE.

Confront those that lied, find their motives, see if they are evil, or just plain dumb.
Talk openly to those that were lied about, let them know what was said.....
AND the repercussions of those lies to your/their life.
Tell the truth to those that were hurt/lost the most by the lies.

And my favorite, distance yourself/cut off the troublemakers....and let anyone
curious, know why.

I pretty much agree with this comment by 40DWM.

orzie

Jan 13 @ 10:10AM  
have 6",I mean the snow
orzie

Jan 13 @ 10:18AM  
forget about it I will make you cupcakes
soft_touch938

Jan 13 @ 12:12PM  
I'll admit, I don't know about life turning on a dime but I do know about changes...those kind of changes that are tumultuous. Along with all the other good advice here I'd like to add...begin to journal. Why? Because you can say whatever you want...keep it/change it...rant...be unrealistic if that's the direction your emotions are going at that particular time.

It's private so you don't have to be careful of what you say...just let it all out as honest as you can possibly be..and that includes emotions that you may know aren't necessairly what you really feel, they're just there and unreasonable as they seem, they are there and need released. Emotions that you'd not admit to anyone else but to keep them bottled up leads to confusion and they muddy up reasoning.

Keeping a journal...or call it a "Dear Diary"...I use to write like I was actually speaking to someone called "Journal"... ...well it worked for me. Anyway, keeping a journal will help sort out your thoughts and put some perspective into them...and your emotions. And like I said...it's private so you will soon feel a real freedom just letting it all hang out in words and it feels wonderful.

Hugs to you. You're a strong gal and you'll get a handle on this. It won't be overnight but time has a way of smoothing things out and distancing the pain of the past.

(((((((KitKat))))))))
sugarnspice005

Jan 13 @ 12:40PM  
All of us experience our own change Kit...it's how we move forward is what counts. You have been dealt a huge blow...take the time to "come to grips with what you have learned...keep a diary as Softie suggested, and, like 40DWM suggested, "open the lines of communication.

And, if you need "quiet time" for yourself, take it. I shared the major blow I took with Mick's suicide....and while this is different compared to what you are going through, one thing in common is the major upheaval in your life. You will come out of this stronger..I guarantee it. You have a lot of raw emotions you are dealing with, and your son will also have to deal with. It takes time. Don't rush. And remember, we're here for you when you need us.
RJ53

Jan 13 @ 1:09PM  
I think a lot of us had past events in our lives that were controlled by others with self serving or just plain evil motives. I have learned to file the majority of that in the crap happens file. Otherwise it keeps on controlling your life and history will keep repeating itself. Needless to say those people are no longer in my life for the most part.
RevDocLove

Jan 13 @ 3:18PM  
Welcome to the real world
KitKat25

Jan 13 @ 4:02PM  
I know I was a bit vague with some of my story details peeps...but I'm still trying to process a lot of information. What I can tell you at this moment is that a major player in my story was dealing with a very nasty demon. They were diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and this can be an extremely difficult diagnosis to manage...whether you're the person diagnosed with it...or you're the person living with the person who has it.

As always...I so appreciate you peeps taking the time out of your busy lives to read and comment on my story. I especially appreciate all your support and advice.

Hugs right back to each and every one of you!
tassie1

Jan 13 @ 4:47PM  
so sue me
I thought everyone knew you used to be a guy , does it worry me ? hell no !
it just makes you an even better wingman when we go out cruisin for chickybabes
and I happen to think you got awesome looking titbits ,even if ya can't spell 'em proper like

*betcha wanna slap my ass right about now, but you can't deny, in all this turmoil at least I raised one of them familiar smiles


I learn't a long time ago, life is too short to let the past interfear with your future.
you can sweat and stew on the past, but unfortunately it isn't gonna change it,
what is important now is your future that you can control.
all you need to remember is there is a bunch of ppl out here who luvs ya
Wordsofwit

Jan 13 @ 6:00PM  
I learn't a long time ago, life is too short to let the past interfear with your future.
you can sweat and stew on the past, but unfortunately it isn't gonna change it,
what is important now is your future that you can control.



I was going to say something like that but didn't want people bitching at me about it. To me, there are too many issues today and tomorrow to deal with that I can change or impact without being distracted by history. It was what it was, why make yesterday's issues a distraction or issue on into the future?
Lunar46

Jan 13 @ 8:28PM  
Did he love you?, Did he show it by teaching you anything important like how to spit for distance, write your name in the snow? (I used to be able to do that - now days it just looks like "morse code") .... Did he teach you how to ride a motor cycle or how to do a wheely.....

Yeah, I know - serious questions need serious answers.

Just remember this. Ghosts from the past are either a positive addition or a negative subtraction,.... Life is to short to not be happy.

So go forward in peace with whatever you do or decide.

Lunar

ps - Do you own a boat or watch football?

PinkToeNails

Jan 13 @ 8:46PM  
RevDocLove

Jan 13 @ 10:13PM  
Ain't nuttin' in the world you can do about past fuckups..
Might as well just shine it on and get on with livin' your life now sweetie

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Life Turns on a Dime...