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my brother

posted 1/7/2011 12:49:20 AM |
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Well, I think he finally is coming around. My brother that is. Tonight was really bad, and I’m not sure I can take care of him for long the way he is deteriorating. He almost fell once I know of on his way to the bathroom, and once in there, he fell over twice. I had to help him up both times, then he was on the throne for a very long time, couldn't get his balance or have the strength to get up on his own. Once I finally got him up, it was like trying to support a limp dish rag that was fighting being held up. Once I got him on his bed, he kept leaning to the wrong side. I'm not looking for tons of sympathy, this is something I volunteered for when I got to thinking we could help each other by getting a place together. I knew going in he was getting bad, but the last 6 months or so he has really gone down hill.

He has no strength, very little appetite, no wind at all, just sitting up takes it all out of him, and as I mentioned, no balance at all much of the time. And he has completely refused to see a doctor about any of it, for what ever reasons he seems to have, and now, I’m thinking it may be too late to do anything at all. This is just the tip of what I am sure is going to be a very large iceberg. And that is what I think has him scared. He is afraid of what they may find and he can't deny it any longer. As long as he could make believe things were going to get better if he ignored them, he was ok, now, he can't ignore the problems, and they are mounting. So tonight, I told him if he gets much worse, I may not be able to do much to take care of him. I do not want to see him in a nursing home, those places are generally Bedlam. There may be a few good ones, but they are damned few.

Most of what is wrong with him now is his own fault. I tried more than once to get him to do something more than just sit. His muscles have deteriorated to the point he is totally emaciated, like he was being starved or something, and I make sure we have more than enough food in the house. I can see the heart and lung problems in his hands and feet. Swollen feet, blue tinge to them, clubbing of the fingernails, and just sleeping, his breathing is still labored. Others have gone thru much the same thing with loved ones, and you have had my unspoken sympathy, I saw it with my mother, but he was taking care of her, or at least there with her. Now I guess it's pretty much my turn to take care of some one in my family. And it is darn near driving me to drink something more than my strong coffee. But that would do no good, and in the end, just hurt what ever efforts I do make.

So here's hoping everyone else has a great year, this looks like it is going to be a rough one for me so far, already.

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Jan 7 @ 1:38AM  
I'm sorry to hear this Mike. As you know, I spent a lot of my time over a year ago helping with my brother-in-law and my Mom. There aren't any words that can really help you other than to know we're here to listen and encourage you. I have no advice at all as to how to get him to the doctor. It may soon be out of either of your hands....he'll need an ambulance and be unable to protest. He needs doctors and medicine and I can tell you, I don't envy you concerning his stubborness.

My prayers are with you both.

Jan 7 @ 1:41AM  
You and he are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jan 7 @ 8:34AM  
Sending you patience, strength and resolve to be able to endure whatever occurs. Please don't forget to take care of yourself along the way and take whatever help you can get. Your brother is fortunate to have you in his life.

Jan 7 @ 10:07AM  
It may be time to consult with an objective professional concerning what the best course of action is. I am certainly not a qualified professional in the field or have knowledge in detail of his situation, but it seems like the status quo is not an adequate approach. If you live in a remote area, that increases the odds of something bad happening and a timely response not being possible by medical professionals.

Jan 7 @ 10:49AM  
I'm so sorry to hear of this. I have an idea of what you are going through as I watched Mick go through this with his own mother. And let me tell ya...she would refuse to see the doctor too...and Mick would override that by having her taken into the emergency room. Your brother's falling over and not being able to maintain his balance is scary, and he should be seen by a doctor. Does he have a walker? If not, maybe he should get one? Is there small hand weights in the house he can use? You have done all you can, and I'm sure he appreciates it.

Jan 7 @ 11:07AM  
i did call 911 this morning, and they are on the way. will let ya'll know what happens when it is over and done with.

Jan 7 @ 2:07PM  
Sorry to hear of your brothers decline, It has to be rough on you to watch and not be able to do anymore for him. Good luck guy I'll keep you and your brother in my prayers!

Jan 7 @ 2:47PM  
If he is no longer making rational decisions about his health you might beed to be appointed his guardian by the courts. That way you can take him to the doctor even if it is not what he wants. Sometimes you have to take that choice away from people because it is not in their best interest to leave decisions up to them.

My mother is coming home from the rehab next Thursday. I have told her either she does what the doctor says this time and does not stay in bed or I will send her to a nursing home. I think she finally got the message I am not playing. You can get home care to help with your brother or a doctor can send him to a physical rehab center to help him. Sending him to the ER is the first step. Just make sure they do not take a quick look and push him out the door as they sometimes do.

You both are in my thoughts and prayers.

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my brother