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My Dearest Baby Brother.,, :P

posted 12/28/2010 7:00:27 PM |
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I was 8 years old when my baby Brother was born. That's a

long time with no siblings. I remember being really

annoyed when my Gramma came in and told me that I had a

little Brother. I didn't want a little Brother, I wanted a

Sister and I told her so. She told me that was too bad

because I had one.

I remember the first time I saw him. I thought he was a

little Indian baby because his skin was all red and his

hair was black. Plus, he was having a raucous war cry

thing going on at the time. I was singularly unimpressed.

I thought we should have been able to trade him in for a

pink and white blond baby. But no, t'was not to be. She

brought him home anyway.

Being 8, I didn't want much to do with a baby. You

couldn't really play with him. He didn't like any of the

games I liked. He was almost as big as me, (I was very

little) but he wasn't at all able to run or play. Imagine

that? All he did was lie there, eat, scream and poop.

Babies were not much good for anything at all; as far as I

could tell.

Once he did learn to walk and talk, I kinda grew to like

the little tyrant. A little bit, anyway. I remember being

at Summer Camp and getting a letter from Mom with the last

line saying that he misses his "big stister". I cried.

First time I'd ever been homesick and I'd been to camp

every year since first grade!

We'll talk about Jesus Camp in another blog. That's all I

have to say about that.

My Brother, like all males, had a fascination with his "pee

thing". He always had hold of that thing, it seems like.

Plus, he was a little jerk with it. He'd been taught to

pee on the tires as a way of potty training him but did he

restrict that action merely to tires? Oh NOOOO. Not my


One day, our Cousin was up to play, and a friend of his

came up too. I didn't care much for the friend because he

was one of those boys who picked on girls. Imagine that

boy telling me I couldn't be Geronimo in our game of

Cowboys and Indians? "You're a girl. All girls can do is

cook dinner for us Cowboys." WTF? Anyway.. one time only

I was ever kinda grateful for my Bro's proclivity for

peeing on things. He chased that kid all the way to the

bottom gate (about 4 acres) peeing on him every step of the

way! I laughed so hard. We didn't rat him out to Mom

either.. because the kid had it coming.

It was a whole nother matter when, at our Grandparents'

house, he peed down the back of my neck when I was hiding

from our Cousin. That was a tragedy! I couldn't kill him

either. Mom said so.

I think he was about three when he locked Mom into the

"Thunder Shed", see also, outhouse. Our outhouse was

nothing but utilitarian. it wasn't pretty, no fancy bits,

just four walls, a roof, a double holer and a door with

leather to hook over a nail to keep it shut on both sides

of the door. My Bro was just barely big enough to reach

those bits of leather and he managed to lock Mom inside.

Then he went into the basement, which was Papa's domain and

started sing songing, "I locked Mama in the Out Houuuuse."

To which Dad paid his usual no attention. This went on for

an hour or more til Mom finally got loose. Whooo Man was

she pissed! I didn't know who was going to die first! My

little Bro for having locked her in, or Dad for not paying

attention to him when he was singing about it. All I knew

was that I had better be scarce. So I was. All I heard

after the first screams was Dad saying, "Now Mama, you

can't kill him, he's just a baby." (How often did I hear

that about my little Brother? More than twice.)

My bro was useful when we built our teepees out of old

table cloths and sticks in the front of the house. We'd

dress him up in old Dirndle skirts and make him be the

girl. Sometimes we'd play Gypsy and same thing, he had to

be the little girl. If he has any strange proclivities to

this day it would not be too much of a surprise.

As he grew older, my Bro became a bit of a mad scientist.

It all started when the 'Rents bought him an electronics

kit and a science kit. The science kit was kinda fun, the

most harmful thing he did was make red baking soda lava

flow out of the test tubes. But that electronics kit?

That thing was a terror! The very first thing he built

was a motion activated alarm that meowed like a cat in

heat. After that he figured out how to 'hot wire' his

door knob and a few other really irritating and or painful


Later, Dad, in his infinate wisdom, bought him a Bangsite

Cannon. Bangsite is explosive. It goes boom. My Bro,

being the wizard that he is.. decides one day when Mom

isn't home that he's going to clean the fireplace chimney.

He fills a 1 lb coffee can half full of Bangsite, puts the

plastic lid on it, pokes a hole for a fuse, drops a fuse in

it. lights the fuse and puts it in the fireplace... and

waits. A few seconds later there was an enormous

""BAAAAANG""! Darned if he didn't clean the chimney. But

what to do about all the soot all over the living room?

Oh man, I knew we were fixing to die when Mom got home.

So, I, being ingeneous in my own right, tip him up on my

shoulders with his feet on the ceiling and he walks the

ceiling cleaning all the soot out of the fabulous textured

crap that Dad spent so many hours putting up. (I hate that

stuff) and we did a pretty good job, so we thought. Til

Mom got home. The rest of the room looked pretty good but

when she looked up.. there were a row of footprints, that

to my knowledge still exist on the ceiling. I don't

remember how old we were when I finally told her how that

happened. I do know it was far beyond 'hide tanning" age


The little jerk was constantly getting me in trouble too!

Like I needed any help? We'd be on opposite sides of our

65 acre homestead and he'd fall down and go running to Mom

with, "Look what Sister made me do!" I'd be in trouble for

having pushed him or whatever it was he'd said I'd done. I

had to put this in here because it leaves me some breathing

room for forgiveness for the evil I did later.

Neither my little Bro nor our Cousin were very bright. Ok

they were both smart as heck. Lil Bro tested as a genius,

but not a lick of sense between em. I'm reminded of a

saying that Frances, the blind lady I worked for from the

time I was twelve, used to say. "You got one boy, you've

got a boy, you got two boys, you've got half a boy, you've

got three boys, you've got no boy at all." Yeah, it took

me a long time to figure it out too. Basically, if there's

two of them they only have ha

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

   read more blogs!

Blogs by theSkwirl:
It's Been a While ...
Mondays... you never know what a Skwirl might do...
Idiots, Idioms and Idiosyncrasies.
Dearly Beloved; Farewell to Chuck, our Night of Old.
In Like a Lion
Another story.. good times.
What kind of Vert are you?
A very insightful poem
Here We Go Again...I've been thinking.
still kickin
Not gonna be around much
Genesis, the True Story by the Skwirl
My Dearest Baby Brother.,, :P
Merry Christmas and Harpy Nude Rear
The Case of the Ancient Arm Eater
Taz: the little ball of fluff that could. (another pet story)
A Charley Horse! (a pet blog)
I Sold My Soul To Dr. Seuss
Two things.. a thank you and a story.
The Infamous Carrot Fiasco, and other stories
Lessons Learned (yeah another remeniscence)
Crocus for Grandma
It's A Hard Candy Christmas
The Further Adventures of the Skwirl Vs. the Big Conglomerate


post a comment!


Dec 28 @ 7:10PM  
Thanks for the birthday wish lady!

but but but... they only have ha ...............what? Don't leave us hanging!!

Dec 28 @ 7:16PM  
The part about the chimney had me so much my eyes actually teared up. Your brother sounds like he was quite a character.

Basically, if there's

two of them they only have ha

I agree with Pink......"don't leave us hanging"

And here's your kudo.

Dec 28 @ 7:17PM  
Oops guess who didn't preview first?

"You got one boy, you've

got a boy, you got two boys, you've got half a boy, you've

got three boys, you've got no boy at all." Yeah, it took

me a long time to figure it out too. Basically, if there's

two of them they only have half a brain between them.

Anyway. I convinced both of them, at seperate times, that

it was a great idea to pee on the electric fence strung

around the garden to keep the Deer out. *snicker* Both of

them tried it too. Dumbies.

He also had one other strange habit that is beyond

disgusting. He'd pick up and eat the chicken .. er..

droppings. Must have worked though, because he grew up to

be over six feet tall and I'm a shrimpy five foot, two.

Somehow, he did manage to grow up. I'm still not sure by

what miracle that took place. But so be it. He was a

teenager when he tried to talk me into testing out his

"bullet proof pants". Ok I'm blond? But I'm not that


There were other fun things with my little Bro. I love

that kid, believe it or not. He was great in the Great

Tonka Truck Races because he was really long legged. He

could push really hard. Sometimes the things he invented

were actually useful and handy. Once in a while he was

even fun to hang out with. Paintball wars anyone?

My Mother used to try and curse me with the, "I hope you

have children that act just like you do.", curse. Didn't

work out. I got one that acts just like my Brother. The

best part of that deal is.. so does he, Now!

Dec 28 @ 7:23PM  
That was great Sam!!

I was singularly unimpressed

I just love the way you show your emotions there girl!!

My little brother was a pain in my ass too!

Dec 28 @ 7:45PM  
That was a very cute read and I am 5'2" with a 6'3" brother that is 8 years younger as well.

Dec 28 @ 8:03PM  
Well, not to poop on the party, but the blog display for me was weird as there were a lot of short lines to the display and the post was cut off. It seemed to be a skwirl "Tommy tale" but I couldn't read the whole thing. How unfair!

Dec 29 @ 7:58PM  
You are totally HILARIOUS! Loved this blog!
My brother is three years younger than I am. When mom brought him home from the hospital and pulled back his blanket so I could see him, I said, "But, WHAT can he do?" I was also very singularly unimpressed by him! Kinda still am, to this day!
He used to drive me crazy, for some of the same reasons the Skwirl mentions in this blog. Once, at Wendy's, he challenged me to a game of "Find Your Longest French Fry". He ALWAYS won! So of course, he finds the longest french fry, and lovingly sets it aside. Then takes off for the restroom. While he's gone, I take said, "longest french fry" and pop it into my mouth. When he gets back from the potty, no "longest french fry". He's pissed, but not a damn thing he can do about it! LOL My son loves this story LOL

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My Dearest Baby Brother.,, :P