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Thanksgiving Was....

posted 11/28/2010 9:54:00 PM |
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tagged: family, holidays, sad

"Oh, I miss being Mrs. tonight
Oh, and how I loved them loving arms
That once held me so tight
I took of my wedding band
And put it on my right hand
I miss being Mrs. tonight"
-Loretta Lynn

Thanksgiving was different. For so many reasons. Daddy was gone; this is the first year without Him. I never had the chance to go meet my sister for dinner because I am still playing catch-up with work and the bills from having to travel back and forth to Eastern Kentucky when Daddy was sick and dying.

As many of you know, I am divorced, and I have no extended family or any real friends here to speak of to share in the day with -but I was determined to fix the dinner I always have, year after year. The turkey, the dressing, the home made mac & cheese, you all know the drill. The big ol' meal that ends with coffee and pumpkin pie smothered in redi-whip or vanilla bean ice cream.

I got home from work at around 12:30 am. My daughter was still up but my son had fallen fast asleep. I put my daughter to bed and laid out the things I needed to prepare for dinner the next day in addition to the big 18 lb turkey I had been thawing in the fridge for the last four days. I was exhausted from the funeral still and working overtime all week long. My roommate's son works at a movie theater and had to be there at 2 p.m. for all the Thanksgiving movie-goers; she asked me to make sure that dinner was done by noon so that he could have time to eat, shower, and make it to work.

I finally fell into the bed at about 3 a.m. and set the clock for 5:45 a.m. When it blared, I groaned and rolled out of my comfy bed and commenced to attempt to make coffee. I filled up the filter and turned on the pot and it kept making these funny gurgling noises. I wondered what was wrong with it as I pulled the flour out of the cabinet and then I realized I hadn't put any water in the pot. I sighed and grabbed the pot and filled it on up, wishing it to hurry as I washed off the Turkey and seasoned it up.

I cooked like a maniac trying to get it all done by 12:00 while trying to also entertain my children with Thanksgiving movies and parades on the TV in their room,and trying not to wake up my roommate's son, who is ALWAYS on our couch in the living room for whatever reason, (he has his own apartment), and putting up with the incessant appearances of my roommate, requesting that I cook certain things certain ways and requesting additonal dishes as well.

By the time I was done with cooking dinner, which was late (and did not go unnoticed, by the way) -12:30- I was not hungry, soaking wet with sweat, in desperate need of a long hot shower and a nap. But I pushed on, dishing out plates and carving up turkey and pouring drinks, setting the table and making sure the kids were staying seated, saying Grace and trying to keep the peace with my roommate, who had worked the night before (3rd shift, 12 hour shift) and hadn't bothered to lay down to rest before dinner. She yelled at my daughter because she was being 'rubbed the wrong way', so to speak, by her - my daughter is very opinionated - and I finally snapped and told her to hush.

To which my response was that I could 'Fuckin' have this dinner' And then she stormed out, leaving her son and I and my kids to eat the dinner I worked so hard for everyone on in silence, save my whimpering daughter with tears running down her face.

The point to all this is, for whatever reason, at that particular moment, I missed my ex-husband immensely. I know it sounds so wierd; we weren't happy and things didn't work out the way I wish they would have, and it was no one's fault and everyone's fault, things were more bad than good most of the time towards the end - but how I missed him so in that moment.

People say 'Marriage is an institution'- and I used to crack at that and say 'Yep, one for the mentally insane', but that was before Thanksgiving Day this year. On Thanksgiving Day, I finally understood that saying.

Because if a marriage is right, and all is well, it is indeed, an institution. It's an institution of comfort. The feeling of ease that you have knowing you are with someone who knows you better than you know yourself; the feeling of joy that you have in doing something simple and expected for them, like preparing dinner. It's not feeling like a chore to make his favorite dish; It's not feeling like a burden to unload the diswahser for her.

It's feeling like you know he knows when to shut up and leave you the hell alone because you are pissed, and you know when he needs you to put your arms around him and tell him you are proud of him, even though he'd never ask you for that, or show it.

It's knowing she only eats mustard on cheeseburgers and nothing else; It's knowing he'd secretly rather have a gadget like an iPhone for Christmas,rather than the power drill he really needs to finish the crown molding in the living room.

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Nov 28 @ 9:54PM  
It's knowing he'll take the kids outside to play so that you can breathe while you cook Thanksgiving dinner; It's knowing she'll keep everything warm and take a shower before she serves - it so she smells like vanilla and jasmine when she sits down next to take your hand for the Thanksgiving Day Prayer.

It's knowing at the end of the day, the two of you worked together to make the holiday special. And bright. And when the kids are happy and sleeping. It's him turning over to her and putting his arm around her, telling her how delicious dinner was and thanking her for watching the game with him, even though she didn't want to. It's her thanking him for helping clean up and giving the kids a bath because she was super exhausted and could have never done it alone.

Marriage is an institution. Its made of four arms that hold it together.

And on Thanksgiving Day I was so sad; for I knew the foundation to mine had crumbled long ago.

Happy Holidays


Nov 28 @ 10:21PM  
So sorry to hear the holiday went that way for you. I know how you feel, it's never easy, but it's always hardest around the holidays. Hugs to you! Give me a shout anytime you need a shoulder.

Nov 28 @ 11:12PM  
I am sending you a hug and high regards for attempting and completing your goal for the day! I am so sorry it wasn't appreciated by all, but you really have to give yourself credit for pushing ahead during a time when most would ust give up. Good for you and leave the rest alone. You are very strong! I wish you many blessings, for you are a good Mom! M

Nov 28 @ 11:39PM  
What they said!

Nov 29 @ 5:06AM  
Big Hugs to you!!!

It works the same way for some of us guys also....!!!
I miss my Lover, Partner, Co-Worker around the house,....but....I miss my friend..most of all!!!
I must admit..Christmas is the hardest for me!!!!
Big hugs to you!!!

Nov 29 @ 4:38PM  

Nov 29 @ 7:14PM  
Oh dear. You've definitely been through the emotional wringer haven't you?
I will simply say what my grandmother used to say...This too shall pass.

Hopefully...the next holiday...will be better for you and your kids. Hang in there Kris.

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Thanksgiving Was....