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ONLY IN TEXAS

posted 11/22/2010 12:10:08 PM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
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tagged: texas, joke
  shyguy140

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hello, President Obama” a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at Joes Crab Shack, Houston Texas , I am callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on ya

"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news!
How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. “Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry’s farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day… “President Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harold’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have to call you back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. “President Obama! I am
sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners.."

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Blogs by shyguy140:
FATHER
THE LAST NICKEL
HOLY PROSTITUTES
BLONDE ICE FISHING
JOB INTERVIEW
A TRIP TO THE BIG CITY
SCOTCH AND WATER
ADVICE FOR WOMEN
A LITTLE CHRISTMAS STORY
THE PROBLEM
GYNECOLOGIST'S ASSISTANT
BUYING CONDOMS
ONLY IN TEXAS
REASONS THANKSGIVING DINNER IS BETTER THAN SEX
BIG SAUSAGE
HORNY OLD LADIES
GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE
OBJECTS(ARE THEY MALE OR FEMALE)
WHAT SCALE DO YOU USE?
GOD'S GIFTS
DINNER IN SPAIN
THE DOC AND THE PUSSY
BASS PRO SHOP
NATURE'S VIAGRA
APARTMENT RENT


Comments:

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sugarnspice005

Nov 22 @ 12:26PM  
Gotta admire Archie's ambition.
theSkwirl

Nov 22 @ 1:48PM  
Wordsofwit

Nov 22 @ 2:29PM  
I am sure the Taliban will think it's funny I find it an insult to men and women serving.
PinkToeNails

Nov 22 @ 6:19PM  
Don't worry about what he says ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was a funny one!

And although it has been posted before, if I'm not mistaken, he commented and laughed on it the time it was posted previously!

Wordsofwit

Nov 22 @ 6:45PM  
You're mistaken Don't you have something better to do than comment about me?
PinkToeNails

Nov 22 @ 6:49PM  
Don't YOU have something better to do than to sit here and criticize everybody and their blogs and their jokes????????? You've been bitching about this shit for 3 solid years bruce.........get the fuck over it and yourself please!!!!!!!!
LadyRamRod

Nov 22 @ 7:42PM  
Good joke shyguy, i think i heard it before but they were using a different name, i believe it was bush, i can't understand why whale shit insulted you for it, theres nothing wrong with the joke, it doesn't mention the men and women who serve our country. he just a jealous fucking ass hole, he's lower than WHALE SHIT and the only thing i can think that is lower than whale shit is fucking skum, there will never be peace on this site as long as he's free to insult everyone. You really make me laugh Whale Shit the way you insult people and then try to wiggle your fucking ass back in like nothing ever happened, you may fool some but you mother fucker you will never fool me, i would like to see you so i can slap your ugly face, just my opinion wordsofshit, brace yourself for more, maybe the rest can for give you for being an ass hole, but i never will
PinkToeNails

Nov 22 @ 8:07PM  
the way you insult people and then try to wiggle your fucking ass back in like nothing ever happened,

I think a psychiatrist would call that justifiication..............

You know ..... I've tried to talk to you Bruce, tried to reason with you... but nothing works. You think you are right about everything and want everyone to agree with YOU! Well... not all of us do... aftersox got blasted for the same thing. GRANTED! I do think she went over the line but she's frustrated! And alot of people here are too! You've gone over THAT line 10,000 times too many but yet you do it, you wiggle your way back in justifying every snide little comment you have made! YOU do exactly what you accuse everyone else of around here! Lame fucking jokes!!! Shit that only YOU care about!!

But you know........... People take time to read your blogs and to comment on them because they care about you!!!!! We all want our blogs to have comments! Good comments god dammit!!!!!! We have been over this before.. again and again and again and blah blah fucking blah! You think that only YOUR opinion is what matters.................well lot de fucking daaaaaaaaaaaaa! solely and alone, it doesn't! And if you don't stop your drunken debbie downer episodes, you are going to be VERY lonely....soon enough!!!!!!
Almost every single comment you make has to have some downer shit to it! LRR used the perfect word.............................insult! That's what you do is unsult people!
If anyone wants to be pissed at me over this... whatever! It's high time bruce learn to play nicely or go the fuck home!!!!!!!
Maybe you should leave....... you're so fucking miserable here! I really don't like to say that to people... but I've had to say it to another member here too! That person doesn't like me now either... these people do not effect my REAL life... they just put a cramp in my "online" life! Please.........stop bitching about lame jokes and stupid blogs and keep it to your self if you don't like it!! Why is that soooooo fucking hard??????
KitKat25

Nov 22 @ 11:23PM  
Cute joke Shyguy.
I'd never heard it before today. Thanks for sharing.

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