Little Ralph posted 11/10/2010 12:41:07 AM | 0 kudos what's this?     report abuse

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LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER

Little Ralphy was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.

After the sixth one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth and make you fat."

Little Ralphy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

"Did your grandfather eat six candy bars at a time?"

"No, he minded his own fucking business."


LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH

A teacher asked her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence -- and you shoot one of them -- how many will be left?"

She called on little Ralphy.

"None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replied, "The correct answer is four; but, I like your thinking."

"I have a question for you, Teacher. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which little Ralphy replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring; but, I like your thinking."


LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)

Little Ralphy returns from school. He says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks his father?

"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'."

"But, that's right?" says his dad.

"Yeah. But, then, she asked me, 'How much is 3x2'.''

"What's the fuck's difference?"

"That's what I said!"


LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH

Little Ralphy goes to school. The teacher says, "Today, we are going to learn multi-syllable words. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Ralphy says, "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles. "Wow, little Ralphy, that's a mouthful."

"No, Miss Rogers. You're thinking of a blowjob."




LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie." She, then, called on little Michael.

"My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher, reluctantly, called on little Ralphy.

"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant."

He replied, "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"

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