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An observation of what could have been.....

posted 11/6/2010 8:04:36 AM |
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A lot of students are asked a question at around this time of year. "What did you learn over the Summer"? The answers are usually a smattering of the "same ole-same ole" stuff... Like the values of friendship, love, and hard work. What I learned over the Summer is that sometimes you just fail. Sometimes no matter how hard you work, no matter how much you love, no matter how friendly you are your "friends" turn their backs on you, your significant other breaks up with you, you lose your job.
I had not one, but two friends turn their back on me over the Summertime. I was not a pretty sight. The first was a girl who I had a crush on... Won't go in to gory details except to say that she chose an abuser over me and the sacrifice she made to appease him was our friendship. Go figure, right? The second one was someone I knew for 5 years. We hung out all the time while she was here, did lots of friend like things. When she left town, we kept in touch... Myspace and Facebook are great for that. Out of the blue she sends me a message saying that she has been back in town for some time now but didn't tell me because she never really thought that we were good friends to begin with.
Two people who I deeply care about, one right after the other basically telling me how hard I can go fuck myself... Deep dark hole of depression, here I come! And, well, down I went in to the shadow of my own mind. During this time I started wondering... What makes us the saddest, and how can we pull our asses out of it? I asked a group of my friends to describe the saddest thing they have ever gone through. Some talked about the day their grandparents died, some talked about losing friends and loved ones. One friend told me about how she was taken away by the state at an early age. She said she woke up one day and realised that not only will she be no longer living with her Mommy and Daddy, but instead in a house with cold hearted relatives, completely devoid of any kind of love for her.
The common trait that I noticed among my friends was that they all described the loss of a relationship. When grandpa dies, you lose a reltionship. On the other hand, when you walk in on your wife of ten years fucking the next door neighbor, you lose a relationship. Friends walk away, your mom disowns you, and your poodle plays in traffic. Most of the sad things we go through end in the loss of some sort of relationship.
So now what are we supposed to do to be happy? Just not have relationships? No... If the negative parts of a relationship (including its end) outweighed the good parts, we would evolve beyond their need. It's as simple as that, if we didn't need it, we wouldn't have it. We DO need relationships though. We need parents to breathe life in to us, friends to keep us strong, we all occasionally need someone to come home to. We simply need to see that happiness is inside, not coming from another person.
How can you be happy when the world seems to be collapsing around you? Disassociate the happiness you feel, with the people you relate to. I'm not saying don't be happy around your loved ones. I'm not saying don't love them. What I want you to understand is that the happiness you feel is not coming from them. It might be influenced BY them, but it is coming from YOU. Your happiness to do with what you want, NOT theirs.
Understand that You cannot be happy all of the time. You shouldn't force yourself to be the happy, chipper, bubbly person that you usually are if you are going through a traumatic experience. Makes no sense to laugh at a funeral after all. In fact, all emotions have their place and time in our lives. Just as long as you know that those emotions are coming from your own mind, and not from someone or something else, then you can regain a degree of control and start working your way back to happiness.
I've found it helpful to remember that all closed doors open new ones. Romance, for instance. A girl finds out that a boy she is head over heels in love with has been cheating on her all through their 3 year relationship. She kicks him to the curb, but walks away an emotional wreck. A few months later however, she meets an absolutely wonderful guy. 20 years later, as they see their third kid off to college, they are still madly in love. Here's the question... If she had NOT discovered her ex for the ass he was, would the past 20 years have been possible? No, they wouldn't have been. She might have been married, she might have had kids but she wouldn't have got hooked up with Mr. Niceguy (she IS good girl, so no, she would not have cheated either). As you can see, closed doors... closed opportunities open new ones. Where despair lies, there is reason to hope. Storm clouds close the door on one bright sunny day, then by some paradox they make their own silver lining which is a door way to yet another sunny day. If clouds can do this, well, imagine what people can do... Keep your chin up!

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Nov 6 @ 1:40PM  
Heya sweetheart.. it's good to see you're still alive and kickin. Big hugs and hopes for many new plays to follow!

Nov 6 @ 8:26PM  
Very nice blog !!

Nov 6 @ 8:53PM  
Kudos on a well written blog.
I sure wish you'd drop by more often.

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An observation of what could have been.....