My name is neither germaine nor important. What is important is the message I am and the posability for hope I represent. I am a 61 year old caucasian male presenting with a Right Side CVS. (For those that don't know, That's a catastphic stroke). As of this writing, I am 12 months post. This document will journel my recovery and return to a high function role in society. It is a story of one step. It is the record of a series of brutal, agonizing steps taken in isolation. No encourgment was offered nor was any asked. God knows, I have a lot of faults, but ingraditude is not one of them. In truth I owe so meny people, Nurses, the unseen doctors and most of all the faceless CNA's who step for step traveled this journey at my side. I owe them all a debit of graditude I can never re-pay. There is no cerency suffient to settle this debit save perhapse compassion.
I stand before you today, nakid, newly re-born. Like the ledgindary Phonix risen from the ashes of my former self. Everything I was, everything I aspirsd to, my dreams, my wants, my needs, my wishes upon a star, the man I was ... it's all gone. Literally overnight, I woke up in a nursing home, a 'hoyer', barly able to verbilize yes/no, writen off by society.
The first thing taken from me was my modisty, and this Ill never find again. The next thing thay tryed to take, even before hope was lost was my dignety, and this I refused to serender. When I was hopeful I was informed how hopeless my situation was. You see dear reader, that was there mistake, for all my life, the best way to get me to do a thing, was to tell me I couldn't do it, my mother new this well. And how meny times I was told I would never walk again. I didn't know then how this would turn out, I just knew I was not going to set in that wheel chair, with a slack jawed smile on my face and drool on my self for the rest of my life. I knew, if I could just stand up ... then I could take a step.
And if I could take one step, just one tiny step, I could take two.
And if I could take two, I could take three. And, If I could take three steps, in the fullness of time, I would walk out the door of that home.
And if I could walk out of that door then ... you can too now.
So, it comes full circle. Standing at the threshold of whats to come, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Allthough I think Im going to like the man I've become better then the man I've lost.
But this I do know ... if you can stand...
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