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posted 10/6/2010 5:48:58 PM |
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  Wordsofwit

This is a shitty blog and demonstration of real life trivial pursuit. When you are on the pot attending to business number two, how do you prepare for the paper work for once the job is done?

I, personally, reel off a minimum of two feet of TP, then fold it into several layers resulting in a thick four inch by four inch square to attend to the job at hand upon conclusion of business. Sometimes, based upon the job at hand, I do this twice so as to ensure sufficient resources to accomplish the task.

Straddle loves my revelations about the "shotgun shit". That involves the turd propelled by powerful fart. The result is often a splash on your ass or freckled porcelain that will not depart no many how many times that you flush.

Well, I have to come to know, in growing older, that there are predictors in the outcome regarding this function. Once one sees the potential for a wet fart or "shotgun shit", proactive measures are not only needed, but can be taken. So adjustments on my part have been made.

Under these conditions, once the wiping has been done, TP is then folded it into several layers resulting in a four inch by four inch square and placed in the crack as a form crap kevlar to absorb the impact of any wet farts or "shotgun shit", and alleviate any potential embarrassment in public resulting from a wet fart. Additionally, even if not wet, powerful farts can blow holes in your underwear, thereby defeating their purpose. It also, through the shielding, reduces the time and effort, and frequency of toilet cleaning.

This is very important as when you get older, differentiating from a need to fart and take a dump is much more difficult. The answer to the question is much more iffy.

The additional benefit is that it greatly reduces splashes on the ass and makes toilet bowl cleaning much less labor intensive. It is kind of like the principle of kevlar and bullets.

Any guy denying elements of this post is either a liar or gay (eg, his farts don't make noise).

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Comments:

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sugarnspice005

Oct 6 @ 6:12PM  
Well, rather "shitty" blog....wouldn't you say?
KitKat25

Oct 6 @ 6:18PM  
Under these conditions, once the wiping has been done, TP is then folded it into several layers resulting in a four inch by four inch square and placed in the crack as a form crap kevlar to absorb the impact of any wet farts or "shotgun shit", and alleviate any potential embarrassment in public resulting from a wet fart.
I read ^^^ this ^^^ part and my snorts became huge laughs. Good gosh WoW...I guess we all know what you've been doing today.
StraddleMyNose

Oct 6 @ 6:27PM  


Yes, this is indeed a shitty blog.

Straddle loves my revelations about the "shotgun shit".
What can I say....I'm still amazed that you haven't blown a hole in one of your walls there, Bruce.
Wordsofwit

Oct 6 @ 6:44PM  
Good gosh WoW...I guess we all know what you've been doing today.

Actually, I have truly been doing this for several months. Anyway, earlier this week I made this delectable homemade soup that involved several beans...and...the strategy proved not only effective, but needed!

I'm still amazed that you haven't blown a hole in one of your walls there, Bruce.

Well, to be honest, and yes, TMI. I sleep on my side facing the middle of the room and well, some wall cleaning was required a couple of times in the past. Shall we say, I discovered that my shotgun was actually a rifle. As I used a semi-gloss enamel when I repainted, clean up was no problem. NOW that is an honest man testifying before you.

But do you think that, that situation when spooning with the woman on the back side could be a deal breaker?
sugarnspice005

Oct 6 @ 6:45PM  
But do you think that, that situation when spooning with the woman on the back side could be a deal breaker?

Yep!!!
theSkwirl

Oct 6 @ 6:57PM  
Oh my gawd... Oh my gawd.. Ok that does it.. we can fuck but we are NOT cuddling!
hog77297

Oct 6 @ 7:12PM  
Damn, now I have had a wet fart or two but not to the extent that I need to pack my crack with TP. Maybe you could opt for a cork.
somnium

Oct 6 @ 7:31PM  
how do you prepare for the paper work for once the job is done?

By addressing people by the universal salutation: To whom it may concern!

onehornytoad69

Oct 6 @ 7:41PM  
SHIT up Straight WoW...!!! It helps!!
KitKat25

Oct 6 @ 9:13PM  
Oh my gawd... Oh my gawd.. Ok that does it.. we can fuck but we are NOT cuddling!
I know right Skwirl?!?!
I'm so grossed out...and yet I'm still snickering over this damn blog!

*Starts banging her head against the wall...*
1bunny629

Oct 7 @ 3:10AM  
Sunshinegal35

Oct 9 @ 7:29PM  
I love the term "shotgun shit"! It's SO descriptive! My ex-husband used to call that "spray" (he is Japanese and it sounds even more hilarious in Japanese- the word for spray, not the actual act of spray itself LOL)
I also find my choice of TP VERY important! Charmin (red package) is the way to go! I hate TP that is so thin all it does is spread the shotgun shit around!!!!!

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Toilet Paper