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I had to make another decision in my life....

posted 9/28/2010 7:05:29 PM |
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  alybai42

I will tell you being a parent is a hard job. And being a single one is harder if you ask me. I have to make all the decisions on how to raise my daughter.

She is 15 1/2 now. Looks like about 18. I gave her permisson to start dating when she started high school which was last year. There are rules to that. No car dating. I am to know where you are at all times. I thought I could trust her. Until I found her journal. I found out she has had sex. Unprotected. I have had I don't know how many talks about when that day comes to use protection.
My friend kept telling me to put her on birth control. This has been going on for a year now. I said I don't want to. I said I feel like I am giving her permisson to have sex if I put her on birth contol. I wanted her to wait. Too late for that one now.

I finally broke down and made a appointment at the women's clinic to put her on birth control. We go this week.
She don't have a boyfriend right now but there is one she is interested in.
I can't stop her from having sex, But I can protect her from getting pregnate.

I just hope I am making the right decision.

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Comments:

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whisperingcomet

Sep 28 @ 7:11PM  
IMHO...you are def making the right decision....my thought was always...I didnt think she would be in a car wreck, but if she was...I wanted her the be wearing a seat belt...an unwanted, while not unloved, child can change her whole life...
StraddleMyNose

Sep 28 @ 7:12PM  
I don't condone it either, Tammy, but I guess you're going to have to play it safe with her and get her on it before something happens. I know it's very hard. Hang in there.
PinkToeNails

Sep 28 @ 7:14PM  
You are making THE BEST decision possible! If she's already having sex, she's going to keep having sex! Best to put her on the pill... it's not giving her permission to have sex, it's being a responsible parent! I've had my daughter on BC since she was 15 cause she had a steady boyfriend and I knew eventually they would have sex! Don't be one of those parents who think their child isn't going to have sex!! That's the best thing you can do for her... I would hate to see her get pregnant at her age! And if you have to, dole it out to her everyday so that you make sure she's taking it!
Good luck!! And don't beat yourself up over this! Would you rather her be on the pill or would you rather raise your grandchild?

RJ53

Sep 28 @ 7:22PM  
Birth control is good for not getting pregnant but she really needs to think about using protection so she does not catch something out there. Kids that age tend to think that cannot happen to me until it does. She needs to understand there are things like AIDS out there and when she has sex with the guy she is having sex with everyone he had sex with.
alybai42

Sep 28 @ 7:22PM  
Thanks for the comments..

I am thinking of putting her on the shot. It is every 3 month's I think? Knowing both of us we would forget to hand her the pill everyday. Hell I forget to take my thryoid pill most of the time.

I don't want her to be a teen mom. I want her to go to college when the times comes. Get a good job (hopefully). Get married. Then have kids..Many years from now.

I was almost 32 when I had her. I am glad I waited. Did all my fun, drinking, running around before I had her. Then I was ready to settle down.
alybai42

Sep 28 @ 7:27PM  
RJ,

I have had that talk with her. I said if you have unprotected sex you don't know who you had sex with. Especially the one who took her virginity. He is a scum bag. She had the hots for him for a few years and all he wanted from her was sex. He moved to another state now..

I will get a box of condom's also. She knows more about STD than I do I think? She should know better than be unprotected.
Wordsofwit

Sep 28 @ 7:59PM  
My friend kept telling me to put her on birth control. This has been going on for a year now. I said I don't want to. I said I feel like I am giving her permisson to have sex if I put her on birth contol.

You are the parent, you also know desires, seen it/done it. If a teen has a kid, the future is inhibited, largely fucked. Game, set, match.
ladybootscooter

Sep 28 @ 8:38PM  
Been there done that with my step daughter. She moved in with us at the age of 15. AFTER she moved in her mom calls and says I should put her on birth control cos she's already had sex with her boyfriend there.

I thought about it, and yes it was hard to do but I took her and had her put on the pill and then I bought a big box of condoms. I sat her down and had a long talk with her. I told her that while I didn't condone it, I knew her. If I said "don't" she would break her neck trying to do just that! I told her that I didn't want her out with some boy and in the heat of the moment she couldn't or didn't want to say no. She was to offer up a condom and tell him he could wear that or wear his jeans. No one should have to pay with their life for a moment of stupidity.

You did what you needed to do. What you have to do when you love your child and want to protect them and their future.
sugarnspice005

Sep 28 @ 9:09PM  
I agree with everyone else, you definitely made the right choice. She's already having sex, and she's going to keep on having sex.
KitKat25

Sep 28 @ 9:34PM  
Hang in there Aly.
You most definitely made the right decision.
Your daughter is very lucky to have a mom like you.
theSkwirl

Sep 28 @ 10:31PM  
In my opinion, not only is it the right decision, it's the only decision you could make. She's already proven that she doesn't think ahead. So, since you would be responsible for the consequences.. you have every right to be responsible to see it doesn't happen.

Hugs babe.. mommin ain't easy!
justme4u

Sep 29 @ 1:32AM  
Yeah great decision. You dont want her to ruin her life getting pregnant young. Tell he though protection is important too because the stuff out there now is for life if she caught anything
tassie1

Sep 29 @ 6:07AM  
hmmm, been there done that, now have two daughters in their mid 20's both have kids ... teenage girls can be hell trying to talk sense to, they listen but it doesn't sink in . putting her on the pill is a good thing even if it isn't what you personally want to approve of, but in this day and age she really needs to think more about what else she can get from unprotected sex, pregnant is the least of her worries.
locally over here, clymidia is rampant among teenagers who don't think to use protection when they're out partying, or think using condoms is uncool at the time.
soft_touch938

Sep 29 @ 7:57AM  
I was a mother at 15 and I'm here to say having a baby too young and single will NOT ruin a life. I think when girls are told this it goes in one ear and out the other because they know babies no matter when they're conceived are a blessing. In their minds they know they'd love their child but for the life of them they cannot get a grasp on the reality of what comes into play raising a baby before they are mentally and emotionally ready. They cannot see just how much their lives will change. At that age everything is romanticized...they only see the glorified side of raising a child.

What having babies does do in these circumstances is change the whole trajectory of a girls future and the future of that child. It makes life tougher in every way and the repercussions can reverberate for many years to come. She's forced to make decisions she's not equipped in her immature mind to make.

The victim here is the baby, not the teenager...if there has to be a victim. In these circumstances it takes the whole family to support both mother and child and if that happens then her life changes in every way but it certainly isn't ruined.

Here are my "credentials" for the above opinion. At 15 I gave birth to a daughter which with my family's help I kept. Less than 2 years later I again had a baby and this time I had to make the decision to adopt her out. I know the pain of that decision.

I married and had a daughter. When both my girls grew up, they both became pregnant at the same time. My oldest made the decision and was prepared to have a child. My youngest wasn't...her IUD failed and the decision to put her baby up for adoption was a heartwrenching decision.

I took my oldest daughter at age 15 and had her put on the pill...she was sexually active and it was just a matter of time before she'd get pregnant...better to put her on the pill.

A pregnancy may change lives but if a girl's life is ruined then it's usually her own fault for continuing to make one bad decision after another. Choices...it all depends on her choices.

You did the right thing.

JMHO

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I had to make another decision in my life....