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For Revdoclove - Jokes

posted 9/28/2010 1:15:30 PM |
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I thought I'd throw out some giggles and grins. They may be reruns, I don't know, some are.

The First Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'

The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?' The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!'

The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Bob, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Bob had the largest private part he had ever seen! 'I'm sorry Mr. Bob,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.' So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. 'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. 'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Bob is dead!'

The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.' 'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room. 'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.' No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned! with a sandwich and a beer. 'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.' 'One Cent?' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?' 'A nickel,' the barman replied. 'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?' The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.' The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'
The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.' 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied... 'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

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post a comment!


Sep 28 @ 1:20PM  


Sep 28 @ 1:22PM  

I sure do miss Rev.

Sep 28 @ 2:51PM  
I miss rev!!!!

Those were pretty funny Bruce! I'm glad you posted this!!!

And see.. we do read your blogs too!!

Sep 28 @ 4:22PM  
* coughs and clears his throat before doing his best ever WOW's voice impersonation

yep , heard all of them, why doesn't anyone ever post a kjoke I've ever heard before

howzat did i do good ?
I knew I'd get ya sooner or later

on a more cereal note, I miss ole Doc, I'm gonna have to send out a homing pidgeon and make sure th ole coot is ok,if i'd known it was gonna take him this long to get back on the cyber-air I'd have mailed him an el cheapo laptop since his original hamster up and died in his world war one original 'puter

Sep 28 @ 4:26PM  
Docs old computer was sooo old, it didn't have speakers, it came with its own roller skates and ghetto blaster .

Docs old computer was sooo old it came in a wooden box, and that wasn't the packaging either .

Docs old computer was soooo old , it didn't eventually blow up , it just gave a sigh of relief and blew away in a cloud of dust

I kill myself some days

Sep 28 @ 10:06PM  
Funny Schtuff WoW!
You too Tassie.

Thanks for posting these jokes in RevDoc's honor WoW. I think we all miss him a lot...and wish he would come back and play.

Sep 28 @ 10:11PM  

Feb 23 @ 2:03AM  
And see.. we do read your blogs too!! Everyone tolerates even your blogs.

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For Revdoclove - Jokes