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If you could write your Pet

posted 9/3/2010 7:09:50 AM |
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  onehornytoad69

A Short Letter....!!!(and the Pet could read and understand the letter you wrote, and even give you some feed back! )
What would you Ask/Tell said Pet?
My letter to" Blackie" would be..as Follows! :
My Dearest Blackie!!!
I just want to let you Know...you are my Very Bestest Friend in the World!!!
I truly love ya like you were my Son!!!
You are my Sunshine in the Darkest of Nights!! Thanks for being an awesome friend!!! I Love ya Man!!!
Since I have your Attention...let me share a couple of thoughts with ya...Okies??
Do you think when I bring a Lady here(meaning Past women!)...that I do it for You? Please keep your Big Nose out of their Crotches !!!!! OKIES? I don't Share!!!
Just one other thing..Son...Ummmmmmm If you run and Jump on me from behind one more damn time(knocking me for a FLIP!!!)...You are dead Meat,Do you hear ME????!!!! )
Love Dad!!!
I can hear his Reply Now.....:
My dearest Dad......The reason I sniff out the Ladies you bring here..is for your Protection..Only!!! Its all about making sure its a Woman!! Dad, you have brought home some Dogs..so I just want to help you out...by making sure they are Human! OK Pop?
I thought by me knocking you big ass to ground by hitting you from behind was a Game we Played!! Dad You don't like that? I Sowwie......Me be a good Dog..Ok Pop? (coughs..BS!)
Love Blackie!!!

Hell I was bored!!! Shoot me!!!
What would you say to your Pet?

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Comments:

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justa_country_boy

Sep 3 @ 7:52AM  
Dear Mutt,
It's really annoying seeing you lick your own ass
Signed Master

Dear Master ,AKA tightwad
Stop buying this cheap ass dog food so i would have to lick my ass to get the tatste to go way
Signed Mutt
sugarnspice005

Sep 3 @ 11:08AM  
Let's see:

Dear Pains in the ass,

While I am at work, please stay off the furniture and wait until I get home before going potty in the house.

Love, Mommy


Dear Mommy,

The floor is hard, and the furniture is so soft. Sorry about the potty thing...we will try to hold it....but if you're late getting home from work.....we make no promises.

P.S. Since you didn't mention staying out of the cat food.....can we still eat it?

Love, Us!
flavorbuster

Sep 3 @ 11:13AM  
I do remember all the pets I had growing up. I would just say I will not forget their personalities & they are missed & I'm really sorry they are gone. In memory of ....
Barnubus: A white German Shepherd who would push the garage door open & let it rest on his back until I crawled out. It took some time for my mom to figure out how I was always popping up in the front yard.
Prissy : My female wiener dog who loved chasing fireworks like bottle rockets & them .......... chasers.
George: My beer drinking black labrador
Moses: black wire haired terrier who could jump higher than a cat who loved to jump in my arms & lick my face.
Sam: brown, black, & white registered treeing walker dog who was always on the prowl
Brian: A big ass black & gray Great Dane who would fart then try to hide behind the coffee table. Yes he knew he dealt it.
Clementine: A brown Hereford cow I could ride like a horse. She never bucked but I'm still glad her horns grew downwards.
Casper: a white gentle charlais bull until you jumped on his back.
Tweetie: cockatiel that belonged to my brother-n- law & died on the same (month) day he did a few years later
justme4u

Sep 3 @ 12:54PM  
Dear Luther
Stop pissing on my friends
Dad

Dear Dad
Tell your friends to stop sitting by the trees :)
Luther
whisperingcomet

Sep 3 @ 3:03PM  
Dear Little Jake...

you are the sweetest little dog...I know i tell you this all of the time, but its true...you are the sweetest little dog.

I enjoy snuggling with you everynite, and im looking forward to cool evenings when we share a blanket on the couch.

I enjoy, really really enjoy our morning ball games, even when you take that long jack russell nose and scoot the ball under the edge of the couch, so i get to lift one end and you dash in and get it..

Im so proud of you that you never make messes, or bother anything that doesnt belong to you.

and remember when you won second place in the pet talent show...if only that lady hadnt shown up with a miniture dancing pony....the bitch....you would have won first place..but at least the local newspaper recognized talent and posted your photo in the local paper rather than that cursied dancing pony...oh i mean "miniture" dancing pony, she wasnt happy just to have a regular dancing pony..oh no...she had to have a mini...the bitch!

and most of all, im glad you chose me to share your life with...love mom


Jake....I know...shhh..im sleeping


I m so proud that you know what "lets take a nap in mammas bed means"!
StraddleMyNose

online now!
Sep 3 @ 3:37PM  
To all my cats!

Keep the basement clean, and Angel, you're in charge when I'm not home. Make sure everyone gets along and doesn't fight.

Wordsofwit

Sep 3 @ 3:37PM  
Dear Manfred and Deirdre,

You have it pretty easy. Yeah, it is the same old crap everyday for dinner, but it is worth every penny that you pay and I share pizza with you. You have a 1,500 square foot dog house and a choice of beds, not just "dog" beds, full size beds. Plus you can go outside naked and pee on a tree. If I did that, I would be arrested. You don't have to work and you can lick your own crotch.

Hugs,

Dad

Dear Dad,

You bitch about how boring it is on AMD. Well, it is boring here too. There hasn't been a cat to chase in the neighborhood for over a year since we killed the last one. Who gives a damn about chasing a ball or a stick. You bitch about us chewing up your underwear and socks. Put the damned things in the laundry hamper then. Then there is the damned obnoxious vacuum cleaner. If your hearing was as good as ours, you would understand why we hate it. Can't you find a more peaceful way to clean the floor?

What the hell is there for us to do? We used to like watching Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck on TV, but they aren't on anymore. How about buying a DVD?

A kid cuts the corner of the lawn (rude little bastards) and instead of appreciating us watching out for our property, you say, "Will you be quiet"

Then there are those rude remarks about our shortcomings, tails in particular, that are not appreciated. Things like, "Oh what a gorgeous spitz. I just love a white dog with a beautiful LONG tail!" Asshole. Let me tell you white hair may be cool on a dog, but it ain't lookin' so great on a man from my point of view.

As for licking a crotch, dude you have two hands and paws just don't get the job done if you know what I mean. Besides, who is the one that got neutered, dickhead. You took the man out of Manfred

Yeah, I guess we could have it a hell of a lot worse, but so could you. You have two nice loving dogs and we have a very giving person. Maybe we should count our blessings.

Love,

Manfred and Deirdre
1bunny629

Sep 3 @ 3:40PM  
geee...how do I begin???

Dearest Little Talulah, You are the prettiest little girl I have ever seen or had for my own. I thought Fiona was, but somehow you out did her. Every morning I wake up to your cold little nose wiggling into mine to see if I am alive. How sweet of you to check on me! Then it's ball time and your zippy skippy ready to go. I asdore your game and how well you bring the ball back to me and pkace it in my hand. You are one smart cookie.
I know you don't like it when I come the dreds out of your fluffy long ear hair, I know you were going for the dred look, but your toenails get caught in them when you scratch and it ills me to hear you screech when it happens. What if it happened when I was not home to do tangle you? So I am sorry, but it has to be done.
I love how you will only eat when I am sitting in the kitchen with you. It cracks me up that you eat from the opposite side of your mouth after each bite kinda lie your rotating chews so all your teeth will stay strong. Who does that? It is also humorous to watch because your ball has to be in the dish or beside it while you eat and if it rolls away you have to go get it to finish your meal. Fiona used to do that to and you're not even related.
I love how you don't have to bark at everything like Mr. Beau Diddly did. He barked at the air. Talulah, you let the neighborhood kitties come in the yard to enjoy the sunshine and you don't even bother them, you think they are your friends. This warms my heart.
You are a very friendly pup. When I introduce you to anyone and their pups you are very willing to play and share your toys. How sweet is that. What a precious girl you are. Even if you do throw my shoes down the stairs while I am in the shower, you don't eat them or rip anything to shreds.
The way you look at me as if to say I love you Mommy. The way you walk iin such a prissy sway and the tufts of the hair sticking out beside your tail shifts back and forth as you wiggle. I love our time together. I love everything about you. Your my special girl.
Thank you for loving me. I will always be your Mommy and your friend. Hugs and kisses, Me

Dearest Mommie...I love you too...dou you think I could have more snicky snacks. I love snicky snacks! I know you don't want me to get fat, but geeezzzz, I excercise all the time...Thanks for always fishing the ball out from underneath the dresser. I know it makes you nutty cause I do it when you're getting ready for work. I wish I could stop, but something inside me tells me to do it...can't figure that out??? Thanks for combing me ever so gently, I know you know it could hurt. Thanks for my tummy rubs and sweet nothings you talk to me about everyday. I love the attention. Oh yeah...and when we dance together listening to that funny music you like...I know I look silly, but I let you do it cause you get so much joy out of it! Your the best Mommie...I love you!

alrighty then...that wa refreshing!
whisperingcomet

Sep 3 @ 5:01PM  
LOL...we do love our fur babies!

I esp enjoy manfred and tulahal...keep posting..

im a little BWI...but i really an enjoying the post about our" family"s
1bunny629

Sep 3 @ 6:20PM  
oh...ha! Hey Mommie, I forgot...thanks for the lovely massages you give me everyday. They helped with my growth comfort and my ability to stay agile and they feel so good. I kiss you because I love you and you kiss me back...it makes me feel special....lots of other funny things you do make me wonder??? I know I have big teeth. Why do you keep pushing my lips up into my gums to show everyone how big my teeth are? It's kinda embarrassing! Also...I know I have a cute little cowlick on top of my nose bridge. Quit trying to ruffle it...it's there...and I know it's cute!Kinda like dimples..it makes me extra cute!Ok...that's enough for now...love you! Talulah or 2lew like your old boss used to call me. I miss going to work with you!
ma47

Sep 3 @ 6:38PM  
Please quit humping that good looking neighbors leg,,,,I'd like to be doing it.
KitKat25

Sep 3 @ 7:26PM  
Dear Gizmo, Aquarius, Scooter, Tigger, Kanga, & Roo,
I love you lil’ fur balls so much!
I love it when you come running to me for apple and raisin treats. I also love the way you let me nose kiss you whenever I want to…and actually seem to enjoy it.
Thank you for letting me sing children’s songs and show tunes to you…and even coming out of your houses and tubes...and acting engaged and interested in each and every song I sing.
Thanks for hopping onto my lap to say “hi”…or sitting beside me on the floor when you could be running around and bouncing off the walls.
Thanks for posing so pretty when it’s picture time. It makes it so much easier for me to capture all those cute chinchilla moments.
Thanks for being so sweet and endearing...and for showing me all your adorable personalities. It’s been so much fun getting to know each one of you. My life is so much sweeter with all of you in it.
Love,
Mom
P.S. Please stop digging like dogs in your shavings…you’re making a huge mess on the floor…and it’s kind of strange…cuz you’re not dogs…you’re chinchillas.

Dear Mom,
We love you too...but is it really necessary to tell us just how much you love us each and every day?
And about the apples and raisin treats…what’s with this 3 treats per day crap?!? We LOVE apples and raisins…and we would really like you to stop rationing our “happy food”. You’re totally harshing our mellow!
Lets see…yanno how you love to nose kiss us so much? Could you wait until we’re fully awake? It’s kind of spooky when we open our eyes…and your nose is glued to ours. It’s also kind of needy. Can’t you get a hobby or something?!?
Now about your singing…we hate to burst your bubble Mom…but we’re looking at you cuz you’re strange…not cuz we love your singing. We’re just saying…
Oh…and yanno when we’re having outside cage time Mom…and we hop onto your lap…and you think it’s cuz we’re saying “hi”? We’re not. We’re just trying to get past you…and your legs are in our way. How about leaving us a little bit more room so we don’t have to climb over you like some piece of playground equipment?
At this time…we really need you to rethink the whole picture-taking behavior. We’ve posed pretty for 6 years now…and the pictures never stop. Don’t you have enough pictures of us by now? If you don’t…you’re doing something wrong…we’re sure of it.
Thanks for giving us our own room…but it would really be nice if you could close our door more often…and give us a little bit of privacy. It would also be great if you wouldn’t talk, walk or make ANY type of NOISE during the day…cuz we’re trying to get our beauty rest…and we really don’t like ANY type of NOISE when we’re snoozing. On second thought…why don’t you just sleep during the day…and play at night instead? We think this would be best for all concerned.
Please remember to buy more apples and raisins because we’re out…and you know how cranky we can get without our favorite fruit.
We love you too Mom. We also adore our chinchilla room.
Love,
The Chin Gang
P.S. We love to chew on cardboard. So if you want us to stop digging…don’t forget to give us small pieces of cardboard to chew on. So this situation is really your fault...not ours.
KitKat25

Sep 3 @ 7:33PM  
Here's a basket full of kudos for such a fun and original blog idea. I had so much fun writing my letters...and reading all the other pet letters. You did good Mr. Toadman.
1bunny629

Sep 3 @ 8:01PM  
This blog is really a hoot! Thanks...I needed some fun!...kudo!
theSkwirl

Sep 3 @ 8:21PM  
Dear Molly and Cooper,

I'm so glad that I have you two to talk to. It would get awfully lonely here some days without you. Yeah, I know I yell at you when you bark because a butterfly in Argentina flapped his wings, but I'm glad you care enough to protect me from it. You're good dogs.

The only thing I wanna ask of you is this.. Molly, would you please start cleaning up the hair you leave everywhere? I love you but I'm so tired of trying to keep up with the wads of Molly everywhere. And Cooper, could you please learn to hold your licker? I don't mind one or two licks but .. come on.. you'd lick me for an hour if I let you. It gets tiresome after a while.

Love, Mom

Dear Mom.

hold still, we are trying to keep your toes warm. Thanks.
1bunny629

Sep 4 @ 12:37AM  
I forgot about this letter I wrote...My New Baby!...here is the site where it was published with Talulah's pic!...my lil girl is growing up!
onehornytoad69

Sep 4 @ 12:50AM  
I checked out the Pic..!
Awesome Bunny,She's Beautiful Like You are!!! ...
1bunny629

Sep 4 @ 1:26AM  
Thank you!
whisperingcomet

Sep 4 @ 7:42AM  
Dear Little Jake....i love you....

Dear Mom.....i love you too...
AngiePants

Sep 9 @ 2:28AM  
Dear Keone,

You are the cutest kitten in the world. I really hope you're enjoying your life with us. I know we just got you a few weeks ago, but you seem happy and joyful! I also hope you're enjoying the old kitties beds and toys and playgrounds. You know how lucky you are to have your very own room? Even if you like to sleep in my bed, you get stuck way too often and I don't like fishing you out and thinking you might get hurt. So, till you're a bigger kitty, you sleep in your room.

Also, thank you for being so nice to the baby. I KNOW she can be obnoxious and loud and touchy and doesn't play good and slaps you sometimes. But she's a baby and loves you a lot. She just wants to play. She is really good to you though, right? She can't get out of bed without her "kiki" in her room first! Or she won't go to bed without saying goodnight! She loves you a ton and I'm SO happy you're gentle with her and never ever claw her. (Except for the time she laid on you and you got scared... It's okay. Accidents happen.)

I really like that you like to potty in your box. Cleaning up poopoo isn't my favorite task. I clean a babys poo, I don't need yours too. So thank you!

Also, I'm sorry daddy snores so loud. It bugs me too.

Love Mommy!



Dear Mommy,

Thank you for taking me home with you! I really like the baby. She seems infatuated with me. And I know she can't get up or go to bed without me. She loves me bunches and bunches.

I do like my room. It's filled with wonderful toys and houses and beds and strings! I just wish you'd let me snuggle your legs every night like when baby is napping. I enjoy special time with you when it's quite and I can actually play the way I should.

I like my litter box. But you know what would make it better? Not letting the baby pee in it! That's gross.

BTW!! Why am I not allowed in the kitchen? That's bull crap. I like the kitchen. I like slidding on the floor and peeking under the sink.

Daddy does snore. But YOUR snoring gets to me.

Ps- I need more water during the day. I tend to knock mine over with my klutzy paws. Thanks.

Love Keone! <3

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If you could write your Pet