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When going out, who pays? - Partial Repost

posted 7/20/2010 7:43:46 AM |
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  Wordsofwit

I am going to put a few of things in here that are somewhat interrelated regarding dating customs, traditional versus current. I submit three questions.

None of this is new, but as best as I can recall, it has been awhile since the subjects have been brought up.

When going out, who pays?
posted 2/9/2009 8:28:20 AM

Question 1: When going out, who pays, the man, the woman, both?

For me it is both and has been for at least 30 years. It is that way with most everyone I know even if they alternate on who foots the bill. The extent of the split is also influenced by who can best afford to pay for it. Even then one person may pay for the meal while the other insists on leaving the tip.

Here is the link to the original post.

As an aside, when I went back through my blog archives and found this one, I noticed that all ten of the blogs on that page had between 182 and 297 views. That was before we had odd people running up the views. View numbers like this were commonplace for many posts by many people. I bring this up to show how much things have changed in a year and a half.

I digress, sorry.

Question 2: This involves being a "gentleman", opening doors and pulling out chairs.

My mother instilled in me to open doors for a lady and, if dining, to pull out the chair. Except for opening a door of a building, that seems to have largely gone by the way side. Even then, whoever gets to the door first opens it. With the car, I will get out of the car and go around to the other side and nine times out of ten, the lady has already gotten out. Unless the wait staff pulls out the lady's chair, same thing, nine out of ten times she does it herself.

Question 3: Who drives?

In the old days it was always the guy. But as time has come to pass, taking the designated driver element out of the equation, I have seen more and more women wanting to drive. I tend to think it is a desire to not relinquish control and have an easy exit if they choose. I have no preference on this one, one way or another. Whatever she wants to do on this one is fine by me.

On who pays and the "gentleman" questions. I have found that there can be quite a split on how people, women especially, feel about it. There are some that not only desire to go the old fashioned route, but expect it. If they do pay, it symbolizes that the guy is not getting laid and no return engagements are forthcoming.

On the other side, there have been a lot of women I have known that resent the old fashioned gender defined roles, viewing it all as outdated, maybe even chauvinistic and sexist. In some cases, it is a red flag or deal breaker.

For me, the old fashioned ways are not preferred. It is not that I am a lout. I also see nothing wrong with being old fashioned or traditional. There is no right or wrong way to be.

It is very much more that over years, I have come to know that it symbolizes incompatibility issues in how we relate to one another. Cultural affinity is a big deal with me. A woman that is steeped too much in traditional dating etiquette is symbolic, representing a potential harbinger of irreconcilable differences later on.

What do you think?

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Comments:

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Sunshine79

Jul 20 @ 10:11AM  
Never ASSume someone is going to pay for you. I say, go dutch unless at which point the other offers to pay. If that happens, I think it's only fair to pick up the tip of the other pays.
soft_touch938

Jul 20 @ 10:54AM  
If he asks me out then he pays. Other than that, lets say walking into the Eagles and sitting beside him having drinks, it's his choice but I don't expect it at all.

I'd say if it's a joint venture....like spur of the moment going to the fair or flea market ect. then I at least make the effort to pay my own way and don't have the expectation that he owes it to me to pay my way.

If it's my idea then I expect to pay but usually it ends up dutch.
1bunny629

Jul 20 @ 12:40PM  
I don't even think about it. If I am going out I expect to have my own money; even if it is a date. If he offers, then I accept based on how I feel about the guy...but my norm is, I don't go out with a guy unless I really like him. I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression.
theSkwirl

Jul 20 @ 2:12PM  
I may be a bit rare in this day and age, but I LOVE when I am treated like a lady. I may not always act like one.. but I like being treated like one.

Who pays? Depends on which one of us has the cash.
StraddleMyNose

Jul 20 @ 2:40PM  
I pay!

However, I was taken out on a treat for my birthday one time where she paid when we did chinese food that day.
RJ53

Jul 20 @ 2:56PM  
It all depends on the situation as to who pays. Believe it or not I found a lot of the guys in Greenwich Village back in the early 70s had some of the best manners when it came to opening doors and picking up a tab for dinner without expecting to end up in my bed at the end of the evening. I always offered to pay half but most said no as they had a career and I was still in college. Now days it depends on who has the money as to who pays. As independent as I have always been I have always preferred to be treated like a lady and with respect. That does not always mean opening every door or pulling out my chair but general respect is very much expected and if not there, no second date is forthcoming.
StraddleMyNose

Jul 20 @ 4:47PM  
I noticed that I missed your other two questions.

open doors for a lady
I do this most of the time. Some women hate it, but i have found that most women do prefer gentlemen.

The last one is who drives?
Whoever wants to drive. I have a lot of times, but others times women do like to drive.


Sunshine79

Jul 20 @ 8:22PM  
As for opening doors and pulling out chairs. I think it's a gentlemanly thing to do. The proper thing. However, I've never had the pleasure of dating such kind of man. So, I'm not used to it at all. More taken aback when someone does do it.

Driving. I absolutely love have a man chauffer me around. If your referring to who drives to the dinner day, I'd say just meet there. However, It's a very sweet gesture to come and pick up your date.
sugarnspice005

Jul 20 @ 8:55PM  
Question 1: When going out, who pays, the man, the woman, both?

Any time I've been asked out to dinner, my date paid for it. When Mick and I would go out..he always paid for it. I would pay the tip.


Question 2: This involves being a "gentleman", opening doors and pulling out chairs.


I love it when a door is held open, and I always say "thank you".

Question 3: Who drives?

When Mick was around, he drove most of the time. Especially on the trips down to Detroit. He grew up in Detroit, knew all the "tricks" of driving down there. He offered to let me drive a few times, to which I said "HELL NO!" They drive like lunatics down there!
KitKat25

Jul 22 @ 10:41PM  
When going out, who pays, the man, the woman, both?

If a guy asks me out...then I think he should pay. If we meet someplace neutral...then I usually go dutch. If I ask a guy out...then I pay. I've actually picked up the entire bill twice.

This involves being a "gentleman", opening doors and pulling out chairs.

I think guys should open doors and pull of chairs for ladies. I love it when a guy does these things for me.

Who drives?

I'm flexible on this point and I've even let a guy drive my car if he wanted to because it's always been my experience that most guys like to drive.
Loveyoulongtime2

Jul 23 @ 12:18AM  
I usually pay when going out, but she cooks when we have fun at her place.
I like to open doors for her and open pickle jars etc.
I do the driving and buy the gas.

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When going out, who pays? - Partial Repost