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Would You Date Two People At The Same Time?

posted 7/18/2010 6:59:40 AM |
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I was talking with a friend the other day about dating and being single…and I mentioned how we seemed to have so much more energy back when we were younger. When I thought more about this statement…I realized just how true it really was. I can remember constantly burning the candle at both ends when I was younger…and even dating more than one guy at a time. Gaud…if I could only bottle that energy now. I don’t think I care about the money I could possibly make…I just want the damn energy!

This particular conversation also reminded me of another conversation that I had recently had with my son. My son’s life is an absolute whirlwind of activity…and he’s very active social life includes buddies...and sometimes multiple girlfriends. In fact…his social calendar makes my head spin.

Well…he regularly shares little details about some of the gals in his life…and heck if I can keep them all straight! Well…about 2 months ago…he began dating a girl exclusively and he told me an unfortunate story about how he addressed another girl by the wrong name and got taken to task severely for his actions. Of course…he didn’t mean anything by it…but his date didn’t care…and she got quite mad. I can’t say that I blame her because I know I would’ve felt exactly the same way if I had been in her shoes.

I think it was at this point when my son decided that dating more than one girl at a time was way too much trouble…and I’m thinking he may just be right.

So Pervia…Would you date two people at the same time?

Me? I’ve done this twice before. Once when I was younger (18)…and another time when I was a bit older (33). I can honestly say that both my experiences were less than stellar. In fact...I found it to be a huge hassle…and not really worth the trouble it caused. Plus...when one guy found out about the other guy…a competition would usually ensue.

Your turn…

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Jul 18 @ 8:55AM  
I did it many times without regret. Under certain circumstances you almost have to. Let's say you have split up with somebody, have gone through phase of sitting on the sidelines regrouping and are ready to commence dating again.

There are three drivers involved in reactivating your desires to meet new people: sex, a potential relationship, and activity partner(s).

Regardless of how you meet people. You need to take your time in evaluating one another. It is also more than likely that you will have the opportunity to meet several people at about the same time, usually within two weeks to a month of commencing to meet somebody new.

It is almost always going to take time and several meetings for the potential to emerge as well as any emotional attraction. If the quality of the people is pretty similar, then there are different attributes, elements and combinations that attract you to different people. This can include looks, intellect, shared interests, sense of humor, etc.

The process and natural flow is going to take time. Hastily choosing one person out of several within a few weeks is putting all of your eggs in one basket. It isn't like picking a puppy out of the litter. It is going to take time for things to sort themselves out.

Taking the approach of immediate gratification in what I call fast food romance is usually foolish resulting in ongoing crash and burn cycles. Many people do this though, two visits to the bedroom and it is christened boyfriend/girlfriend.

By dating more than one person the relationships will find their own levels and sort themselves out. Maybe one person holds no romantic potential but is definite friend material and worth retaining. It takes time to find out. By dating more than one person you have points of reference to where you can compare and contrast people. You can probably do a lot more things and discover new places to do them to broaden your horizons.

Of course, there are going to be people who don't agree and are quick to slap the player tag on guys with my philosophy. While there is a lot more fun and new things to discover and explore while dating different people, it is really much more of a walk don't run approach to making choices wisely without a risky rush to judgment.

It is not like going to Wal-Mart to buy a new coffee maker where you have to choose one in a hurry. But people often take the same approach and repeatedly have to go through it all over and over again. Insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results.


Jul 18 @ 11:09AM  
I married every man I ever DATED... I was more into flings and those were just one at a time...

Jul 18 @ 11:18AM  
Yes I did it when I was younger, and thought wow talk about busy. Then quit well I did it again a few years ago much better and easier to do. BUT the he's got to remember NEVER show up uninvited

Jul 18 @ 11:49AM  
I have "dated" more than one person at a time. But each knew there was someone else and they were free to date others also.
When I was 16 I was, very briefly, dating 3 guys at the same time. Two had the same when I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered to me with just a first name, I wasn't sure what to do for a bit.
I did figure out which one sent them and was able to thank him.

I discovered that even though each guy was a great guy, I didn't like dating all of them at the same time. So that ended.

Would I do it now? No, I am quite happy with the one man in my life. I can't even imagine wanting to ever be with anyone else.

Good blog, Kat....kudos.

Jul 18 @ 12:41PM  
Yes I did, as long as I was not having sex with any of them. I dated a lot of musicians who were on the road quite a bit and I am quite sure that they were not sitting in their rooms just thinking about me while they were out on tour. LOL None of these were serious relationships. When they were in town, we went to dinner, out to clubs and different events together. When one of them got to a point where I was "the girlfriend or old lady or the other half: I only dated one person.

Jul 18 @ 12:44PM  
I'm polyamorous.. nuff said?

Jul 18 @ 2:01PM  
I met someone last night....

I have dated several guys at the same time, but it really doesn't matter now...that ws then and has been along long time before I met anyone I wanted to go out with...

he is a Fed Ex pilot, ex military...and I mean serious military...and has nice lips...

good thing he like the shortest of hair...cause I got it all cut off right before we ran into each other...and I mean ALL CUT head is almost nakid!!!!

yeh..he kissed me and yeh...he kissed me.


Jul 18 @ 3:02PM  
Ahhh, to have the energy......
To date ONE at a time..... , I'd be happy.
Say what you will, it takes lots of energy to even keep up with one woman.

Jul 18 @ 4:36PM  
No, I've never been lucky to even get one to date me. Hush, hush- its true!

Anyway, just asking and not implying I'm into it, but: why does it seem people who are poly get more flack that those who date more than one person, but choose to not be open about it?

(not implying anyone here is dishonest, but why is one more of an acceptable option than the other when theyre basically the same thing?)

Jul 18 @ 4:52PM  
Dated, no. Fucked, yes.

Jul 18 @ 5:07PM  
I'm with the Skwirl-girl. We need more love in the world.

Jul 18 @ 5:33PM  
I'm polyamorous.. nuff said?

I'm with the Skwirl-girl. We need more love in the world.

It occurred to me that I may not have been very clear on a particular point in my blog. I feel that as long as both people know the other person is dating other people...then by all means...more power to you. I just found that when I got to know someone I was dating...feelings start developing...and it all became way too tough for me emotionally. That's just how I roll.

If you're are into dating more than one person at a time...that is totally cool. In fact...I'm a bit in awe of you...because I just couldn't do it when things started to get serious.

Jul 18 @ 6:45PM  
I did once back in high school. Since then, no, I haven't.

Jul 18 @ 6:57PM  
I have dated several men at once...the trick is to make sure all know they are not the one and only. I used to date multiple guys just for the different things they did. Everything from clubbin, camping, shopping, travel... a different guy for each interest

Now that I am getting close to cougar age I have slowed down a bit

Besides one crazy case of ADHD keeps me pretty busy and is about all I can handle

Jul 18 @ 7:15PM  
Everything from clubbin, camping, shopping, travel... a different guy for each interest

I am with you on that! When I want to do something, I want it to be with somebody interested in doing it in and of itself, not just because it is something I want to do.

I like versatility. If all a person likes to do is watch TV, videos, go to the movies, go out to dinner and read, our prospects for a relationship are pretty slim.

Jul 18 @ 7:41PM  
I actually didn't misunderstand at all. It's not an easy question because there are so many different definitions of the word "relationship".

All I can say is that I have always been completely honest with everyone I've dated, even if the reverse wasn't true, and I've been lucky enough to date several bi women.

Then again it seems like most "straight" women are like spaghetti. They are only straight until you get them wet. Or maybe that's just the effect I've had. Who knows? If you do I'd sure like the advice!

Jul 18 @ 7:46PM  
most "straight" women are like spaghetti. They are only straight until you get them wet.

I have known many that would get real randy and be up for anything after a couple of bottles of wine, but suggest it to them when they are straight and they would get pissed.


Jul 19 @ 8:46PM  
So Pervia…Would you date two people at the same time?
I can't. I'm not wired that way. When I go out with a woman I'm usually just focused on that person and no one else.

I do remember being involved with two women at the same time when I was much younger, but I was only interested in one of them and had the other (my ex) as a friend at the time. Ran into some problems after calling the one I was interested in from the other's house.

Jul 22 @ 11:14PM  
Thanks for your time...and for all the great comments.

Sep 7 @ 11:00AM  
Personally, I've never dated more than one person at a time, but it's not like I'm itching to give that a try... not after watching my friend do that... repeatedly... and just about get his ass kicked into oblivion... repeatedly... I'm sure we've all heard the timeless gem "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". Well, whoever was the first person to say that wasn't kidding.

Sep 7 @ 7:59PM  
That seems to be the theme of my life lately. I keep running into guys 2 by 2... I almost feel like I am on Noah's Ark or something,, Oh.,.. that doesn;t apply to 2 of the same sex, does it.. oh well never mind...Still I had a great time in Colorado earlier this summer...mmmmm..

I am with Skwirl and Dom (B9CC1D) on the poly question and the poly attitude.There is plenty of love in me to go around, and this world really does need more love. I am up front with everyone, and some how it seems to work...LOL

Not all relationships are alike, nor should they be. I no longer feel like I have to live in a multiple choice world with (a) (b) or (c).. I can choose (d) All of the above... wheee!

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Would You Date Two People At The Same Time?