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Interview With a Porn Star

posted 1/8/2007 1:10:20 AM |
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  DickSlippery

I had just finished sticking my tongue up some hooker’s ass and wuz headed home. I passed our local adult entertainment venue and couldn’t help but notice written there on the marquee: PORNSTAR TWINNY TOWERS ONE NIGHT ONLY JAN SEVENTH EIGHT PM AND ELEVEN. Holy shit! The Twinny Towers! A chance 2 go see those magnificent mammaries myself! Plus…I figured maybe I could score an interview with the porno legend 4 my blog. It wuz worth a try anyway, so I checked my watch and saw I had plenty of time 2 do what I had 2 do.

I shot down the street and stopped at the habib liquor store I knew wuz maybe a half mile away. Here in Sacramento County they aren’t allowed 2 serve liquor in all-nude clubs, so I picked up a half pint of Jack, another pack of smokes and two lottery tickets. Grand total…thirty-six bucks. Then I climbed back N2 the car headed back 2 see if I could hustle my way N2 meeting a legend. I took two shots in the parking lot and headed 4 the door.

The guy they had posted in the doorway wuz so big and black he reminded me of…oh, I don’t know… nighttime or something. He frisked me at the door (I still don’t really understand why) and found the half-pint which he confiscated, along with the opened pack of smokes and one of the lottery tickets (probably the winner, knowing my luck since the one he left with me wuzn’t). Then he barked, “Two drink minimum, U aren’t allowed 2 sit there sucking on ice either, motherfucker. Don’t 4get these are ladies either. It would please me 2 no motherfucking end 2 drag Ur dumb ass out of here and send U along Ur way 2 the motherfucking E mercency room (he said emergency that way…like it wuz two words), but unfortunately they pay me not 2. The only motherfucker here that can change that is U. Have a nice day.” And just like that I wuz in!

I sat at a table close 2, but not directly in front of the main stage. A scantily clad waitress came and took my order…a large cranberry juice with no ice. She returned right away with a five ounce glass, crammed full of ice and filled with grapefruit juice. The yellow kind…not the pink shit U can actually drink. “That’ll be eight-fifty.” I gave her a twenty. She gave me eleven ones and two quarters. “Don’t 4get 2 tip the dancers, lover boy.” she said as she walked away shaking her head.

Finally (after two warm-up dancers and four cranberry that tastes remarkably like grapefruit juices later), the diva emerged on2 the stage. The huge, 48FFF breasts protruding from atop her small, five foot one frame looked artificial…but not in a bad way. Her eyes were glassy…like two fishbowls, and her age wuz beginning 2 show a bit. As I watched her writhe there B4 me onstage, slowly peeling off pieces of her pleather outfit, I couldn’t help but be reminded of an elephant seal trying 2 free itself from a cocoon made of saran wrap. But it wuz her…right there in front of me…in the flesh. The actual Twinny Towers…wow!

After the show I decided 2 make my move. The waitress came back around. I pulled out a twenty dollar bill, slipped it N2 her bra with a snap and said 2 her, “I’d like 2 interview Ms. Towers 4 AMD, if that’s at all possible.” She nodded, placed my drink on the table, took another twenty, left eleven fifty in change and walked away as the next dancer 2 the stage 2 with thundering blast of AC/DC. I never saw her or my twenty again. But, as luck would have it, Twinny herself wuz emerging from the backstage area, and making her way through the crowd directly 2wards me! I decided I wanted this interview more than anything else in the world! Not 4 me…but 4 B and wtxman and hell…even Straddle! It wuz those guys I wuz thinking of… the entire time I wuz in this titty bar! I wuz working, damnit! And 2 prove it…here’s the interview in it’s entirety!

DS: Ms. Towers! Ms. Towers!
TT: Yeah, sweetie?
DS: May I interview U 4 AMD My name is DickSlippery!
TT: What’s that? I can’t hear U! The music…
DS: Thank U! Is it true that shortly after nine eleven a middle eastern man tried 2 fly a model airplane N2 Ur left breast?
TT: So did U want a lap dance or what, sweetie?
DS: I thought we were doing an interview?
TT: Charlie says a guy don’t want no lap dance I shouldn’t spend no more than twenty seconds with him B4 I move on.
DS: Who’s Charlie?
TT: My manager. There he is! Hi, Charlie!
She points 2 a big, bald white guy who is looking at his watch and waves. He does not wave back.
DS: Well, how much is a lap dance?
TT: Three hundred dollars. Five hundred 4 a happy ending.
DS: And that concludes our interview with porn star Twinny Towers…a true legend. Thank U so very much!


After that I finished my juice and high-tailed it out of there. I wanted 2 get home and write this interview while it wuz still fresh in my mind, since the big, black guy also kept my digital voice recorder. So, here U go ladies and gentlemen. I hope U appreciate what I went through 2 get it.

No Strippers were harmed during the writing of this blog.


DS









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Comments:

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bentan

Jan 8 @ 1:23AM  
lol ... good effort!
Daized688

Jan 8 @ 1:46AM  


wtxman

Jan 8 @ 5:35AM  
thank u 4 interview. remember u will have 2 explain the 48FFF to Straddle. U should of knocked nightime in 2 yesterday an gotten Twinny 4 my cellar
ponme

Jan 8 @ 7:34AM  
Hey, DS... is Little Joe Ortega's still in business? I worked there for a while.. once upon a blue moon ago. It was out by Sacto's municipal airport.

Right.. that has nothin to do with your interview.
DiscreetDreams

Jan 8 @ 8:25AM  
I love when it's referred to as a happy ending. So....you need to borrow $500?
veeruinus

Jan 8 @ 10:40AM  
LOL!
SensualSurfer

Jan 8 @ 11:09AM  


I wouldn't burn $300.00 on a lap dance or $500.00 with or witout a "Happy Ending"
either. You cut your losses and booked at the right tme.
manstblame49

Jan 8 @ 1:19PM  
You know Dick, that just goes to prove that you can't get something for nothing and also it just may not be worth it in the long run!!!! good job dude lot of knowledge in the tale.
Cum2dayIsay

Jan 8 @ 1:39PM  


SO.............You "DID" suck the ice-cubes against big -n- black's "advice".....
(kudos for your "hard" work, or whatever it was you were doing!)





DickSlippery

Jan 8 @ 7:19PM  
Hey ponme...

U don't mean Little Joe's over on Del Paso Blvd, do U? I used 2 fuck with the hookers across the street from that place when I wuz like twelve years old. I remember thier pimps would chase us up Del Paso threatening 2 kill us!!!!!!! Ahhh...good times.

BTW...it's Sacramento International Airport now. (I think we have one flight 2 Zbanjiang or something.) Looks like we're moving up in the world!

DS
StraddleMyNose

Jan 9 @ 9:22AM  
Okay, I still have no idea what a 48FFF would look like on a woman since I'm not into breasts. And like Wtxman, I feel honored to be mentioned in your blog.
Looking4ever

Jan 9 @ 9:45AM  
Dayum, DS! The sacrifices you were willing to make! A man among men...or, is it a perv among the perverted? Something like that anyway.

Whose bright freaking idea was it to build the airport by the river in a town that is plagued by tulle fog in the winter?!?!?!

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Interview With a Porn Star