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In Praise of Older Women

posted 6/7/2010 10:15:02 AM |
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  RevDocLove


# An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think.
# An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.
# An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of herbal tea.
# The older a woman gets, the stronger her libido gets and the older a man gets, the weaker his libido gets ... which is why nature intended young guys to go out with older women and young women to go out with older men.
# An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
# Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible shoes.
# An older woman is into free sex! An older woman is almost always already attached to someone, so there's no need to develop a phobia about committing to her. The last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent man.
# Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her.
# An older woman will never get pregnant and then suddenly demand that the two of you get married. In fact, if you impregnate an older woman, you will probably be the last to know...
# Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can't help you when your teeth get knocked out playing hockey.
# An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's using you.
# Older women take charge of the situation. An older woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever, by the phone, for you to call...
# Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut take out.
# An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in case you get any ideas...
# Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know.
# Older women often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don't wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a striptease.
# Older women know what Kegel exercises are.
# An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody that they might possibly boff later.
# Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park.
# Older women are experienced. They understand that sometimes, after 12 beers, a boy just can't get it up. A younger woman may need some time to grasp this fact.
# An older woman has lots of girlfriends ... and most of them will want to screw you too.
# An older woman will always meet the minimum height requirement to go on an amusement ride.
# An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen them first.

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Comments:

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ma47

Jun 7 @ 12:32PM  
There you Go....the adventure start's at 60..
theSkwirl

Jun 7 @ 1:32PM  
So, what qualifies as an 'older woman'?
RJ53

Jun 7 @ 2:37PM  
Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you're acting like one.

Then I was born old Good ones.
B9CC1D

Jun 7 @ 3:28PM  
MY DEAR FRIEND:-

It is the Man and Woman united that makes the complete Being. Separate she wants his force of Body and Strength of Reason; he her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are most likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissors.

If you get a prudent, healthy wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking that Commerce with the Sex is inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice that in your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. This you call a Paradox, and demand my reasons. They are these:

1. Because they have more Knowledge of the world, and their Minds are better stored with Observations; their conversation is more improving, and more lastingly agreeable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Man, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a thousand Services, small and great, and are the most tender and useful of Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an Old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly produced may be attended with much inconvenience.

4. Because through more Experience they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your reputation; and regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be inclined to excuse an old Woman, who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his manners by her good Councils, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part. The Face first grows lank and Wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old one from a young one. And as in the Dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of Corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal and frequently superior; every Knack being by Practice capable by improvement.

6. Because the sin is less. The Debauching of a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend making an old Woman happy.

8. 8th & lastly. They are so grateful!!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry immediately; being sincerely

Your Affectionate Friend,

Benj. Franklin, 1745
Blueyesprkln

Jun 7 @ 4:07PM  
LOL Makes me glad I'm now an ol' lady.
sarafinablu

Jun 7 @ 5:32PM  
It's ALL trueand thanks for the PR job!!
tassie1

Jun 7 @ 6:17PM  
hmmm. interesting research, kinda explains why my missus is older than me then huh
JsGirl69

Jun 7 @ 8:57PM  
Because through more Experience they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion..
Love it....Now whats the age bracket on "Older Women"?
StraddleMyNose

Jun 8 @ 2:51AM  
These are pretty funny lol
sugarnspice005

Jun 8 @ 7:58AM  
So, what qualifies as an 'older woman'?

Yeah...what does qualify as an "older woman"?

btw..it was still funny.

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In Praise of Older Women