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I want a divorce!!

posted 5/7/2010 9:10:04 AM |
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  el_gato

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.... I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon and Volvo (now owed by the Chinese) you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.


Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you Answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

P. S. S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

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Comments:

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max49

May 7 @ 1:46PM  
Very well put.
RevDocLove

May 7 @ 4:48PM  
That letter is over a year old

American patriot? Mr. Wall sounds like neither. He comes off like a spoiled trust fund brat to me. After 8 ruinous years of the worst presidency ever, he can't take 30 days of a bipartisan administration? One item he didn't mention in the divorce agreement is the Constitution. Figures - neocons like him don't have much need for it. Maybe he should read it before he runs off.

I find this very confusing. I thought taxes paid for the military, police, firefighters? And the Judeo Christian values part. I keep hearing complaints about the "Jewish liberal media" and statistically Jews vote against their own self interests in favor of social justice, so I figured he meant, "Christian values" but then I remembered a quote:
"Jesus answered, 'If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'"
-Matthew 19:21
Finding doctors won't be hard for the "other" side. I know of many who quit from having to deal with loads of paperwork from corporate insurance companies who pay next to nothing. Doctors support the new health plan.
I hope, "Homeboys" doesn't mean what I think it does.
Last comment: I'll bet they'll keep the gate open just enough for the "illegal aliens" to get through for day-work. Just a hunch.
Where did this guy go to school again?

SpunkyRed

May 7 @ 6:39PM  
StraddleMyNose

May 7 @ 9:53PM  
I usually agree with your politics, but it would be nice to see other different blog topics coming from you, rather than you being a one trick pony kind of blogger.
Wordsofwit

May 7 @ 10:17PM  
I usually agree with your politics, but it would be nice to see other different blog topics coming from you, rather than you being a one trick pony kind of blogger.

Yes, especially when the posts are usually from unreliable discredited sources all of the time.

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I want a divorce!!