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The In-laws

posted 4/29/2010 1:18:45 PM |
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I am hoping that this theme is not too much of an overplayed rerun. How much of a factor are a person's family in deciding on a relationship's potential?

In the case of my late stepmother, her family was an asset for my dad as everyone was wonderful, stable mentally and financially, and great to be around. Her family was definitely value added.

My daughter's in-laws are the opposite. My son in-law is a good guy but his family is like the Beverly Hillbillies and none of these people are nice, stable mentally or financially, or trustworthy. Add to that, that all live very close by and even residing on the same planet would be too close.

Then (and, yes, I admit that this rerun) there is the element of loser, high maintenance, offspring.

Now granted, if the family was in Florida and you resided in Washington state, this would be a non-factor. So if the in-laws were nearby, how big of factor would they potentially represent in threatening a possible LTR?

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Apr 29 @ 1:42PM  
It all depends. If the guy was a mama's boy who wanted to run home every time we had a disagreement then it might be a factor. At my age though, unless the s/o was a lot younger I doubt the in-law factor would be a factor very long. Loser brothers and sisters or even offspring might be a different matter but I can pretty much get along with anyone long enough to keep the peace. Just as long as they do not want to move in with us, it is all good.

Apr 29 @ 2:32PM  
So if the in-laws were nearby, how big of factor would they potentially represent in threatening a possible LTR?

For me, a lot of that would depend on my s/o's ability respect me and his own family. Like Mick, I knew he was living with his mother and taking care of her when I met him. I never knew about his brother until a few months later. His brother was only a 2 1/2 hour drive away...but, he kept to himself, and Mick pretty much ignored him. Now, if the in laws were the nosy, interfering type, then I'd have a problem, especially if my s/o didn't have the backbone to tell them to mind their own business. Otherwise, if they were decent people, I'd be happy for the extended family.

Apr 29 @ 2:46PM  
A simple litmus for me would be the extent that the problems of the in-laws become a problem for me.

Apr 29 @ 3:56PM  
for me i think its nice if all can git along BUT i'm not ''marrying'' the family 24/7 only the woman sooo i can handle bout anyone in short stints....nope family won't be a deal breaker for me...

Apr 29 @ 3:56PM  
it wouldn't bother me.
if the other person mean't enough to me to be with in the first place it would be them I was interested in not her family,whats that old saying, you can pick your friends but not your relatives.
when you mentioned the Beverly Hillbillys I thought for a minute you'd met half my family I don't have anything to do with.

Apr 29 @ 4:30PM  
Hell when your poor white trash...........they are all a step up from me..............

Ok with my first husband I didn't realize that his family who fucking nuts would be such a big part of our lives.......hell they were our was always what his family thought ....blah blah blah...........that problem didn't come up with my other two husbands.........with the guy I am with ........his family are very nice people. and although we have no intentions of getting married.......our families are not a problem to each other.

Apr 29 @ 4:33PM  
It would depend on how my partner's relationship with said In-Laws was... if, like G, he moved 2k miles away to avoid them.. no problem. if we all lived in the same town? BIG problem.

Apr 29 @ 5:45PM  
I've had a couple of very intimate relations with sister-in-laws
Does that count??
The in-laws that I've known, for the most part, I got along great with them

Apr 29 @ 10:24PM  
How much of a factor are a person's family in deciding on a relationship's potential?

It depends on the person...and our ages. Kids are a big factor. If they're grown...they're not much of a problem. If they still live with you...well...they could pose all kinds of problems. Also, I find that a SO's parents are less of an issue now that I'm older, however; siblings and their offspring can still impact your lives a lot...especially if they live close enough.

I personally think you should leave the in-laws out of the equation when deciding if you should take your relationship to the next level...if you can...and then move far away from the in-laws if they are bothersome.

Apr 29 @ 11:04PM  
I personally don't see in-laws being a huge factor when you meet that special person.

Apr 30 @ 1:29PM  
A simple litmus for me would be the extent that the problems of the in-laws become a problem for me.
I agree with WoW on this one, yet must part of the issue revolves around your S/O... how do they handle their family, in what manner and if there is balanced treatment for your family as well?

My experience has been positive for the most part, my husband respected and defended me the few times an issue cropped up. However, I've witnessed happy couples become very unhappy over time because of family problems. There are many factors which can affect relationships and have to be approached on a case by case basis... some of which can be overcome while others become untenable.

These are factors that need to be discussed and worked out before any permanent arrangement is made... with the understanding that stuff happens and you have to be willing to do the work required to work things out. If this can't be done, it isn't going to work.

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The In-laws