Hotel AMD

Originally Titled: Hotel California
Composed By: The Eagles
Butchered by Bentan for nefarious purposes.

On a dark internet highway, bits streamin' through my DSL
Rancid smell of phish n' spam, rising up through AOL
Up there on Google, I spied an enticing link
My 'nads grew urgent as my wits grew dim
I had to pull over for some kink
There she stood in the doorway
I heard horndogs running pell-mell
And I was thinking to myself,
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then she offered me some fool's gold and she showed me how to pay
There were voices down in the chat room,
I thought I heard them say ...

Welcome to the Hotel Adultmatchdoctor
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face
Plenty of profiles at the Hotel Adultmatchdoctor
Any kind of sex, can be had for free

Her mind is a hollow grave, she's got a gaudy painted face
She's got a lot of ass-kissin' boys, eyes smeared over with glaze
How they dance in the blogs and forums, sweet verbal play.
Some dance to get pissed on, some dance to roll in her hay

So I called up Da Bear,
Please bring me my mail
He said, "We haven't had that server up since the Titanic set sail"
And still those Sirens beckon from your backwater drain,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear their sultry refrain ...

Welcome to the Hotel Adultmatchdoctor
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face
They're livin' it up at the Hotel Adultmatchdoctor
Loads of sex-crazed nymphs, bring your credit card

Adult theater on the blogs,
Emerald kudos at their feet
And she said "We are all just prisoners here, of our own conceit"
And in the bulletins backstage,
They switch their guns to rock-and-roll
They impale it with their bayonets,
But they just can't kill the troll

Last thing I remember, I was
Reaching for the back-button
I had to find the passage out
To the page I was first on
"Relax," said the Beach Ball,
We are programmed to receive.
You can cancel any time you like,
but you can never leave!