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I'd do anything for love...but I WON'T do THAT!!!!

posted 4/21/2010 12:47:11 PM |
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tagged: relationships

I'm sure we've all made some serious mistakes in the name of love. My first wife was a control freak and extremely jealous. right before we were married, she demanded that I break off communication with one of my best friends just because she was female. I reluctantly complied. The marriage just lasted a couple of years and I regretted my decision for years afterward. Luckily, my friend eventually forgave me.

I will never again turn my back on a friend for a potential mate, no matter how strong my feelings are for that person. I learned a hard lesson that I will never forget!

Another thing I refuse to do is compromise my spiritual beliefs or try to change who or what I am. No relationship is worth that kind of heartache.

So what would you refuse to do for your mate?

How strictly would you adhere to that conviction?

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Apr 21 @ 1:03PM  
This is a really eye opening topic. It is funny (not in a ha ha way, but a strange way) what you find out about a person when you say no to something they have asked of you. It is also funny what you learn about them and yourself when you say yes and don't stick to your convictions. Some people would do almost anything to keep the one they love. It isn't always woman that change for men, but men will do it too. My husband at the time created tension between us because he wasn't able to let me have the friends I had. It ended up being one of the reasons we divorced. Sadly we search for a loved one only to find one that wants to change us. Is that because they are not secure within themselves?
I know from past experiences I won't do anything for love. I will be me and I will compromise and I will give, but I won't do just anything and I won't expect more from them thn I will give. Kudos to you for a interesting topic!

Apr 21 @ 1:14PM  
I will not change who I am, what you see is what you get an old hippie who is more than a little bit of a tree hugger type. I will not change my beliefs but neither should I expect someone to change theirs. If someone ask you to change who you are unless it is destructive behavior because they love you then it was not you they loved but an idea in their head that did not exist. I also will not give up friends unless someone saw they were a destructive force in my life. The old hanging out with the wrong crowd kind of thing. I like who I am and if someone else does not then they are not the right person for me.

Apr 21 @ 1:46PM  
I refuse to get married!

Apr 21 @ 1:48PM  
I am who I am. I will not drop friends, change personal beliefs, and I will not expect anyone I may be interested in to change either. It took a few years to learn this but, there is no such thing as the perfect mate.

Apr 21 @ 3:34PM  
Anyone who would expect me to change my friends, my lifestyle, my religion or anything that fundamental to who I am.. is not in love with me. If they aren't in love with ME.. then why would I want to be with them?

Apr 21 @ 4:09PM  
It is best to set up ground rules early on if there is LTR potential. We all are products of our past. We must accommodate the ghosts of the other to an extent in deference.

It gets a bit tricky when measuring how a person's track record is regarding trust when measured against the other's history of betrayal.

I have many ongoing close, sister by choice relationships that span decades. I am not going to lie and say something didn't happen a time or two in the seventies. But our friendship has long since transitioned that elemental phase. From the get go, these relationships are not negotiable and neither is my friendship with my ex.

I have had many relationships that were very treasured and close that encompassed many years. We dated, were boyfriend/girlfriend, close friends, fuck buddies, and all points in between as the winds of change blew through our individual lives. But we adapted and grew stronger in our value through all of these roles.

We both knew that the time would come to where one would meet a potential SO and in the rules of engagement, be sacrificed to the gods. We also knew with understanding that if the potential LTR did not come fruition, that the other would understand and be there. Often this did happen and we were stronger in our friendship. But eventually, many found the a happily ever after and our time had come to pass.

Yes I miss them, but I understand. At least one of us, got to where we wanted to ultimately go, and until that came to be, our lives were so much better and enriched for it.

Apr 21 @ 5:41PM  
We all are products of our past.

Or in spite of our past. Some learn what there is to learn out of a situation an just move on. They might look back and wonder why someone acted the way they did and thought they could get by with it but don't really think it is worth spending that much time on.

I have lost several male friends because their wives put their foot down about having any female friends. Never mind they were young enough to be one of my kids and I had known them for years. There are some people who just cannot handle their s/o being involved with anyone of the opposite sex at any level. They are usually very insecure. They feel out of control in their own life and compensate it by trying to control everyone around them.

One friend of mine comes to mind every time I think of this. His now wife lied and told him she was on birth control when she was not and got pregnant. Then she threatened to take his daughter and disappear if he did not marry her so he did. Then she told him all his female friends had to go and made his life hell until he told every one of them not to contact him again because his wife was upset about it. I ran into him a couple of months ago and I have never seen such a miserable person in my life. She had told his mother not to call the house anymore and not to come visit because she was not welcome there any more. His mother told her back that she was going to see her son and grandkids or take her ass to court. I asked the guy how he was doing and his answer was I wish I had never seen that bitch the first time. That goes to show if you give your control of your life to someone else they are pretty much going to run with it. I know she is an extreme case but I have seen many people male and female who were like that to some degree. If someone cannot accept you the way you are and within reason the friends you have then it is best to run not walk in the other direction.

Apr 21 @ 8:11PM  
There has got to be give and take in any relationship... but hell..I can only much!!
I'm Upfront and Honest when Starting a relationship...if they don't like that...well.. they can Keep walking!!
My religion,friends, etc will never change upon request! I don't do "Orders" Well!
My 2 cents!

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I'd do anything for love...but I WON'T do THAT!!!!