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Potential and Sex

posted 4/18/2010 10:24:38 AM |
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  Wordsofwit

RJ53's blog on potential got me to thinking (a very dangerous and sometimes rare thing). I think everyone has been in the situation where we have met somebody and the other person was smitten and infatuated with us, but the feelings were not reciprocal. That leads me to pose some questions:

1. If you knew you could go to bed with them as long as you didn't let on that that you had no romantic feelings (don ask, don't say), would you and have you?

2. This one is primarily for the ladies. Relative to question number one, if a guy goes ahead knowing there is no romantic potential and not having it would nullify having sex, but keeps quiet and beds you, does it piss you off and do you find it to be inconsiderate and ill mannered (kind of a dumb question)? Has this happened before?

3. If you don't see romantic potential in someone but they do, when and how do you let this be known, or do you just not return phone calls or emails? Conversely, if somebody sees no potential but you do, how should they handle it?


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Comments:

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RevDocLove

Apr 18 @ 10:50AM  
I can only relate to the first question and the answer is...
Without a doubt
RJ53

Apr 18 @ 11:01AM  
1. If you knew you could go to bed with them as long as you didn't let on that that you had no romantic feelings (don ask, don't say), would you and have you?

No I would not and no I have not. Maybe it is just me but if I think someone is only seeing me as someone to fuck I don't do it no matter how I feel about them. I value myself more than that. Come to think of it I have never had sex outside of a relationship. That is weird I guess coming from an old hippie but that was a personal choice. The relationships did not always turn out to be good ones but there was some kind of long term thing going on at the time. I feel if only one person has feelings and hides it to have sex with the person they are only going to hurt themselves in the process and I am not into inflicting pain on myself.



2. This one is primarily for the ladies. Relative to question number one, if a guy goes ahead knowing there is no romantic potential and not having it would nullify having sex, but keeps quiet and beds you, does it piss you off and do you find it to be inconsiderate and ill mannered (kind of a dumb question)? Has this happened before?

It would not piss me off as much as make me wonder how someone could have so little consideration for other people and they would be out of my life in a heartbeat never to return. There are guys that play games like that but since I was in no hurry to jump into bed with them in the first place but wait until I figured out what their motives were it cut down on the amount of times this happened. Someone just wanting to get laid is not going to want to spend the time it takes to really get to know a person. If all I want is a orgasm I will go buy a vibrator and I do have something called self control so if it has happened it was rare and someone went a long ways just to get laid. (Don't get me wrong I think sex is the best thing since sliced bread, but I also think it is something special, not just something to do on Saturday night)


3. If you don't see romantic potential in someone but they do, when and how do you let this be known, or do you just not return phone calls or emails? Conversely, if somebody sees no potential but you do, how should they handle it?

I think honesty is the best policy Be up front with a person, never leave them wondering and have the respect for them to say what you have to say to their face in the kindest manner possible. It may be harder to do but it is the right thing to do. That goes both ways.
lunanegra

Apr 18 @ 11:17AM  
Can't answer this; no one on record has been smitten/infatuated with me...to my knowledge.
theSkwirl

Apr 18 @ 12:31PM  
Hmm.. these are tough questions.. especially when you tend to be clueless.

1. I have always made my intentions clear, up front. I've not ever led anyone on that I am aware of.. if I have.. I apologize because I feel that it is dishonest.

2. Again, no big because I've already stated my case and put it out there that I'm not interested in anything long term.

3. Honestly but as gently as possible.
1bunny629

Apr 18 @ 1:02PM  
I plead the fifth....no...HA!, but seriously. I haven't ever gotten into a situation where honesty wasn't the priority...no matter what we ended up doing for the finale!
Ewe_Wish

Apr 18 @ 2:07PM  
1. If you knew you could go to bed with them as long as you didn't let on that that you had no romantic feelings (don ask, don't say), would you and have you?
Nope and I don't do mercy sex.

2. This one is primarily for the ladies. Relative to question number one, if a guy goes ahead knowing there is no romantic potential and not having it would nullify having sex, but keeps quiet and beds you, does it piss you off and do you find it to be inconsiderate and ill mannered (kind of a dumb question)? Has this happened before?
Piss me off........you fucking right........because obviously I would have thought we had something if we were going to have sex........has it happened yes it has..........but I didn't show I was pissed or hurt........just told him Oh Thank God cause to be honest........I found sex rather boring with you and I was afraid you were interested in this going further, and I just don't think you have the potential of getting any better at sex............but I would be willing to give you some names of some very good sex books that might give you some hints..........you know just in case you meet someone that is interested in getting involved with you. Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned.

3. If you don't see romantic potential in someone but they do, when and how do you let this be known, or do you just not return phone calls or emails?
It depends if they have seemed a bit clingy or pushy........I am embarrassed to say that I just usually avoid them.........otherwise I am straight up with them and tell them although I think there is a friends potential here, I just don't see this going anywhere........

Conversely, if somebody sees no potential but you do, how should they handle it?
I want to be told straight up......or at least an email soon after we meet.........why waste time..........there is a lot of fish in the sea.........why chase something that doesn't want you.
Wordsofwit

Apr 18 @ 2:11PM  
Some people (usually women) become rapidly infatuated and hop into bed early on. They see this initial meeting erroneously as a budding romance, but they are traveling down a one way street. I have known many hopeless romantics who do this repeatedly as they are in love with being in love.
Ewe_Wish

Apr 18 @ 2:25PM  
Some people (usually women) become rapidly infatuated and hop into bed early on. They see this initial meeting erroneously as a budding romance, but they are traveling down a one way street. I have known many hopeless romantics who do this repeatedly as they are in love with being in love.
although I do agree with you partially...........I have seen many men who think getting a woman into bed is proof she does love him......and also thats the only way they know how to show love............
Wordsofwit

Apr 18 @ 2:30PM  
Okay, my take in all honesty.

1. If you knew you could go to bed with them as long as you didn't let on that that you had no romantic feelings (don ask, don't say), would you and have you?

Would I is not applicable anymore as I am pretty much retired from the dating scene. But did I? Oh, well perhaps one, ten, or a hundred times. That did not always result in hurt feelers. Several times it resulted in an FWB thing with some transitioning to friends that have lasted for years.

2. This one is primarily for the ladies. Relative to question number one, if a guy goes ahead knowing there is no romantic potential and not having it would nullify having sex, but keeps quiet and beds you, does it piss you off and do you find it to be inconsiderate and ill mannered (kind of a dumb question)? Has this happened before?

Some got really pissed, but even if I didn't bed them, I suspect that they would have been pissed at being rejected anyway. Everyone puts their best foot forward and if you have been around the block enough to wear a groove in the sidewalk like I have, you can pick up on it very quickly.

3. If you don't see romantic potential in someone but they do, when and how do you let this be known, or do you just not return phone calls or emails? Conversely, if somebody sees no potential but you do, how should they handle it?

From my end it is on a case by case basis depending on the person. If I don't make the cut, whatever is easiest for them is fine by me. If it is a dead deal, no autopsy is required for me as closure in an early on encounter.
RJ53

Apr 18 @ 3:16PM  
Some got really pissed, but even if I didn't bed them, I suspect that they would have been pissed

Maybe but some of it could be that some women do not like being used.
Dione

Apr 18 @ 3:32PM  
If you don't see romantic potential in someone but they do, when and how do you let this be known, or do you just not return phone calls or emails? Conversely, if somebody sees no potential but you do, how should they handle it?

I think honesty is the best policy Be up front with a person, never leave them wondering and have the respect for them to say what you have to say to their face in the kindest manner possible. It may be harder to do but it is the right thing to do. That goes both ways.
I wholeheartedly agree... it removes the question and troublesome thoughts/conjectures. Please tell me the truth... IF I have hurt feelings I can handle that on my own and they are free to go their way unhindered.
Wordsofwit

Apr 18 @ 3:54PM  
Maybe but some of it could be that some women do not like being used.

Much more that they resent rejection, my friend, with or without sex. If they are into you, but you aren't into them, people of either gender can get pissed.
RevDocLove

Apr 18 @ 5:16PM  
I've always found that there were just as many, if not more, women
out in this big ol' world who just wanna' fuck, as there are men..
It's just the natural order of the world..
Ain't no big thang
Dione

Apr 18 @ 8:05PM  
If they are into you, but you aren't into them, people of either gender can get pissed.
This is true in many instances, but not all of us behave so badly.
KitKat25

Apr 18 @ 8:54PM  
1. If you knew you could go to bed with them as long as you didn't let on that that you had no romantic feelings (don ask, don't say), would you and have you?

I've never done this...nor would I ever do it in the future.

2. This one is primarily for the ladies. Relative to question number one, if a guy goes ahead knowing there is no romantic potential and not having it would nullify having sex, but keeps quiet and beds you, does it piss you off and do you find it to be inconsiderate and ill mannered (kind of a dumb question)? Has this happened before?

Yes...it's VERY inconsiderate and ill manner...and a bit sleazy too. This happened once...and I kicked his arse to the curb.

3. If you don't see romantic potential in someone but they do, when and how do you let this be known, or do you just not return phone calls or emails?

I let them down as easy as I possibly can. I certainly don't ignore them, as I find this type of behavior very rude. Some of the guys this has happened with have turned out to be really great friends.

Conversely, if somebody sees no potential but you do, how should they handle it?


Be honest please! I can't stand a dishonest guy.
Wordsofwit

Apr 18 @ 11:50PM  
Be honest please! I can't stand a dishonest guy.

That is kind of a given. I mean who wants a liar? I will admit that I don't tell all of the truth in some instances. For example, I may instead just make a true statement like, "I don't see the connection or spark that I hoped to see.", leaving out the thoughts of "a few extra pounds my ass, 40 extra pounds are not a few." or some such thing.
StraddleMyNose

Apr 19 @ 12:55AM  
1. Nope, I'm not wired that way...

3. I would be very upfront with them, but I would do it gently in person.
Wordsofwit

Apr 19 @ 9:10AM  
I may instead just make a true statement like, "I don't see the connection or spark that I hoped to see.", leaving out the thoughts of "a few extra pounds my ass, 40 extra pounds are not a few." or some such thing.

The reason I chose that example is that is the area I most commonly see where women are guilty of "false advertising".

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Potential and Sex