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Seriously, what is it with women?

posted 1/2/2007 9:40:49 PM |
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  CrazyCraveman

Why is it most, not all...but most women are so...hell, can't think of the right word now...

Why is it so bad for men to pay a woman a compliment?! Why do some women always think if a man pays them a compliment, the man "wants" something in return from them? Why do they think we all some sort of hidden ulterior motive?

I mean, I have paid a lot of women on this site compliments...yet over 1/2 of them never get posted. Not only that, but even when I pay women who are complete strangers out in the real world...they give the you a look like...

"OK, what do you want?" "OK, what are you hoping to get?" "OK, what are you expecting in return?" Or what have you...

I even get this same look when I'm out and about in the bars, and I give all the women a rose. As there is this guy who hits all the local bars around my area, and he has a bucket of roses that he sells.

And everytime I see him come into a bar that I'm at, I'll do a quick count of the women in the bar...not caring or thinking if they're single or married. And I'll go up to the guy...well, actually he comes up to me soon as he walks in a sees I'm there. And I'll buy every women in the bar a single rose, and at times this can be a bit expensive!

Anyhow, I'll go up to each woman...rose's in hand, and will hand them one...smile and say this is for you, and I simply walk off. And I get that same look.

Why is it so damn hard for some women to simply accept the fact that there are still some decent men in this world. Who'll simply do something nice, without expecting anything in return, or having some hidden agenda/ulterior motive behind doing so??

I feel ALL women are beautiful in thier own way, and I enjoy paying women compliments. Or simply enjoy doing something nice, as buying them a rose...just because.

OK, I realize that I'm not a great looking guy, handsome, sexy, or a hottie... And I'm cool with that, as I have no problem facing reality and the truth. I know what I am, and what I'm not. However, unlike many people, I can also honestly say I'm happy with who I am and what I look like, and happy with myself.

And if that's not the reason, then it has to be something else. Like perhaps there are a lot more men out there who do have a hidden agenda/ulterior motive behind doing nice things for women, and giving them compliments? Or perhaps women are just naturally suspicious of men in general?

Just a heads up ladies and a FYI...Not ALL men have hidden agenda's or ulterior motives behind wanting to simply do something nice for you.

Furthermore, even if a man who's not attractive to you, and he pays you a compliment...why is it so difficult to simply say...

Thanks...

Any and all answers, comments, and posts will be appreciated. Thanks in advance to all who read this and answers, and I apologize for the very long read.

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Seriously, what is it with women?


Comments:

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StraddleMyNose

Jan 2 @ 9:50PM  
My opinion is a lot of women may see you as a player in "working it" as far as buying the roses for them and paying them compliments. You sound like a very nice guy and it's a shame that women think that of some guys. Try a newer approach such as being a little more reserved and let them come to you. Some women like the strong and silent type. Continue being curtious and respectful.
wtxman

Jan 2 @ 10:10PM  
I'm not an expert, but maybe they have been "played" way to many times and are very carefull with thier feelings.
tlc0766

Jan 2 @ 10:20PM  
ahhh caveman that sounds sweet, but I guess I might be a little taken aback if a stranger handed me a rose, but I would not automatically assume you'd have an ulterior motive, I'd just be surprised is all.
31sunshine

Jan 2 @ 10:21PM  
There are a number of reasons. I used to be very shy and self concious so when someone paid me a compliment it was hard to take. It took me growing up and becoming more mature to accept compliments for what they are. So I think in some instances that's why women don't handle them well.

Also, women have gotten played. I know it sucks for those like you who are sincere but having been in a position of being jaded due to experience it's a hard habit to break. It took me finding my soul mate, who is like you. At first I was tempted to throw him in the class with the other smooth talkers but it just took time for me to see that he was genuine.

So, bottom line though...keep being you because there will be the day your other half is the one you give the rose to, and it will be worth everything in between.
aerleo

Jan 2 @ 10:30PM  
It seems in today's sociey people have come to expect the "you pat my back and I'll pat yours" rather than just taking a compliment as it is. Many of these such compliments go unnoticed and unappreciated because of the expectations people have as to what you want in return. I have to admit, I've been guilty of this. It's chivalrous to just do something like that for a woman and in most contexts of Western "society" chivalry is obsolescent if not nearly obsolete. So good luck in your "quest" (pardon the pun) and perhaps if the right woman sees that you have to alterior motives it'll be just her lucky day for for stumbling upon a man like you and it'll be your lucky day for finding a woman who can truly appreciate a sincere compliment with no further agenda.
~A
JJN4Fun

Jan 2 @ 10:31PM  
You hand me a rose and I'm buying you a drink Well, as long as I'm not with a man - that would just be rude! But my natural assumption would not be to think you were after something, least of all if I saw you giving other women roses, as well - I'd just think you're a nice guy. Which, if I may say, you do seem to be. :)

So, whatcha drinking?
cabl_guy

Jan 2 @ 10:32PM  
Sad, but true. I think maybe you're a bit too nice. And, I see your point. You'd think it would work. I used to think that way when I was young. And, it usually didn't pay off.
I THINK it makes you come across as needy or clinging. Or, that's what a lot of women associate to a guy that does such gestures. Instead of gratitude you get, "Well, that was strange. That guy must be a perv or sumthin."
No bad on you! You're just taking the step beyond to show the gentleman that you are. But, it freaks a lotta gals out. They're lookin for the angle and thinkin you're TOO nice or too good to be real.
As a man, I'll tell you my theory. And, a lotta gals will disagree. But, I find if you show just a touch of interest and walk away, it'll serve your purpose better. Buy them a drink instead of flowers. Flowers throws up a red flag.......at least for a 1rst impression. It makes you look sensitive and immasculates you.
They'll love that after things progress. But, it's not a good opening statement. You'll get farther by just lighting their cigarette, or buying a shot or commenting on any physical feature that you think they don't like about themselves.
Such as, " My god! You have gourgeous eyes!" Or, "That dress and those legs caught my attention from across the room." Then, just walk away. Or, you can say the most just by the way you look at them and your body language.
You're tryin too hard, man. Throw a lil indifferance into the mix. Sorta, "Yep. I noticed you, but I ain't kissin your ass." You may find it helps. To each their own.
Good guys finish last. After the bad boys tried em out, they'll call you. Then, you get the baggage from the past. The gals will say differant, but they love guys with attitude...................then, they'll try to FIX you..........into the dude you are now.
Good luck, man! Try it out and see if I'm lyin to ya.
DickSlippery

Jan 2 @ 11:01PM  
The sad truth of the matter is that most men do expect something in return. Including U, I'm afraid, even if all U want is a smile. U, by Ur own admission, are not very good looking or a player type individual, so instead U use an act of kindness, such as giving a stranger a rose, as a sort of bait 2 trap them N2 reacting positively 2 U, which then validates U. If U did not expect this it would not bother U when they fail 2 give it 2 U. In fact, I doubt U would even notice.

That having been said, I commend U on the fact that U still find it worth Ur while 2 act like a gentleman. The world needs more men who think about women the way U do. Keep doing what U are doing and eventually the right woman will accept that rose, I am sure of it.

DS
Loveyoulongtime2

Jan 2 @ 11:07PM  
Trying too hard freaks women out, and not trying hard enough freaks them out. It all depends if they like you or not, you can't really do anything to make them like you. It's a woman's world, they decide if they want you or not.
zena343

Jan 2 @ 11:19PM  
I agree with sunshines first paragraph, sometimes some woman, can't take a compliment well because they are use to hearing negative things about them, so when one is given freely, they don't know how to take it.
Secondly I don't agree with you loveyoulongtime, it is not a womans world, they do not chose who they want and don't want. although I am sure on here it may seem like that, but that is just not so.

Zena
bentan

Jan 2 @ 11:50PM  
I mean, I have paid a lot of women on this site compliments...yet over 1/2 of them never get posted.

By this do you include photo comments, blog comments and shout-outs? Which category of comments get rejected most for you? I'm just curious why you are getting such a high proportion of rejected postings. My own experience here has been with mostly with blogs and I can count on one hand the total number of women who have not posted my comments. I do far fewer photo comments but virtually all of them get posted and very many of those reply with some form of thanks.

Anyhow, I'll go up to each woman...rose's in hand, and will hand them one...smile and say this is for you, and I simply walk off. And I get that same look.

I agree with what some people have said. You did something extraordinarily nice and it just fell completely out of what women generally were expecting. So the reaction in those initial couple of seconds would legitimately be a mixture of suspicion and surprise. But then consider this: probably when you walked away and it became gradually clear that you had no ulterior motives, for at least some women their suspicion/surprise changed to a "wow, nice guy" opinion, and this of course was not something you could have seen since had already walked away.

In a way I agree you have been stereotyped and sized-up and it does not always feel great to see the results. But a lot of times people are forced to evaluate situations in a very short time or with very little specific information, so the next best info to use is their prior experience or conventional wisdom. But the great thing here at AMD is that every nice action you take will accrue and not go unnoticed. And I think this well-written blog is a great start as well to showcasing yourself as a genuine good guy. So don't be discouraged.
Argit01

Jan 3 @ 12:55AM  
I've never had this trouble but then again having a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp may help here as women can't believe I would have the audacity to pay them compliments!
weasell_l

Jan 3 @ 3:05AM  
Be yourself is about all I could say,,,trying to hard,,but it did make me think,,when I hit the bar the last thing I want is to pick up something,,,I do my own thing and minimum walk out with numbers and offers...makes me think maybe women are intrigued in some way by men who dont care...and are a hard target?? Just a thought..
ponme

Jan 3 @ 12:53PM  
Are you kidding? Women actually give you grief about being nice? No wonder they kicked me out of their club..

MrFalcon

Jan 3 @ 3:25PM  
I think your problem comes from the old saying: "Good girls are attracted to bad guys and bad girls are attracted to good guys". So, maybe you need to stop with the roses bit and just give her a "bad guy smile" or a "good guy smile", depending on which one you really are. Once you have her attention, you will know whether or not it is ok to ask her if she wants to fuck.

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Seriously, what is it with women?