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why whiskers

posted 3/28/2010 1:55:17 AM |
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  sawduster

n years past my brother actually had a sense of humor. He could come up with some very funny material. I ran across this on another site he had posted it on and thought you might get a chuckle or two out of it.

WHY WHISKERS ?
By Don Roland
One day while idly riding the backtrails of mental musing I traversed a sharp bend in the trail and came face to face with an amazing and very profound question which has probably never been asked by anyone with an IQ above the number of holes in their socks. This question, so far unanswered, is very profound and may have some highly significant socio-economic significance. The question has been totally overlooked because it is so flagrantly obvious. Any possible answer has escaped me entirely, so I put the question in question up for grabs. If nobody can come up with a suitable answer in the near future, I'll just have to make one up to fit the occasion. Of course that action will undoubtedly put me down in the same league as lawers and politicians, but sometimes you've got to take a step backwards in order to proceed. So, let us proceed.
The burning, yearning for solution question is; "Why are the hairs growing upon a mans face called 'whiskers' ?
Think about that for a minute or two. Hair growing on the arms (and under them), on the head, chest and legs is all referred to as simply hair. Now, with all that simplicity, why mess things up and change the scheme by calling facial hair 'whiskers' ? It doesn't make sense. After all, they don't actually 'whisk' anything. During the normal course of events that is. The profession of 'whisking' is usually left up to the experienced professionals such as 'whiskbrooms" and the like.
Now, can you just imagine a man briskly crawling around in the floorboard of his pickup while vigorously sweeping up the accumulation of mud, manure and stray hay, with his 'whiskers' ? Ridiculous. How about the sideburns ? Totally ludicrous. Or maybe you can envision him wielding the 16 year old neighbor kid by the ankles, doing the cleanup using the kids tender new growth ? Now that is a truly amazing picture to conjure up. Can you imagine the reaction of that kids old man when Johnny comes marching home with his face matted up like a milk cows udder in the winter ? 'Whiskers' ? I think not. It just ain't right somehow. Not only would the kids old man react violently when he found out what had been going on, but some unholy group of loudmouthed reactionaries would be running around drooling quotations from the child labor laws and shouting obscene remarks about child abuse and probably cause our hero to be given a suite in the local greystone hotel for an indeterminate length of time. Probably confined to solitary confinement on a diet of breadcrumbs and drainwater.
I can live with such terminologies as beard, mustache and sideburns, but 'Whiskers' ? I really think that's going a little too far.
What sort of insidious plot is afoot that would create such havoc with a man just because his truck needed a little cleaning ? Is it some underhanded scheme to reduce all men to the position of handwalking janitors ? Or mayhaps in the long forgotten past, some unknown manufacturer of cleaning paraphernalia devised a plot to create a new source of materials for the construction of sweeping and 'whisking' tools. There isn't much of a market for facial hair, so I must assume that if this were the case, the fool must have died before consummating his aspirations. Like I said, a suitable answer just absolutely escapes me. You got any ideas ?
Copyright - Don Roland - 1994

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Comments:

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B9CC1D

Mar 28 @ 2:52AM  
Thank you so much!

I have to say that because while this is an amusing bit of writing (and thank you for that, too) you are one of the few people on the Internet that credits what you put up.

Sorry, but I was always taught by my teachers that if you were going to put up someone else's words you took the time to show WHO'S writing you were copying. At the very least it's polite.

I can't count the number of times I see quotes, lyrics, or whole other documents copied and pasted without any regard for their original author.

Thank you for showing you're a gentleman in that regard, sir.
sawduster

Mar 28 @ 3:28AM  
i try to give credit where it is due, and this is but one of his musings. one day i will find more of them and post them as i do. this and another were up on country fried bull, and i think one or two more are there as well. that is where i ran across this one.
RevDocLove

Mar 28 @ 10:38AM  
Now that's really something to ponder
DesertSmile

Mar 28 @ 11:22AM  
I like the way your brother's mind worked and that he had the insight to place to print his mental musings.

Ok...so how many of us are Googling Whiskers.....

Thanks for thoughts that make us think.

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why whiskers