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Warning: Offensive Horoscope

posted 3/22/2010 8:55:02 PM |
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tagged: fuck, funny, sunshine
  Sunshine79

ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding

TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.

GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who'd kill them self to win a bet.

CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative's limbs to buy a
mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.

VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.

LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.

SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet.

SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in the sack.

CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centered cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.

AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.

I'm a Virgo, that basically sums me up, lol

Anybody wanna fuck?

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Comments:

post a comment!

StraddleMyNose

Mar 22 @ 9:00PM  
Those are pretty funny!
Wordsofwit

Mar 22 @ 9:15PM  
I looked at my horoscope and it revealed no sluts on the horizon.
B9CC1D

Mar 22 @ 9:26PM  
Yeah...kinda offensive. I sent you mail as to why. Ouch.
goodman1959

Mar 22 @ 9:51PM  
these are funny and somewhat offensive,,,lol I am also a Virgo.

of course
alybai42

Mar 22 @ 9:56PM  
AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.

MsHelle

Mar 22 @ 10:53PM  
Well as a Sag, it's almost accurate except I hate Sleepless in Seattle.
clickedanad2

Mar 22 @ 11:30PM  
wanna fuck???
themama

Mar 23 @ 12:01AM  
Those are really funny... But not very nice....
RJ53

Mar 23 @ 1:18AM  
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.

That is trus unless you are part Irish or Lakota....wait a minute I am both and we have long memories

Cute blog
tassie1

Mar 23 @ 4:37AM  
so what if my cell phone cost an arm and a leg, did anyone state it had to be mine.
onehornytoad69

Mar 23 @ 5:36AM  
lkb66

Mar 23 @ 8:02AM  
They are hilarious and yes I want fuck
RevDocLove

Mar 23 @ 8:26AM  
At least mine is correct for the most part..
I am a prick, but then again, I'm told that's the
best part of a man
PinkToeNails

Mar 23 @ 8:58AM  
A mean self-centered cunt

Moi??!?!?!?




sugarnspice005

Mar 23 @ 10:41AM  
LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral

Well, then I guess I'll just have to cancel the after funeral party I wanted my friends and loved ones to throw.


Good one! Leaving ya a greenie!
flavorbuster

Mar 23 @ 3:43PM  
1. depends on what was done
2. call me one if you will
3. yeah right !
4. don't give a fuck

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Warning: Offensive Horoscope