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A reflection for me

posted 3/17/2010 6:59:01 PM |
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So I am sitting here today...,.a day before my 34th birthday and I have found myself asking the question that I never thought I'd ask. Why me? Wow, I always thought that people that asked that question were self-pitying cry-babies. But not anymore apparently. You see three days ago Kim and i went to the doctors to see how some test results came out. That's about the time my world got turned upside down, Kim's too. I was seeing a specialist because i had been having problems with my stomach.... well as it turns out he diagnosed me with ZES
(Zollinger-Ellison syndrome) or gastrinoma....Cancer in my fucking stomach at 34 years old. It didn't really hit me too bad till I went to my mom's and had to tell all the people I love that I have cancer. I looked at my new little niece and that question went through my head.....I look at Kim everyday and everynight and i still say to myself why me? But i think the only reason anyone asks that question is because they are scared, I know i am. I get to look forward to multiple surgery's
differant meds chemo...But it doesn't bother me as bad as it would if I didnt have
Kim and my famiy's love. they truly helped me feel okay with this.So from now on when I ask myself why me.... I'm gonna tell myself... better me than the ones I love.....

P.S. Thanx for reading this if you did and letting get this off my chest...easier to cry in front of a computer screen,Than let them see my sorrow

Still smokin n chokin(with a heavy heart)

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Mar 17 @ 7:11PM  
Oh honey, I am so very sorry to hear that!! i will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers until you get through this. You do what you have to do, surgery, chemo, radiation and get yourself better! You have a family that loves you and a woman who obviously adores you! They will be there for you and you have friends here that will be here whenever you need someone to listen to....

I am thinking of you! You are part of this AMD family!!


Mar 17 @ 7:12PM  
someone to talk to.. sorry.... We are here for you! And Kim too!

Mar 17 @ 7:49PM  
I am so sorry to read of your diagnosis. My thoughts are with you.

Mar 17 @ 7:52PM  
One good thing that you have going for you is that you are young. Hope all goes well for you. You and Kim will both be in my thoughts and prayers. I understand being scared because of illness. Just remember that all of us are here for you.

Mar 17 @ 7:56PM  

So sorry to read about this! My thoughts and prayers will be with you, Kim, and your family.

Mar 17 @ 7:57PM  
i am a survivor...and pray that you will be too...fell free to email if ever you want to chat with someone who truly understands...may god bless you with the strength to handle whats ahead, and the courage to accept whatever is sent your way...

Mar 17 @ 8:43PM  
I'm sorry to hear that but I have faith you'll get through this in good shape! You're young and hopefully they caught it in time that treatment responses well for you!

My best wishes for your good health sir!


Mar 17 @ 9:20PM  
Thoughts and Prayers are with you and yours!!!
You have a Chance now a days!!! DON'T GIVE UP!

Mar 17 @ 11:03PM  
Hang in there
I just went through 45 days and 2700 radiation zaps and
the prognosis is looking good right now
Easier said than done, but try not to worry about it..

Mar 17 @ 11:28PM  
Face it bravely, my man. Hopes and wishes for good health your way.

Mar 19 @ 5:04PM  
Fight the good fight and you will be in our prayers.

Mar 19 @ 6:09PM  
I just read thoughts and prayers are with you and Kim!!

Mar 19 @ 9:37PM  
I am so verry sorry to hear your diagnosis.I hope that all goes well for you , and that you are very soon back to good health.I do understand , i think everyone asks " why me ", when the receive news like this.Honestly , it seems good people go through so much in life.Having the compassion, support, and love of family , friends and loved ones, is priceless.One thing that truly helps is to open up and talk about what we are facing , fear, ( anyone would be afraid, when they are diagnossed with cancer, fear is a normal reaction).Crying is also normal, it does serve a purpose, it does help, if we were not meant to cry, we wouldn't have tear glands, and ducts.Someone on'ce told me " never be afraid to cry, tears are our river of life ".Sorrow is a normal reaction also.Never give up keep fighting.Ialso understand, i think anyone who loves there family, and others would want it be themself, and not someone they love, i feel the same way.A belated happy 34th birthday to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope that you had a wonderful birthday,and that each upcoming birthday is better than the previous years.I also hope that long before your next birthday, that you are cancer free, and in good health.Be careful, and take care.May the coming days, bring good health, peace, joy, happines and all the best and most wonderful blessings of life.Thanks for posting and reading this.Peace , and bless you.Wishing you a speedy and pain free recovery.

Mar 20 @ 3:48AM  
I've lost multiple family and friends to I know the battle you face will not be an easy road to travel. I'm so glad you have family available to love and support you when you need it most. I wish the best for a very speedy recovery.

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A reflection for me