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Something new (for me)

posted 2/23/2010 8:22:24 PM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
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tagged: dating, rejection

I asked a girl out on a date earlier this week. She's a girl from one of my classes. We've had a lot of classes together over the past couple years, and she's the closest thing to a friend that I have in the philosophy department. She's smart, pretty, easy to talk to... all the usual good stuff. She turned me down, but that's not really the point of this. The point is, I hope, the way that it's effected me. It's surprisingly not as bad as I thought it would be. Certainly not as bad as I imagined it could be.

She didn't tell me that I'm a terrible person, that I'm unattractive, that I'm a loser, or anything like that. As far as I can tell, she hasn't told everyone (or anyone) that I asked her out and she turned me down. She didn't make it seem like an insane idea that a guy like me could get a girl like her. Life has pretty much just carried on as normal.

Of course I'm disappointed that things didn't go the way I hoped they would. It's always sad when things don't work out well. But as far as things not working out go, they couldn't have failed to work out in a much more positive way. And to be honest, I feel a lot better about her simply saying "no" instead of going out with me if she didn't really want to. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. It's a lot better for things to not get started than for me to end up getting hurt later on, which I have to think would happen if she's not really interested.

I feel good that I asked her out. It's not the sort of thing I normally do. I should be able to ask a girl out if I like her, so I feel good that I stepped out of my comfort zone and did it. Generally speaking, whenever I want anything, I should be able to ask for it. Whether it's a date, a spot on a soccer team, money, food, or anything else, it shouldn't hurt to ask. Now I know she's not interested, so I don't have to waste any time wondering if she feels the same way about me as I do about her. Now she knows how I feel about her, so if she changes her mind, she'll know that she can ask me.

I know that not everyone likes everyone else. There are plenty of people that I don't like. I know of several who dislike me. Even among people who I like, there are many that I have no interest in dating. I can't expect everyone I like to like me. I know from experience that you can't control who or what you like. If two people don't "like" each other, it's nobody's fault. I know that you can't control what other people like. There are some things and people that I just don't like, and it's not worth anyone's effort to try to change my mind. If some girl doesn't like me, I can't convince her to like me simply by trying harder. I can't make her like me by changing who I am. I wouldn't want to anyway. I want to be with someone who likes me for me.

I think the moral of the story is simply that things don't always work out in life. It's inevitable that things won't always go your way, so you have to make the best of whatever situation you're on. I'm not any less attractive or less desirable because one girl turned me down. I can't let someone else be responsible for my happiness, and I'm not going to. Life goes on. I have enough other shit (good and bad) going on in my life that I don't need to waste any more time focusing on this.

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Feb 23 @ 8:46PM  
I think you are handling this in a very mature way.That is nice to see in someone your age.

Feb 23 @ 8:56PM  
just because she wont' go out with you means she doesn't like you?
not true at all. maybe she's married number one. or in a relationship.
or already has too many friends to handle already. too much on her plate.
philosophy is a fun subject. its like mental masturbation. good mental
gymnastics. in the end in philosopy you go mad, going into a loop
you can never escape. philosophy of sex, love,madness, the mundane.
philosophy of time travel, science, the list is endless. logic will make you illogical
and finally you rest your case in the hands of the Almighty who is beyond
our comprehension. like thomas aquinas said, we are finite, cannot comprehend
the Infinite. as if you can make a symbol for the infinite in infinite mathematics
as a sideways figure eight. how ridiculous. i betcha she likes ya a lot.
she's afraid she would like you too much, fall in love with you, and she'd lose
her mind, and end up 'way gone'. so many fear love, the deadliest agent
on earth. god is love. and god is deadly. song comes to mind, love has
taken its toll. i'll never fall in love again, another song. so many songs, after
songs of unrequited love. love gone bad. bad romance by lady gaga.
new hit song by her. i'd rather just listen to the raunchy romeos of romance.
you go ahead, i've had my 39 bad romances. dances, prances, frances.
carry on students. i have no advice. i lost it all too. even heaven. now its
off to dante's inferno. now there's a good book to memorize. sorry to go on
and on and on and on. may i sleep tonight and hopefully never wake up,
least of all, wake up in hell. some do, they wake up right in hell. in fiery
flames. poor souls. the firemen could not put out the fires of hell in time.
holy mary, mother of god, save us from the fires of hell. amen. its lent. superstitioin if fine with me. some wear the brown scapular of our lady
of carmel. it will save you from hell. some wear it even in the shower.
i don't care what you say. i lost mine, and i've to get a new one.soon.
superstition??? don't step on a crack in the sidewalk, walk under a ladder.
cross yourself should a black cat cross your path. a book of superstitions
is useful.

Feb 23 @ 9:35PM  
Here's why I know she's not interested in me. For one, she isn't married or dating anyone else. I know this because we've talked before, and we do actually know each other. She's not just some stranger. So how do I know she's not interested in me? I applied what is called the "Pitt Principle". Would she have given the same response to Brad Pitt as she gave me? No. That means she's not interested... at least not to a certain degree.

She told me that she recently got out of another relationship (which I know be true) and she had this kind of "on again off again" thing with some other guy that she complains about a lot. Both of those are true, and may have been contributing factors in her decision, but the fact of the matter is that if she were really interested in me, neither of those would be enough to stop her from going out on a date with me. They certainly wouldn't be an excuse not to g out on a date with Brad Pitt.

Feb 23 @ 9:51PM  
Rejection sucks for sure, but it seems like ur going about it the right way and hopping back on the horse. Give yourself credit for balling up and actually asking her out in the first place. So many guys don't even have the courage to get to that point.

I had something similar happen to me back in college. I asked out a girl that was a good friend of mine, and she said yes. But I found out later that night from one of my buddies that she felt put on the spot when she said yes to the date and that she only wanted to be friends. It really sucked, but atleast I had no regrets. Don't let this experience stop u from asking out other girls in the future. There are many fish in the sea.

Feb 24 @ 2:03PM  
How surprising.........a woman that didnt blab to everyone that you asked her out and how she told you no (more fiction that fact usually) and a man who took the no and didn't go around calling her names and saying she is a lesbian cause she wouldn't go out with you.............glad to know there are at least two mature adults in the world.......

I took a writing class one time and the professor said that you will get 99 refusals before you will get one acceptance............I apply that to most of my life.........if I hear a just makes me work on what or how I did things wrong, accept the stuff I can't change, and go on and wait patiently for the yes........and it will come.

Good blog.

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Something new (for me)