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Pazazzzz in the bedroom

posted 2/21/2010 2:08:14 PM |
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This is prompted by an email I received earlier today from an old friend.

I met this gentleman about 4 years ago and if I had to build my perfect man, he would have been it. He is tall with a strong body, ruggedly handsome, bald (yes,…I know I adore bald men), dashing, charming, funny, romantic, smart and intelligent. He was a busy professional raising 2 sons alone and had no place in his life for a committed relationship but wanted a great friendship so on that note we seemed a perfect match.

On our initial dates he expressed the appropriate amount of PDA's and sitting across from the dinner table I had all I could do to not jump across and smother him; yes he was all and more than I could have hoped for. We enjoyed ourselves and had fun on our dates.

Eventually after several dates the time was right to take this new friendship to the next level of romance. Have you ever had something fizzle right before your eyes? Here was a man that I liked so much, discovered was exceptionally "equipped" and boom…..nothing…no physical/intimate chemistry at all……nothing…nadda. There was no Paazazzzzz!!!

I admit I am a woman that will feed off of her partner…show me you are enjoying me and I will go all out. This wonderful man expressed no enjoyment, had no earthly idea around a woman's body or even attempted to explore. I was incredibly disappointed.

We continued our dates for another month or so and again found ourselves in the bedroom. This time I thought, "ok…I adore this guy and I am going to pull out all the stops". Again, no responses from him…no sounds, no muttering "oh christ"…no involuntary movements. It was just plain crazy.

After that, as luck would have it he had to leave the country on business for 6 weeks and this gave me the time to wean myself from him. Upon his return I simply said life was too busy for me at the moment.

Over the last 4 years I would receive "how ya doing" emails from time to time but this morning his email asked that I reconsider rekindling our friendship.

I know I have to tell him that for me the intimacy factor was simply not there but I wonder how do others handle such a touchy subject and not emasculate the man in the process.

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Feb 21 @ 2:22PM  
I think honesty is the best policy. While you value his friendship, it is just not there when it comes to sex. Otherwise you would just be wasting both of your time.

Feb 21 @ 2:55PM  
It just goes to show that a pretty picture can hang on the wall forever, but that's all it can do. I guess I would tell him the truth. Maybe something is wrong with him. I am sure you wouldn't want to waste your time thinking you could change him. Best wishes.

Feb 21 @ 3:06PM  
And most men expect us not to be dead fish in the bedroom,lol

This is totally the inverse of "lousy guy, but great in the sack" situation, and it begs the question, how do you tell a great guy that he sucks in bed?

If this were me, I'd tell the guy honestly, but with as much tact as possible.

Feb 21 @ 3:24PM  

In other words, not everything you wanted.

Feb 21 @ 3:28PM  
Well I will continue to follow the comments here because I'd like to know the answer to this too.

To make a long story short've heard me speak of my 'airhead' friend? Well it's kinda like that...sorta. I've never had a man better at oral than he is but since penetration is the most important to me, his ability in that area is pathetic. He has trouble getting it up/keeping it up and ain't got much to get up in the first place.

I've tried to just overlook his shortcomings (no pun intended) for 2 yrs. but I can't anymore. I've told him I don't want to see him....for other reasons...but I have a feeling he isn't gonna let it go at that. He's a nice on earth can I tell him he just doesn't cut it in the bedroom?

So....ya'll tell Desert what to do and then I'll know too.

Feb 21 @ 4:38PM  
When you have a friendship like the one you have, I'm sure that if it's a real friendship and you tell him what you need to, he should understand. The way you word it and your tone of voice is what is going to be important.

If you would like it to keep going and maybe want to try another route, you can always ask him to start doing different things to you. I had a relationship like this where I thought the sex was a little boring so I took my guy out and we bought different lubes and I surprised him with a toy. I have also straight up told my boyfriend that him not making noises when we have sex, annoys the hell out of me and since then he has become a little more vocal in the room.

If you're too afraid to tell a guy about something that pertains to the bedroom and how you can both please each other better, then there wouldn't ever be a good relationship there because you can obviously tell there will be communication issues.

My vote? Take him out, tell him you have a surprise for him, go to a sex shop and see what happens. Before you get down the deed you should take of his clothes an maybe teasingly say, "You gonna make some noise for me this time?" Generally, they get the hint.

Feb 21 @ 5:02PM  
He is a truly fine man so I do need to find a way to tell him. But in all seriousness could he even change at age 53 to be a different type of lover? I don't know so my quandry is whether to say anything at all to him.

I have no intentions of resuming the friendship so I think "dishing" him, no matter how nicely I put it would be wrong.


Feb 21 @ 7:01PM  
wonder if its to late to shave my head

Feb 21 @ 7:20PM  
In other words, not everything you wanted.

Chuck, satisfying intimacy in a friendship is important to me at this stage of my life as it was 4 years ago. I might not think this way 5 years from now but for now I do.

wonder if its to late to shave my head

It's never too late, especially if I get to do the shaving.

Feb 21 @ 8:07PM  
Damn! And I'm letting my hair grow back out after several years of shaving it

Mar 13 @ 11:54PM  
*strolls in naked..carrying razor and shavig cream ...and a smile *

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Pazazzzz in the bedroom