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a little harder.

posted 2/19/2010 10:48:22 PM |
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  grindel1

I hear all the time that communication is one of the most important factors of any relationship. Well If I messaged a girl or were having sometype of dialog and she found me not so very interesting or learned something she didn`t like, wutever. What is with the cut off of communication? I understand that okay no relationship possability, got it. But when i ask a question like. What did I say or do to cause a bad impression sometype of response would be appreciated. I`m not sure if this happens on the other side of the isle as I have never tried dating a guy. However if any females are frustrated with this or something else than post a comment. It`s just me but if you are gonna be running around stressing communication is important than stick to that. It`s a two way street. Communication is not only important when you are the benifactor. The reasoning here is that I would like to correct my self. I understand I perhaps was not what she desired. I also realise she see no future in talking to me. All of that witholding, I would like to improve myself. What can I do differently?

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Comments:

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ynot7769

Feb 19 @ 11:01PM  
good blog...be interested in seeing the comments......i too prefer something as an explaination even if its blunt....gives me new perspective so i know IF its something i want to change or if its just a bad match up ......
PinkToeNails

Feb 19 @ 11:29PM  
Post a picture.... that might help. If you're looking for someone and want there to be an attraction, go into it straight up! A picture is a start!

RJ53

Feb 20 @ 12:23AM  
To answer that I would have to know what you said to her. If you were coming on too strong that can scare people away. Did you ask her anything about her instead of just talking about yourself? People who do that tend to turn people off. Or on the other hand saying too little about yourself makes people think you have something to hide. A picture is a good start because people do like to see who they are communicating with. Or maybe she is just did not know how to tell you that she was not interested and did not want to say something that would hurt your feelings.
Wordsofwit

Feb 20 @ 12:43AM  
I noticed that as time has passed, things have changed. You don't get closure or explanations nearly as often, just what I call the roaring silence. It is easier to not say something and the point across. Sometimes it isn't a matter of doing anything wrong with somebody returning to the dating scene, but rather not coming in first, which leaves everyone else tied for last.
grindel1

Feb 20 @ 2:46AM  
thank you all for the comments. I appreciate your reading rambelings. However nothing said so far helps in my understanding. I get that no one can be very explicit on the answer to the question because each case may or may not be different. The behivior seems to not be an incidental occurance, however it seems more accross the board than anything. I`ll gladly accept that I posess broad unappeal to millions of women everyware, got it, but why will none of them explain? These thoughts lead me to conclude that there is an underlaying social root thats causes this hipocracy. This is what I seek.
whisperingcomet

Feb 20 @ 7:31AM  
There is no way to explain what happened without have a full view of your converstations, but just from personal experience, i would say that you said something that she felt uncomfortable with.

We hear everyday to be careful of people that you meet online, that you dont know who they really are, only who they present them selves to be.

so if she was afraid, the best thing to do is to stop communication.

RJ53

Feb 20 @ 10:17AM  
roaring silence

Sometimes the roaring silence says more than words ever could. There have been people I have cut communication with by just blocking them. After a few e-mails they started coming across as a bit creepy or they started taking the conversation in a direction I was not comfortable with with someone I had just met on the internet. I know people see this as a sex site, but not everyone on here wants a full description of what someone wants to do to them in the third e-mail, I mean, really, did I need to hear how they wanted to tie me up and get kinky? And they were not joking.

If someone has only stopped talking to you once then they were probably talking to more than one person before picking who they wanted to settle down to talking with just one If this is a pattern maybe you had better go back over what you have sent to these people that are scaring them away.
Dione

Feb 20 @ 5:20PM  
It would be so much easier if any of us could answer your question simply and straight forwardly, but each person you encounter will bring their own psychology to the experience. It's good to ask questions grounded in a real desire to learn how to get along with people, but in today's tech world trust does not come easily.

RJ53 has a good handle on this and offers reliable insight.

The only piece of advice I can give you is be yourself, don't try to be anyone else and don't expect other people to live up to your expectations. Learn to accept others as you do yourself... it smooths the waters and can remove the frustrations of working too hard to make a connection.

Good blog... worth a green thang.
Sunshinegal35

Feb 21 @ 5:55AM  
It's been my experience that rejection is never taken well, whether it is communicated by roaring silence as Word so eloquently put it, or whether it is communicated by a written explanation.
I always try and be polite. When I get a message from a man that I am not interested in, whether it be his age, his looks, his distance from where I am, etc., if I'm not interested, I write and say, "Thanks for the mail (smile) but I am looking for......Good luck with your search!"
It would be nice to be rejected with an explanation. As grindel says, "communication". But sometimes, rejection brings out the worst in people. I can't tell you the number of times I've politely rejected a guy on this site and have gotten THE most scathing emails back!
So perhaps some people feel that in order to avoid the rejection lambastation saying nothing is in order.
Even though I have been treated unfairly for polite rejections in the past, I still communicate why I'm not interested. Then I just hit the "block" button and this saves me from any unkindnesses on the part of the rejectee.

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a little harder.