My boyfriend lost his temper with me again tonight. I don't know how someone could flip like he does, but it happens. All it takes is one tiny little thing (and I usually don't even remember what that thing is later). He starts going off about that, then he starts bringing up things from the past, then he starts personally attacking me and my family. He just goes on and on, all while calling me a bitch. He threatens me too. Like tonight he said he wished he could punch me and shove my glasses into my eyeballs. I told him go ahead and hit me and I laugh while the cops threw his ass in jail. He said no, he didn't want to lose his job over me. Everything is always my fault... and I hardly ever lose control of my temper or any emotions.
I just don't know what to do sometimes. I feel like I have no where to go because I gave up everything to move here. I know tomorrow he will either apologize or just act like everything's fine because that's how it always goes. It's a little sad that I'm so used to him being this way that it doesn't even phase me. I used to bawl my eyes out, but now I just sit there like I'm in a trance or a bad dream. I always told myself I would never allow anyone to bring me down, and I never in my life thought I'd be one of these girls who puts up with shit. But I do, and I don't know why or where to go from here.
This has all made me feel small, lost, trapped, etc. Most of all I just get this numb feeling over me and I feel like I'm outside myself.
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
|
|
read more blogs!
|
sugarnspice005
|
Feb 7 @ 9:18PM
|
|
|
Knowing only what you have said here, he looks like an abuser. Again, only going by what you said in the blog. And, if that is the case, in all honesty, you would be better off packing up and getting away from him. Saying he wishes he could punch you is not love, and it's only a matter of time before he actually does do something. Even if it means packing up and moving back home with your parents....get away from him. Seriously, don't think your love can change him, because it can't. Speaking from experience here...leave while you can do so on your own feet.
|
|
KitKat25
|
Feb 7 @ 9:21PM
|
|
|
^^^^^^What she said.^^^^^^^
|
|
MsHelle
|
Feb 7 @ 9:50PM
|
|
|
As Sugar said get out and I'm saying get the hell out and don't look back. No one should be treated worst than an animal for a perceived infraction. Verbal and Mental lead to Physical abuse, so cut and run NOW.
|
|
RevDocLove
|
Feb 7 @ 9:58PM
|
|
Kick his sorry abusing ass to the curb and don't look back   
|
|
PinkToeNails
|
Feb 7 @ 10:07PM
|
|
|
I agree with what everyone else said... and then I'd sleep with one eye open and suggest he do the same.
|
|
lkb66
|
Feb 7 @ 10:09PM
|
|
|
Get out while you still can! He is definitely an abuser, it is only a matter of time before he will actually hit you. No lady deserves to be talked to like that, the mental and verbal abuse is as bad if not worse than physical abuse. My sister was mentally and verbally abused for years before the physical abuse started, she finally got out but it took her quite sometime to trust guys again. I wish you the best with this.
|
|
buatbu
|
Feb 7 @ 10:18PM
|
|
|
I wish I could help you but you know what you have to do. I'll pray for you.
|
|
RJ53
|
Feb 7 @ 10:22PM
|
|
|
Get out and get a restraining order and if he violates it throw his sorry ass in jail. No one should live like that. It might be hard for you to start over but go to a women's shelter if you have to, don't wait until you are a statistic on the evening news.
|
|
lunanegra
|
Feb 7 @ 10:29PM
|
|
|
You can do it- leave and never look back. Do it before it gets any worse than it already is.
|
|
Wordsofwit
|
Feb 7 @ 10:53PM
|
|
|
What ^^they^^ say. If you don't end it, then down the road you can look in the mirror and see who is to blame. It may piss some folks off, but while an abuser is a total jerk and ass, many women continue to put up with it or find another like the last one resulting in the woman being a loser due to her own decisions.
|
|
zaralyon
|
Feb 7 @ 11:09PM
|
|
What you described are two stages of abuse. If you can leave now is the time to do so. Do not let him know where you are going, just get out.
If you need to talk to someone, please call a hotline, they are there for a reason, I know in my area its called sprucerun, they can give you better information and help you figure out what to do from here.
And please don't listen to those who try to put the blame on the woman, they actually do not know what it is like.
|
|
RJ53
|
Feb 7 @ 11:21PM
|
|
|
I sent you a website of some people who can help you by private e-mail. Call and at least talk to them. They are there to help you before things get worse. I wish you the best. I have been in that situation before. I got out fast and started over with three children with no help. You can do it.
|
|
40DWM
|
Feb 7 @ 11:28PM
|
|
|
IMHO< bail out before he really hurts you. Burn the bridge and move on.
|
|
alybai42
|
Feb 7 @ 11:37PM
|
|
I have been there and believe me it only get's worse..Get out before it does get worse..Since I walked away and never looked back I swore I would never let another man do that to me again and I haven't. Now I stand my ground or just get out. It is not worth it.
Good Luck
|
|
Dione
|
Feb 7 @ 11:38PM
|
|
|
We are all on the same page with your plight. Take advantage of RJ53's information to get the help you need NOW. Please do not wait! Keep us in the loop about your progress. We all want you to be safe... the rest will come, but please leave ASAP.
|
|
somnium
|
Feb 7 @ 11:39PM
|
|
|
I agree with everyone above! Cut your losses as soon as you can and end the relationship- you have your whole life ahead of you yet- don't waste it on an abuser! He has issues and they don't need to include you!
|
|
cottoncandydragon
|
Feb 8 @ 12:25AM
|
|
|
What they said. And keep us informed.
|
|
mo_stargazer
|
Feb 8 @ 2:30AM
|
|
I'm really suprised by the response to this blog, but I do really appreciate all the feedback.
I feel so weird about the situation because on one hand I know I deserve better, but on the other hand I just feel so used to it that it's almost normal for me.
|
|
flavorbuster
|
Feb 8 @ 8:04AM
|
|
I agree with everyone else as well but you could do what bloggers have talked about before in this movie about a man that was cheating on his wife. If you got a mean streak & had enough pour a lot of baby oil on the bathroom floor while he is in the shower then work his ass over when he stumbles out.  Realistically he could get hurt that way more than intended so the best thing to do is leave before he does get to the point of severely injuring you which by your statements it sounds like it's in the makings so make like underwear & haul ass while you can !
|
|
alybai42
|
Feb 8 @ 8:07AM
|
|
|
Until you get out it will feel normal. It is a part of your lifestyle. And not a good one either. I was in a abusive marriage. I stayed for almost 6 years because I felt like no one else wanted me. Or I was no good. It took me a while of planning and moving personal stuff out a little at a time so he would not figure it out. I had to move 1000 miles away so I could be safe. He still found me. Be begged me to come back, made all kinds of promises and I said NO. I had to remind myself on why I left.
|
|
RevDocLove
|
Feb 8 @ 8:21AM
|
|
|
I just feel so used to it that it's almost normal for me.
Number one thing you need to understand is, that is
NOT normal for anyone but an abuser..
Get over your insecurities and stand up to him..
LEAVE NOW!!! 
|
|
lunanegra
|
Feb 8 @ 8:29AM
|
|
|
but on the other hand I just feel so used to it that it's almost normal for me.
That's just it- do not fall back on that kind of thinking. Although I can honestly say I've never been in your exact situation, hoping and waiting for it to change and "getting used to it" would only have you stagnate.
I loved a bad person too at one time. He wasn't abusive, but he was an epic douchebag and I kept trying to make him look good in my eyes because I felt he was the only one for me and I couldn't do better. Wrong. I'm on my own now and it will hurt but what would hurt more is the time lost on some waste of carbon while decent and wonderful people will never get the chance.
Take these ladies advice and get out.
|
|
dmbchick420
|
Feb 8 @ 8:39AM
|
|
|
Take these ladies advice and get out.
Yes....it is only going to get worse if you stay. You DO deserve better.
I'm very sorry you are going through this....(((((hugs)))))
|
|
SpunkyRed
|
Feb 8 @ 8:52AM
|
|
You absolutely need to "get out, while the getting is good"!!!!!!!!!! Do it for your own sanity and start fresh!!!! You don't need that crap in your life, no one does! I wish you the best and keep us informed!!! 
|
|
StraddleMyNose
|
Feb 8 @ 10:18AM
|
|
|
I'm going to have to agree with the others on here
|
|
3zcumpany
|
Feb 8 @ 10:35AM
|
|
As everybody has stated leave his sorry ass! Abuser? Absolutely!
Look at it this way:
You are a young, beautiful, woman with no children, or any extra baggage. You have a nice smile and pretty hair. You seem very down to earth. That makes you just as important and pretty as anybody out there. There is absolutely no reason in the world you should be treated or talked to any differently than anybody else! You have to remember who you are without him. Be proud of you and what you have the power to do, and NEVER, NEVER, let anyone walk on you! Remember there is nobody "better" than you out there. Just put yourself in the #1 seat for a minute and look at what is happening. You will see that ending it is the best thing to do for you. Then when you do leave. Keep yourself in the #1 seat. There are a lot of guys that feed off of women that don't show a lot of confidence in them selfs. And there are a lot more good guys that find a strong confident woman way more attractive anyways. Don't let him steel your smile!
|
|
RJ53
|
Feb 8 @ 10:52AM
|
|
|
Please call the number Ion the website I gave you. They have counselors there who understand this kind of situation. Let me give you a hint it is NOT NORMAL to be treated that way. How do you think abusers keep their victims around for so long? They make them think they have no other alternatives. It is not going to get any better, trust me on that one. . One of these days he is going to forget he does not want to lose his job and hit you. He is already abusing you verbally and mentally. There are people out there to help you get out of that situation but they are not going to fall out of the sky into your front yard. You have to contact them.
|
|
darkwolf431
|
Feb 8 @ 11:07AM
|
|
 hey there all i can say is that a man like that is not a man. a realy man will always take care of you and never make you feel that way a real man will make you feel like a queen every day that he is with you and make love to you like you where the only woman in the world. so if i where you get you a real man one that will make fell the way all weman should feel aways
|
|
casuallylooking
|
Feb 8 @ 7:16PM
|
|
|
I feel like I have no where to go because I gave up everything to move here. You may have given up a lot to be there, but you didn't give up everything. You still have your Life... but if you continue to stay with him one day he may just loose enough of his temper and take that away.
It wouldn't be the first time that's happened in situations like yours.
In my opinion, get help and get out. Now. Regardless of where you have to go for the moment. There are people who are there to help you and show you how to start over to a better life.
|
|
Dione
|
Feb 8 @ 11:58PM
|
|
If you want your life back... or a life at all you must leave. Please call and get assistance from the place RJ53 recommended.
I am very concerned about you. Unfortunately none of us can take you by the hand and get you to safety. This is something you must do yourself... call and they will help you.
There is a reason why all of us are saying the same thing... get help NOW.
|
|
mo_stargazer
|
Feb 9 @ 12:06AM
|
|
|
I don't feel like I need help, I just needed to get my feelings out. I think everyone takes this more seriously than I do. I feel like I must be crazy or something.
|
|
RevDocLove
|
Feb 9 @ 7:33AM
|
|
|
I don't feel like I need help
That's mistake #2..You do even if it's to get out while you're alive to do it..
He's not gonna' change until he hurts you badly.....
|
|
lunanegra
|
Feb 9 @ 8:05AM
|
|
|
I think everyone takes this more seriously than I do.
Um, yeah- a guy is talking to you like that and you don't think that's a problem? We take it seriously; because no matter how he has you thinking- it IS domestic abuse. Words eventually turn into something else.
And if it wasn't *that bad*, you just sound like you're coming off as an attention whore.
Sorry everyone, but that's what it seems like.
|
|
ynot7769
|
Feb 9 @ 9:53AM
|
|
|
abuse is abuse..wether its MENTAL ...phsy...or EMOTIONAL or a mix....you MUST break out.n free yourself....or ...drown in it.....
|
|
sugarnspice005
|
Feb 9 @ 10:31AM
|
|
|
I don't feel like I need help, I just needed to get my feelings out. I think everyone takes this more seriously than I do. I feel like I must be crazy or something.
This statement: He threatens me too. Like tonight he said he wished he could punch me and shove my glasses into my eyeballs that's not love, that is abuse. And not to be taken lightly. Love isn't supposed to be about feeling numb, it's supposed to be about feeling happy, cozy, comfortable, and NOT numb, or wondering what set off your partner.
I've been there, it starts off with the threats, escalates to a slap and all the apologies and promises that it won't happen again, claiming they love you and didn't mean it.....only to have it happen again and again, and again, each time getting worse. I walked out on my own and never looked back. Love is about happiness not violence. Seriously, you really need to leave him. You can do so much better.
|
|
mo_stargazer
|
Feb 9 @ 12:35PM
|
|
|
you just sound like you're coming off as an attention whore
Yeah...The first thing I wanted after being yelled at was to get all kinds of attention. I thought about deleting this damn blog because now everyone just thinks I'm dumb, but I know people put their time into giving advice here so I don't want to discredit that.
The only reason I blogged here is because I feel like I need to vent, but I don't want to do so on facebook or any other site that my friends are on. I don't tell people who know me about what goes on in my life because I don't want that kind of attention.
Anyway luna, you can think what you want, but I know that I am not an attention whore. Not here or any other part of my life.
|
|
lunanegra
|
Feb 9 @ 2:02PM
|
|
Fine. So I was a tad harsh in my assessment, but what's the use of having this all out in the open, people offering help, but you don't want it though?
You aren't weak, and you want help or else you wouldn't of posted this blog.
Its not the end of the world if you leave this guy. 6 billion folks out there, and apparently some clamoring for your attention now it seems. Leave that guy to rot, or else it'll get much worse than it already is. That's my minus 98ยข
/over and out
|
|
skip1944
|
Feb 25 @ 11:59AM
|
|
|
What you shared in your blog is how it all starts. Then he pushes a little more, and a little harder, then before you know it, it's physical. How often do you read about, hear about and watch things of this nature that start out somewhat simple, and and then mushroom to more. I'm an older guy who has witnessed some of what you're going through and the outcome, if left unattended, "ain't pretty". Get help, then get out!!!!
|
|
Ewe_Wish
|
Feb 25 @ 1:06PM
|
|
Should you decide to stay with him..........let me tell you what you're in store for..............soon the abuse will get worse............he will hit you.....if you're lucky only once or twice.......and if you are even luckier he will then leave..........you will call the cops and he will be arrested.......they will tell you to get a restraining order..........you will.......and than you will set there feeling bad.......because you have taken his abuse so long that it no longer affects you..........you will start thinking its your fault.........he will get a hold of you..........protection order be damned......and tell you how sorry he is.......that it will never happen again......you will feel guilty and lonely and you want to believe him cause "you love him".....so you cancel the PO and drop the charges........state may still charge him but you will testify for him in court.........it was all your fault......and he will get off with a small fine............and than you two go happily home........
Than comes the next time you piss him off, maybe you forgot to pick up toilet paper.....or maybe you fried his eggs a bit overdone...........and he hits you again.......over and over..........if your lucky you will still be able to call the cops............it will start all over......he will be charged.....you will drop the charges......you're lonely and feel bad hes in jail.......you take him back.......
this can keep repeating itself.........but suddenly the cops stop responding as fast............all the places that gave you assistance to get the PO, maybe give you a safe place to be....ect.........no longer is so quick to help you........by this time you have alienated your family, because you don't want them to know he beats you, and that you won't leave him,. because after all you love him......
Than the night comes, the final explosion, he beats you so severely that you end up in the hospital.............or he holds you hostage after the cops are called and finally respond.........will he kill you...........will the cops kill him........will he kill himself..........or when the cops respond you are lying on the floor dead.........
Either way it happens.........it will happen...........you still want to live with this man...............do you still want to do it in the name of love...........
|
|