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Things My Momma Taught Me....

posted 2/2/2010 7:57:03 PM |
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  theSkwirl

If you are going to do the crime, you'd better be ready to do the time.

I hope the screwing you're getting is worth the screwing you're getting.

If you fall out of that tree and bust your head you can't go to the store with me.

If you cut off your foot with that lawn mower, don't come running to me.

Counting to three is as far as a parent needs to go. If you've gotten to three and the children are still misbehaving? It's beatin time.

No, it isn't fair. If it was fair, everyone would be doing it.

You want sympathy? Look it up, it's in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.

If you plant the bulbs upside down the people in china will be upset when the daffodils pop up in the middle of their fish ponds.

There are starving children in Africa who would be happy to eat your dinner.. so shut up and eat it.

You want to run away? Ok, but be sure you take all your clothes, all your toys, your dog, the cats, your rabbit and don't forget a blanket and a jacket. You can load it all in your wagon and get the hell out of my sight. You want a pillow? No, the pillows are mine.

You will go to church and learn about Jesus or I'll kill you.

We do not discuss bodily functions at the dinner table.

Get your elbows off the table. Bring your fork to your mouth not your mouth to your fork. If you're going to eat like a pig, go down to the barnyard, the slops will be served in the morning.

Stay single and raise your kids the same.

Only marry your best friend, that way when the sex is gone you've still got someone to talk to.

and most importantly and pointedly...

If you haven't got anything nice to say? Shut the fuck up. No one wants to hear your negative shitty attitude.

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   read more blogs!

Blogs by theSkwirl:
Once Upon a Time... (maybe twice)
Bloggity Blog de blog blog blog
Celebrating St. Patricks ... pagan style Yo Padraic!
A Skwirl with Spring and Cabin Fever
Super Bowl Commercials and Questionable Content
Things My Momma Taught Me....
Whaddya Think?
My favorite repost for Comet
Once Upon A Time: In Pervia
Musings on Life Part 2


Comments:

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StraddleMyNose

Feb 2 @ 8:01PM  
Lets not forget "back in my day, I (we) had to...."
RJ53

Feb 2 @ 8:14PM  

If you haven't got anything nice to say? Shut the fuck up. No one wants to hear your negative shitty attitude



My personal favorite of all of these.
PinkToeNails

Feb 2 @ 8:15PM  
Counting to three is as far as a parent needs to go. If you've gotten to three and the children are still misbehaving? It's beatin time

Mine used to get a whipping just cause I had to count to ONE!

xquseme

Feb 2 @ 8:16PM  
between shit and syphilis
We used to call that the "taint" ('Taint one, or the other, but somewhere in betwixt)
If you haven't got anything nice to say? Shut the fuck up. No one wants to hear your negative shitty attitude.
Momma sure was smart! More of us ought to have listened...
lunanegra

Feb 2 @ 9:23PM  
f you haven't got anything nice to say? Shut the fuck up. No one wants to hear your negative shitty attitude.

Here here!

Seems like our little brat is hollering for attention again. Someone pop a titty in his mouth so he'll shut up, please?
Sunshine79

Feb 2 @ 9:42PM  
There are starving children in Africa who would be happy to eat your dinner.. so shut up and eat it.


OMG, I heard that one a million times!!

Get your elbows off the table. Bring your fork to your mouth not your mouth to your fork. If you're going to eat like a pig, go down to the barnyard, the slops will be served in the morning.

I heard this one alot from my Dad. Now, I yell the same to my kids, lol
sugarnspice005

Feb 2 @ 9:43PM  
If you haven't got anything nice to say? Shut the fuck up. No one wants to hear your negative shitty attitude.

awwww damn!!! Ya mean I gotta keep quiet? You know that ain't easy for me.

And here I thought I'd been doing pretty good too.
sawduster

Feb 2 @ 9:50PM  
i especially like the last one. hugs
MsHelle

Feb 2 @ 9:52PM  
Momma said, both Granny said and Daddy said it - maybe not in those words but definately that feeling.
Ewe_Wish

Feb 2 @ 10:05PM  
I think we had the same mama.........or at least a close relative.............

my mama could have added to the list...........

I will kill you and tell God you just up and died on me.........

You have two choices with dinner...........eat it or go hungry.......

Of course you don't have to feed the animals..........but in my house I don't have to either..........and since you are my animals..........the choice is..........either feed yours or I don't feed mine.........

Good Blog......kudos
RevDocLove

Feb 2 @ 10:24PM  
Ah yes..I remember it well
RJ53

Feb 2 @ 10:56PM  
Mine was "I hope you grow up and have a kid just like you" when they were misbehaving. I think I got one better. My daughter grew up and her youngest is just like me. Now that was cruel and unusual punishment. Love my little mini me though. She is definately a handfull.
somnium

Feb 2 @ 10:59PM  
Some of those sound awwwfully familiar!!

KitKat25

Feb 2 @ 11:24PM  
This one was popular in my house...
If Sally jumped off the bridge...would you jump off the bridge too?!
Or...
I don't care what so-and-so does...I'm not so-and-so's mom!
Or...
You better stop rolling your eyes...otherwise they'll get stuck in the top of your head!

Yep...my mom knew them all.

Cute blog Skwirl. Leaving you a greenie.
orzie

Feb 3 @ 12:03AM  
I could leave you with a funny taste in your mouth .
but dont worry I wont tell your mom
belle1010

Feb 3 @ 12:06AM  
My dad's favorite these days is "I cared yesterday, today...not so much and tomorrow not at all".
casuallylooking

Feb 3 @ 12:07AM  
"if I've told you once, I've told you a million times and I am tired of repeating myself."

You better have your ass in this house before the street lights come on or I'm locking you out.

If I EVER catch you with a cigarette I'll make you eat it, now hand me my cigarettes.

If you ever run away from home don't expect me to waste my time looking for you. But when I find you............
selectusername

Feb 3 @ 1:56AM  
Mine used to say "ugh" when I smacked her in the head with a lead pipe!

I know, not exactly PC humor but it seemed funny when I thunk it.
sundance64

Feb 3 @ 6:41AM  
my best answer to all children for any question like "why can't I..." or "why do I have to..."

Because I said so!
lunanegra

Feb 3 @ 8:10AM  
-No kicking or spitting

-Don't dig ditches or you will fall in one

-As long as you live under my roof, you'll do what I say. The minute you can't, you know where the door is.

I know there's more but I'm pretty foggy in the morning ;its probably variations of what everyone else said.
1bunny629

Feb 3 @ 1:16PM  
Turn the lights off! Turn the lights off! Get off the phone! Get off the phone! I hope you marry a man that owns a ketchup factory! I hope you marry a man that owns a ketchup factory! ....huh....I am sure there were more??? oh yeah....your wasting water! Your wasting water!....so one day while everyone was gone I took out all the light bulbs, turned off the water to the house and whn everyone came home I had a guy come over and ask my dad if he could marry me, his name was Bubba Heinz!

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Things My Momma Taught Me....