Yes, it's true. I was hoping it was just a fluke, a momentary condition of a day or two but it is progressing.
I tried searching the internet for any information I could find but there was none to be had....it always came up 'no results found'.
As I mulled over the symptoms for several days, they seemed to be vaguely familiar. Every morning I languish in bed....bone weary and achy and feel somewhat depressed and wonder if this could be fatal.
Sleep eluded me last night as I tossed and turned then drifted off about daylight. Three hours later, dragging myself out of bed I began my routine....turn up thermostats as I pass them, feed the fish, feed the cats, make the coffee....go pee...and not necessarily in that order...I began to get a faint glimmer of what this condition is. As I drank my first cup of coffee that little light finally came on and I knew what I had....IBS or....
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Irritable Bonnie Syndrome......  
AKA....
February funk
Winter doldrums
The bitchy blahs
all due to the tiniest germs known as the beginnings of spring fever.
Ahhh spring fever's comin' early this year and that's not a good sign...not in Indiana where the frikkin' weather is totally fickle until after Memorial Day.
It's the fault of the January thaw followed by the nearly instant plunge into the Arctic deep freeze...where we seem to be stuck.
The beauty of the snow covered river is beginning to get on my nerves...now the trees just look bare 'n boring and the whole scene reeks of fucking COLD!!!
But alas...this forced hibernation I'm finding is fruitful in an unexpected way. It's time to make some changes...major changes, or they are for me. Not BIG changes, just different than I've planned for so long.
My writing is one of them. It's come to my attention that I'm fucking sick to death of writing about past things...yet I have nothing current nor does that look to change in the future with the way my life is going right now.
I need new...new life, new perspective...new ANYTHING!! I love living on the river but it doesn't give me much to work with in terms of writing. Neither does the Eagles...or even this little town.
It is time for Softie to go out and explore and have some "most excellent adventures" as my one sister calls them. The rest of winter will be spent preparing ME...you know, my self improvement project and it is coming along just fine. Maddeningly slow but at least it's working. I increased my treadmill time from 30 to 45 minutes last night and also increased the weights and sets on the gym.
And although it isn't quite Feb. first yet....that is when I'll measure everything again....I did a sneak preview this morning and was very pleasantly pleased... 
My writing for now will be for my own pleasure...and journal. Our newspaper is just shrinking to the point that they seldom have room for my stories now. It is 80% ads anymore. Besides...I believe my writing for them was for a season and that season is over.
I have had tunnel vision all my life and this morning is the first time I've realized that. The limits on my life have been set by me, no one else. In the past 2 years my life has shrunk to within my family and never venturing any farther....that will change as the weather turns nice. I'm going to get me a decent camera and start with day trips. Re-accustom myself to venturing into unknown territory to prove to myself I can do it and there is no such thing as 'hopelessly lost'. I will still my fears a small trip at a time.
I have no desire to travel the country...nor can I afford that. But I've seen very little of Indiana and I'm sure it can keep me occupied and entertained for quite some time. And who knows....I just may venture farther before this year is over and guess what?
I'm sure it won't be long before I get over having to pry my fingers off the steering wheel and thinking I'll never be able to find my way home again.
But big cities?  NEVER!!! For me lost forever becomes a reality there...trust me, that's more true than you can imagine.
So for now, IBS will nag me like a festering sore as I grumble my way through Feb. and March. But on the other hand, it's kinda nice to have this writing thing off my back and now my thoughts can turn to exploring new things and places. Who knows, that also may open new doors for writing.
Time will tell.
Softie
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read more blogs!
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theSkwirl
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Jan 29 @ 2:02PM
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I've got a bad case of the SAD this year too. Sigh. Come ON spring.
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soft_touch938
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Jan 29 @ 2:07PM
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Oh  I ain't no good at this...SAD?? Ur gonna have to clue me in.....geez I'm 
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xquseme
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Jan 29 @ 3:01PM
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SAD?? SAD=Seasonal Affective Disorder. For those susceptible, it is due to the changing
of the seasons, and the lack of sunlight. It is relieved, or lessened, by exposure to
sun lamps, or similar treatment. (Do some research before attempting this on your own!)
One of my brothers suffers from this, and I suspect that I may, too. I can't wait for
the warmer weather so I can get back to my bike riding!
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Dione
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Jan 29 @ 3:56PM
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Symptoms of SAD may consist of: difficulty waking up in the morning, tendency to oversleep as well as to overeat, and especially a craving for carbohydrates, which leads to weight gain. Other symptoms include a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating on completing tasks, and withdrawal from friends, family, and social activities. All of this leads to the depression, pessimism, and lack of pleasure which characterize a person suffering from this disorder.
We all have a touch of this in the winter time due to the lack of sunshine and having to stay inside for long periods of time. In my family we call it 'cabin fever' and is easily alleviated with a brisk walk outdoors, visiting with someone who makes us laugh or doing a different activity we normally don't do.
Winter is a good time for introspection. I know you have been doing a lot of this lately and I have too... it may seem as though you aren't doing anything, but you actually are even though it isn't something you can always see. You are on the right track... just keep doing your new activities, journaling and thinking about the things you want to do next.
I must have screw loose because I walk or drive to places alone whether in a large city or a small town. I get in the car and drive until something appears that interests me. Getting lost is part of the adventure and the way I find something new I didn't know before. Or I may decide to go to an art gallery, a museum or a different kind of grocery store. I recently found a Mexican grocery store and buy most of my groceries there now. I have to stop and read the labels... some in Spanish, but I figure it out. Do something that gets you out of your comfort zone... it stimulates your brain and makes it work in ways it hasn't done for a long time. Mental exercise is just as important as physical exercise and when you combine the two you'll be amazed how everything else looks and feels... for the better.
So put on your 'discover' hat and see what you can find... and don't forget your camera. Take pictures of anything and everything... very close up, far away and in-between... it will help you see in a different way. Can't wait to hear about your adventures.
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Ewe_Wish
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Jan 29 @ 5:10PM
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Maybe thats what my problem has been lately.........and if not...........good enough excuse anyway...........LOL
I hope spring comes fast for all of our sakes.......
good read..........kudos
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sugarnspice005
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Jan 29 @ 5:50PM
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Yep Softie, I know what you mean. That January thaw we just had gave me a taste of Spring, and now I've got cabin fever. Also, up here, we didn't get much snow, so, it's looking blah around here with the dusting we have and the brown grass showing through it. Bring on Spring! I'm ready! 
You get a digital camera, make sure you have a couple of memory cards with it. Believe me, once you start taking pictures, you aren't going to stop. Nature is such a wide open canvas of art to capture.
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RevDocLove
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Jan 29 @ 7:20PM
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Symptoms of SAD I get that even in the great sunny weather here 
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onehornytoad69
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Jan 29 @ 9:04PM
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Do ya really have IBS?
I have it...and its a Pain in the ass!! They have drugs for it now......Check that out plz!
I cant afford it... with no job or Ins.! 
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zaralyon
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Jan 29 @ 10:16PM
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yeah, I got that too, and on top of all that i'm just fucking cold and sick of it!
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soft_touch938
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Jan 29 @ 11:37PM
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Oh yes....that's right...seasonal affective disorder....duh. Well I knew what Skwirl was talking about but just couldn't put the words to the letters.
I don't think I have SAD...just IBM. It's otherwise known as lack of patience. Ya see, I've got plans and they'll sure as hell be a heck of a lot more fun when its warm weather.
I know my fears of traveling are irrational...except for in big cities. I can't deal...my ability to function ceases, I have no sense of direction at all and I'm one breath away from total panic and meltdown...I don't do cities.
But I don't plan on waiting for spring to get started....just until this present ultra frigid weather pattern breaks. It's suppose to warm up next week.
Anyway....I was just clowning around with the IBS....assuming ya'll know what that really stands for. I just thought Irritable Bonnie Syndrome fit my current situation to a 'T'.
Thanks ya'll for commenting and for the kudos.....hugs!
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Sunshine79
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Jan 30 @ 12:27AM
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LMAO, that was cute!
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StraddleMyNose
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Jan 30 @ 12:35AM
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I guess I don't have those worries
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DesertSmile
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Jan 30 @ 10:11AM
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IBS...Cabin Fever...SAD....it all has the same effect on us.
I just get into a Rut..going to work, caring for hubby, going to work, caring for hubby and I forget about ME and make work and his care my life.
I try to make small nudges to myself to get out and do more but I know how you feel Softie, it is up to each individual to give ourself a good swift kick in the ass to do something about it.
I hope you do venture out past your little small town to discover what is around you. And, you don't have to visit a big city for that to happen.
Hugss....
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