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History Will Repeat Itself

posted 1/23/2010 1:11:50 PM |
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  Ewe_Wish

I read in a blog this morning....I believe it was Wow's about failed marriages that history will repeat itself.........I was thinking that many times in relationships we are doomed before we start because many times history does repeat itself. We tend to be attracted to the same type over and over, and even if its not something that is good for us............we can't help but be attracted to what we are........or can we?

I think women have a tendency to be attracted to men like their fathers. Now this can be a good thing if you have had a father who was sweet, gentle and kind.........but that isn't always the case...........and I am sure it probably works the same with men with their mothers. Now this is in general terms so please don't jump my ass and say no fucking way am I attracted to someone like my dad/mom.

I have always been attracted to men who were know it alls........the problem with that is..........two know it alls in the same house usually are doomed not to make a relationship work..........and I will admit that i have tendencies to lean toward being a know it all............hey I recognize the problem and I work on it daily................

The problem with the men that I am usually attracted to is that they are also control freaks...........and I hate being told what I can and cant do and who I can be with.....most of the men that I have been (not all but most) have been abusive whether physically or mentally.......Now it isnt that its been that way with all the men in my life but all of them have been to some degree..When I decided to get back into the world of I would like a Long Term relationship I was afraid that history would repeat itself...........so when my honey first started emailing me (and the fact that I had known him from when I was living in MN before) I thought this man and I are never going to be anything but friends...........but after a few dates I realized that this was probably the nicest sweetest man I had ever met and I was indeed attracted to him .............we have been together now for almost 6 months..........not one argument, not one time of me thinking its time to move on.........I made a conscious effort to give someone I would normally not be attracted to a chance and i find I am the happiest I could possibly be..........

Do you believe that you are attracted to the same type of person no matter how the relationship ended? Do you think you could consciously make the effort to date someone you normally were not attracted to....to see if there is a chance of something more? and just for shit and giggles...........Do you think you are attracted to the man/woman that has the same characteristics as your dad/mom?

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Comments:

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Sunshine79

Jan 23 @ 1:28PM  
I always end up with the same kind of people. Sub conscious thing. They are all from New England. Then there is a list of similar qualities. It's funny.

I've consciously tried to go the other way and can't.

Do I think the men I seek have some of my dad in them (quality wise) yeah. I like a handy dude.
RJ53

Jan 23 @ 1:41PM  
My Dad was a bit of a badass reckless type and so was the first guy I fell in love with. But they had a side of them where they were loyal and would give you the shirt off their back if they thought you needed it. Problem is when you meet someone who if just the badass without any other side to them and the kind who will take advantage of those who trust them. That did not work out so well.

I see my youngest son attracted to younger versions of me. I find a bit of humor in that. Good thing is that I always get along with his girlfriends.
Wordsofwit

Jan 23 @ 1:42PM  
I did a blog related to this subject a few years ago that sums up my sentiments.
theSkwirl

Jan 23 @ 1:45PM  
Yes, I did, and now .. it's been 9 years :D good years btw.
theSkwirl

Jan 23 @ 1:56PM  
Oh I forgot the last question.. no I've never been attracted to anyone like my dad or mom.
TastyCupcake

Jan 23 @ 1:59PM  
I agree that many of us are attracted to the same physical type no matter how the previous relationships ended or in what state the current relationship is going. Have you ever watched Cheaters? It always cracks me up how men especially fool around with women that look exactly like their wives or girlfriends. It seems like if a person was having problems with another person, he would want someone who is the complete opposite physical type; but often that isn't the case. Maybe the new woman looks like the other girlfriend or wife but acts completely different. Who knows?
I probably wouldn't consider dating someone to whom I wasn't physically attracted to see if physical attraction would eventually blossom. I usually know right away if I am physically attracted or not and haven't had a situation where no physical attraction eventually turns to physical attraction, but there is a first time for everything.
somnium

Jan 23 @ 2:17PM  
Well... the only time I can think of history repeating itself, is the kicks in the ass I get when I fuck up!!!

DarkKnightWalking

Jan 23 @ 2:35PM  
To change that which occurs in relationships...one must first change oneself within. And permanently, not just for a lark.

That also applies to life itself. To effect a change in one's life, one must first change themselves as well. One seriously and intensely honest self inventory, then changes in self, then other changes such as appearance, job, lifestyle, hobbies, etc. In other words, we tend to place ourselves in ruts. And life follows the paths. To break the rut, we must first break OURSELVES from that rut.

Also...I read a couples book a few years back. That particular authors feeling was that we often seek out those similar to those who have influenced our lives in great ways. Often a father or mother, otherwise a past failed relationship. We tend to steer towards those so that we subconsciously attempt a "do over" to fix the past or the shortcomings of a role figure. So they advised to be watchful for such things in the face of new relationships. Made sense to me, and also to me indicated yet another possible rut to fall into.

Break patterns, and always be watchful for same. Ask yourself daily, "Is this what I want and benefits me or makes me happy, or is this just something I am used to and will settle for."

My nickel.

Ewe_Wish

Jan 23 @ 2:48PM  
Thank You DKW..........wonderful response..........and I agree that we cant just change for the sake of changing we have to change within ourselves........another point or at least how it was with me.............I found when I opened myself up to others .......as in..........so what if I was never attracted to this type.........I have never given it a chance either.............I was attracted to my honey from the beginning as in sexual..........just didnt think or perhaps want to see if it would go any further because i just knew it wouldnt.........once i opened myself up to the possibilities that it could and would work was when I realized that the type I had been attracted to was just one of the types because i had never given anyone else a chance............

also to be honest.........I never thought I deserved to have a nice guy in my life.......when I came to the conclusion that I did is when I allowed myself to open up to him...............
borty293

Jan 23 @ 3:32PM  
I've always been attracted to women who wear multiple layers of panties.

My last girlfriend wore 35 panties daily. It was difficult getting in and out of the car...but hey...when your in love does it really matter.

Both my parents were directors of a nudist camp...so not much affiliation there.

Do you still wear your woolen panties Ms.Ewe?
Ewe_Wish

Jan 23 @ 4:17PM  
Do you still wear your woolen panties Ms.Ewe?

Im afraid not Borty............but hell you only knit me one pair and than forgot to tell me not to wash them in hot water..............I wore them until I got a horrible rash..................no really thats what the doctor said it was from...........the antibiotic was just a precautionary.............
maxximuss1967

Jan 23 @ 4:54PM  
Hey sunshine...I am handy and you can call me daddy! wana fuck?
Sunshine79

Jan 23 @ 5:17PM  
Hey sunshine...I am handy and you can call me daddy! wana fuck?


OMG!! C'mere.....
ksk72

Jan 23 @ 5:20PM  
I admit I used to to the same thing, dated alot of guys that were alot alike. But I did realize it and changed my behavior. My BF is nothing like my past men and I am the happiest I have even been. We been doing great together for over a year now.
Wordsofwit

Jan 23 @ 6:01PM  
Omitted the greenie, oops.
sugarnspice005

Jan 23 @ 7:46PM  
I think women have a tendency to be attracted to men like their fathers.

Somewhere my youngest sister missed the class on this one. Our Dad is a "miss no work unless he absolutely cannot move" kind of guy. Also, he always shows respect to others, didn't swear in front of my sisters and I when we were little, always did the "outside" work, mowing the lawn, till the garden, rake and till the flower beds for Mom, (she then planted her flowers and took care of the), shoveling the driveway, general maintenance on the house, and, every year, on Valentines Day, he gets Mom a vase with pink and red roses, and a big box of chocolate.

Guys my youngest sis has been with...all had the same problem, selfish, didn't work, wouldn't lift a finger to help around the house, and always swore in front of her kids. And I will not get into the last creep...just thankful that asshole is in prison for the next 13 years.



Mick, not quite like my Dad, but close. He did all the "man jobs" as he liked to call it...mowing the lawn, car maintenance, etc...BUT, he was a damned good cook and wasn't afraid to do dishes. Let's just say I about fainted the first time I ever saw my Dad do dishes, and that was because Mom got sick and was in the hospital. It was an agreement they made while dating....she would do dinners, dishes, keep the house clean, stay home with us kids and he would go to work, do the outside work, car maintenance and house maintenance. Oh, and when it came to redecorating..they did that together.



I have always been attracted to men who were know it alls........the problem with that is..........two know it alls in the same house usually are doomed not to make a relationship work..........and I will admit that i have tendencies to lean toward being a know it all............hey I recognize the problem and I work on it daily.

I was going to say something smart....but......she beat me to it.

Mick, like I said, good cook, good mechanic, etc..but he also had a romantic streak, he wasn't a "flowers and candy" romantic, he was more poetic. I wish he wrote down the stuff he would say, it was sweet. And sense of humor, omg, he'd have my ribs hurting at the end of the day he was such a smart ass. One of the biggest differences between my Dad and Mick, Dad is an avid hunter and loves to fish, and, Mick didn't. Other guys I've seen, were hunters, and some fished. But one thing all have had in common, is a crazy sense of humor.

Good blog...leaving you a greenie.
StraddleMyNose

Jan 23 @ 11:14PM  
Very good blog question, Dayna!

Do you believe that you are attracted to the same type of person no matter how the relationship ended?
I have been attracted to a few different types, not just one.
Do you think you could consciously make the effort to date someone you normally were not attracted to....to see if there is a chance of something more?
I don't believe so
and just for shit and giggles...........Do you think you are attracted to the man/woman that has the same characteristics as your dad/mom?
Maybe some characteristics if any.
mrknowuwell

Jan 26 @ 3:35PM  
I am only attracted to playboy centerfolds..........it really does not workout so well between us.......I usually get a restraining order before I ever get a date
Dione

Jan 26 @ 4:10PM  
Break patterns, and always be watchful for same. Ask yourself daily, "Is this what I want and benefits me or makes me happy, or is this just something I am used to and will settle for."
Well stated DNK... I am a proponent of this behavior as it serves me well.

I do think there's truth to being attracted to men or women similar to our parents, but I know it doesn't work with everyone. And I think we can make conscious decisions to change, but it requires dedication and real work to do so successfully.
surv6969

Jan 26 @ 4:22PM  
My first wife was a controlling bitch. I didn't know how much so until shit went South. It is always nice when people I don't really know come up to me and let me know just what they really thought of my ex and wonder how I stayed with her so long? Love can blind you..

My current wife is the complete opposite of my ex.

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History Will Repeat Itself