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The double standard between boys and girls...why?

posted 12/28/2006 10:03:24 PM |
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  mjs1970

I posted a blog a few days ago about what do you tell your children about sex and dating. SxzeBBW asked a very intresting question in her reply....Does it matter if it's a boy or a girl? What do you say to boys? to girls? Do you approach it differently? Is it ok for boys and not ok for girls? If so, why? I believe there is. NOW, mind you...I didnt say it was right, or fair, Im just telling you how I feel about it. If my boy came home and told me that he got laid, I would give him a firm talking to about condoms, diseases and pregnancy....My girl would be locked in her room until she was 30....
Again...let me stress that I never said it was fair and I can't give you any real rational reason that I feel that way....with that in mind, what do you think?

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happy_mom

Dec 29 @ 2:03AM  
I have 3 boys ages 12, 10 and 7. when it comes time for "the talk" i'm going to tell them all the same thing. "Think twice before you have sex. I know there is going to be pressure but don't let pressure force you into having it. I know there is nothing I can do or say to keep you from having sex but when the time comes please use a condom. If you don't feel right buying them please tell me and i'll buy them for you. Don't be embarrassed to tell me, don't forget I was your age once myself".
If I had a daughter it would be pretty much the same talk except I would tell her to be careful who she was going to have sex with. There are to many boys out there just looking for sex and who don't care who they hurt as long as they get what they want. I would add that once you lose your virginity you can't get it back so when mr. right comes along you won't have it to give. when you have sex with someone for the first time it should be something special and not something cheap, quick and forgotten soon
JJN4Fun

Dec 29 @ 10:49AM  
Okay, I'll admit that I am guilty - to a degree - of this double standard. I have always been open with all my kids when the issue of sex came up...not about MY sex life, but about sex in general. But I have been consistent with both sexes in encouraging abstinence for as long as they possibly can hold out - for the simply fact that the sooner they start, the riskier sex is. Kids don't take the risks (or consequences, physical or emotional) of sex nearly as seriously as they should - and I know what I'm talking about because I was guilty of thinking "it won't happen to me". He might have been my first love (and my first ever), but that didn't stop me from getting pregnant shortly after becoming sexual active. (Count back folks, I just turned 43 and my oldest is 25 1/2...my next one is 24.) So, in that respect, I've been equal in my preachings about being responsible when it comes to having sex.

However, you are SOOO right about my reaction to finding out any of them were heading in that direction. When I found out my son (the 2nd one) had sex (which he volutarily told me when I brought it up), I went and got some condoms out of my closet and put them under his pillow...No, I wasn't saying "go fuck your brains out!"...I was saying, "if you're gonna do it, do it right - and safely!". But, here's my daughter at age 12 and I'll kill the motherfucker who gets into her pants before she's 18. Her dad took the initiative first to talk straight to her about sex (kudos for him!!!) and everyone else has done the same - me, both her brothers, my niece/daughter, and my god-daughter...my daughter has many sets of eyes on her. The boys simply want to protect her virtue - the girls want to prevent her from being used and/or ending up pregnant - as they both did before they were 18. (I love my grandkids but I was PISSED when I found out they were coming, I won't lie). So, I admit to having a bit of a double standard in that I think it's a bit riskier for girls than for boys, but my "teachings" have been the same to both sexes...though for different reasons.

Now, I will also say that when I found out my niece/daughter was sexually active, I had a straight talk with her then ran her ass into the dr. and got her on birth control right away. She did not resist, nor was she embarassed. Didn't stop her from getting pregnant, but I did what I could. (By the way, my mother also had a talk with me and offered to get me on BC, but I was in denial that "it" could happen to me.) My god-daughter will tell you the same - that I did my best to prevent her from being irresponsible with sexual activity...Right now, my great debate is whether or not to get my 12 (almost 13) y/o in for some BC - she seems to be on the edges of activity - came home with a FUCKING HICKIE last week...grrrrrr! No, a hickie does not means she's having sex or is even close - but it's a step in that direction. I'm torn between "will it encourage it" and just playing it safe...An old friend of my came over this summer to introduce his new grandbaby to me...his daughter - the mother - is 14.

Double-standards? Yes, they exist...but I think, in the case of "sex talk", it's for a good reason. Or am I wrong???

If I'm not making sense, please forgive me - my head is totally stuffed up and I feel like total shit!


cabl_guy

Dec 29 @ 11:01AM  
I have two sons, 14 and 17. I would have to say that I would definately have to approach "the talk" with a daughter completely differant. I know this because of sister-in-laws and nieces that perpetually date losers.
Boys and girls generally look at sex differantly. The boys have the primal urge to procreate and don't associate emotions with it as much as girls. Whereas, girls are led to believe that "putting out" is necessary to get or keep the guy they want.
Sorry to say, but guys are generally dicks that will say what the girl wants to hear just to get in her pants. The girls are the ones that end up hurt in the end. So, yes, unfair as it is, I still think they should be given differant talks.
JJN4Fun

Dec 29 @ 11:05AM  
Primal urge? Cabl_guy, I have to say it is naive of any man to think that women do not also have innate physical urges that are most certanly related to procreation. Do you think it's a conscious thing to be horny as fuck around ovulation time? No, no, my good man - it's nature's way of telling us it's time to get pregnant. The issue then becomes what do we teach our kids about that - the messages sent out from society as a whole. And society as a whole says it's okay for boys to fuck but not girls. Why?

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The double standard between boys and girls...why?