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Marriage...To Be or Not To Be - For Love or Money?

posted 1/19/2010 3:17:32 PM |
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  Wordsofwit

This post will be much more applicable to older readers. There are people who have found what they believe to be there life mate. Still others seek to find one. Some people believe strongly that a couple should ultimately get married while there are others who consider it a piece of paper and want to avoid the entanglements if the relationship comes apart.

As we get older, I feel that financial considerations play an increasingly important part of one's sentiments. I will cite two examples of this.

My ex has been with her current husband (number four) for 20 years. He wanted to get married and she balked for ten years. What changed her mind was the passing of her mother and others she knew who did not have health insurance. She saw people survive major medical issues but their finances did not as a result. She opted to marry her SO so that he would have health insurance as his employer did not provide it.

On the other side of the coin, there is my dad and his last girlfriend. Though in love at the time, they chose not to get married to avoid complicating things. Both had their wills and estates lined out the way that they wanted and did not choose to complicate things by injecting a spouse into the financial and legal mix if one passed on before the other.

For me it would depend upon the circumstances. As I am not in any form of a relationship right now, I really can't say. I know that I might get creative in dealing with it and that I would look very closely at the laws of the state I reside in concerning estates and inheritance.

Often, sadly, after a person dies, the carving up of their estate brings out the worst and most selfish sides of people.

But then for others, there is no turkey to carve, only a sparrow. If there is no real estate or nothing of monetary value, there is no fight or issue. If somebody doesn't have a pot to pee in, there is not a pot to fight over.


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Comments:

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sugarnspice005

Jan 19 @ 3:49PM  
When I was in my later 20's to early 30's, I thought a lot about getting married, especially after meeting Mick. But, I've seen relationships that have gone bad, and the ugliness it brings out in divorce courts...and, it's not something I would pursue. I've hit a point where I enjoy being "me" and don't need to be married to be whole.

Financial security? I grew up in a family where we were taught to provide for ourselves and not rely on others. Sure, things are tight for me now, but, I don't plan on it being that way the next 30 years. I feel it's up to ME to provide for myself, and that is what I'm going to do.
Dione

Jan 19 @ 3:52PM  
Great question. It's fraught with multi-levels of decisions to consider which all revolve around the individuals concerned and their specific circumstances.

I agree as we age, financial issues play an increasing role in the decisions we make. Since being widowed, this is the first time I have considered the possibility of living with someone as opposed to marrying them.

I value my independence more than ever before. If the possibility presents itself I will be very cautious about the decision(s) I would make with my partner. Logic would have to take the lead even though love would be the primary motivator to be with someone. Beyond that I do not know what I would do.
somnium

Jan 19 @ 4:30PM  
I stated elsewhere that marriage at this point in my life, is not a probable conclusion UNLESS, she stands out beyond my previous two ex wives intellectually and disposition wise and that hopefully, she'll think of me in the same way! I don't deny, she will need some patience getting used to me as most women in my age group, fairly recently divorced won't have been on their own for nearly as long as I have been IMO! So, I'll need to change some of my ways accrued through all these years of being on my own, to make compromises for her life style- which to me is what a successful relationship is about anyway- compromise and respect!

somnium

Jan 19 @ 4:51PM  
I stated elsewhere that marriage at this point in my life, is not a probable conclusion UNLESS, she stands out beyond my previous two ex wives intellectually and disposition wise- not for money but for love and that hopefully, she'll think of me in the same way! I don't deny, she will need some patience getting used to me as most women in my age group, fairly recently divorced won't have been on their own for nearly as long as I have been IMO! So, I'll need to change some of my ways accrued through all these years of being on my own, to make compromises for her life style- which to me is what a successful relationship is about anyway- compromise and respect!

RJ53

Jan 19 @ 6:25PM  
I have stated in the past some laws in various states that can cause a problem if you are not married to the person. In this state if you are not married you cannot be considered next of kin in a medical situation, and if they have children you can be prevented from even seeing them. If the two are living together and one passes the other one can be tossed out on the streets by the deceased one's kids if the house was in their name. That happened to a lady I worked with. The guy had a will saying she could live in the house as long as she lived, but the kids contested it in court and the judge backed them on getting her out of there. She was 63 years old and homeless. This couple had lived together for 25 years. The kids were by his first wife. I would say it depends on laws in the state you are in and what is the best for everyone involved. Sometimes people also forget that what is law in one state may not be the law in another state so if they move ir is something they need to check out to avoid nasty situations in the future. Doesn't sound very romantic, but laws seldom are.

Other than that, once you are past the age where you are going to have kids, I see little purpose in getting married unless you are thinking of it as an expression of your feelings for each other.
YohanLondon

Jan 19 @ 6:26PM  
I almost did get married 7 months ago. Almost yes. My ex was older by 11 years. We had planned it for a few months. Then out of the blue came this demand that I be circumcised. She being a Jewess (not practising though) took me by surprise..shocking to say the least. I know that this is elementary in the USA but not so in the UK. I went to consult my GP and was a reluctant husband to be...I pulled out of the relationship on the day of the procedure.
Marriage was not to be but not for money but to be myself. I do not regret it. Yohan.


theSkwirl

Jan 19 @ 8:01PM  
I'm a bit bitter on the whole marriage issue. I'm completely committed to my fella but I will be the queen of Barsoom before I ever get married again... so my answer.. not for love nor money.
whisperingcomet

Jan 20 @ 7:44AM  
I dont think i will ever feel the "need" to be married again, if i should meet someone that i wanted to share the rest of my life, home, and material items with, I would think any attorney could write up a contract????
dmbchick420

Jan 20 @ 8:42AM  
My mom and stepdad lived together for about 15 years before they got married. He was in the hospital and dying. My mom wanted to be able to take care of his estate when he died, so they had to get married.....and they got married in the hospital It was kinda weird to me, but I understand why she did it. I just think she should have done it a LOT sooner, but she didn't because she had already been married twice and I don't think she was thinking that far ahead...I guess
Wordsofwit

Jan 20 @ 9:10AM  
For some people, they link marriage with divorce and fear the latter more than they enjoy the promise of the former.
RJ53

Jan 20 @ 12:39PM  
I would think any attorney could write up a contract

Contracts can be contested if other relatives take it to court. All they have to say is that the person making the contract was not mentally capable of doing so at the time. Then it is up to a judge as to what happens to property and living rights on property.

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Marriage...To Be or Not To Be - For Love or Money?