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Long Distance Relationships - the First Meeting - LDR

posted 1/17/2010 9:19:47 AM |
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Many people have attempted long distance relationships (LDR). Some have been happily ever after while others have been the Titanic; disasters in the middle of nowhere and thousands of miles from home. The big event is actually meeting in person for the first time.

If two people have talked on the phone extensively and established a good rapport, the time will come to take the next step. But how does this worK? Who visits who or is it a neutral site like a meet up in Vegas? Is there carefully selected criterion involved or is it something as simple as who has vacation accrued and take time from work?

My natural inclination would be to want to visit them first. I want to see first hand what their reality is.

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Jan 17 @ 9:28AM  
Sometimes, depending on can be a weekend trip. Further away might warrant some accrued vacation time.

I've went and met a guy before. I drove to him. I paid to get there.

I've had a guy fly to me before, from 2500 miles away. He also used skymiles for a free flight, so who was paying was no issue.

Jan 17 @ 9:36AM  
I've never been involved in a LDR, so I can't comment.

Jan 17 @ 9:48AM  
Back when I was still working 6 months a year and had the summers off,
I've made some pretty long flights to check people out..
I just looked at it like a vacation with benefits..
Fortunately, none of them worked out..
But then I never didhave any high expectations..
Mostly just a summertime time killer..

Jan 17 @ 9:57AM  
I took a trip down to Austin which is 200 miles away for a meet up. I didn't have high hopes but it was low risk and a nice place to visit. I had a wonderful weekend but nothing further came out of it. But then again this type of excursion is really off topic. After all, many people on here reside in places that nobody would want visit unless there was a strong connection.

Jan 17 @ 10:02AM  
There are places where certain members live that I would like to visit. Money has always been the issue though for me.

Jan 17 @ 10:04AM  
...not for a relationship...just friends or more...maybe...

Jan 17 @ 10:47AM  
Money, location (not just distance), time and inclination all have influences in this situation... and it depends how flexible and/or serious you are whether these obstacles can be over come.

If I'm traveling over 250 miles to meet someone for the first time, I prefer to meet them in a neutral place and have a place (with friends, family or hotel) of my own I can retreat to for privacy, if things don't work out OR if things are going well. If the relationship turned into something more, I would want to spend time with them in their home as well as mine. I think people need to spend real time together under real life conditions before you can begin to know someone well.

Jan 17 @ 11:12AM  
I don't really know. If he is fairly close he usually comes here. I've had a couple of times I've gone to them but it's not my favorite thing to's out of my safety zone.

So what's a LDR? Is that meaning just a growing friendship with no other expectations? Or are you talking that it is leading to something more committed?

Ya see...I may NEED committed ...but I don't want anything committed. I think if a guy KNOWS that and still wants to meet me and he's long distance then he can foot the expense to bring me to him.

Just a footnote here...the few times I've gone to him, it was a day of just hanging around and it weighed heavily on keeping a conversation going. That's why I like them to come here....I make optional plans to choose from to actual DO something together. At least there's a choice of going out for awhile or staying in.

That just "hangin' around" has pretty much nipped my going to meet a guy on his turf in the bud.

Jan 17 @ 11:27AM  
I try to avoid romances with people in distant areas, but if the relationship was initiated on their end, *they pay* to see me. As uncompromising as it is, it shows me that they are serious about me, and to basically pay for inconveniencing me when I told them beforehand, I wanted nothing long distance from the jump off.

See why I'm alone?

Jan 17 @ 11:42AM  
When a long distance relationship establishes itself with the couple(s) involved after a journey of connecting with that person on so many levels, it's always important to take it to the next level, and that is meeting that person face to face finally. I'm sure both are going to be extremely nervous when the time comes to meet in person, but that's part of life and the norm. If I was involved in a long distance relationship, I would more than likely drive or fly on out to where she may live to meet her to take it to the next level. I would want to spend time with her on her turf and be able to finally touch and hold her in my arms physically. After that, the ice has been broken and both can continue to grow in the relationship with each other.

Jan 17 @ 11:50AM  
Very eloquent and good points, Straddle. I would, of course, want to see the emotional connectivity in action in 3D. But on the mental/logical side, based upon past failures and successes, I want to assess the functionality in regards to if it is doable for the long term. There have been a lot of people I enjoyed being with but could not live with for the long haul.

Jan 17 @ 12:02PM  
Considering the fact I do not want to get involved with anyone in this area for very good reasons. (They are either military and way too young for me or they tend to be rednecks) any relationship I have would have to be LDR. I think who goes where would largely depend on what is going on in both of their lives at the moment. However I would run a background check on anyone I was planning to meet for the first time. I would have to talk to someone for quite some time before I would travel to meet them. I did travel to St Louis to meet an online friend.. I stayed in a hotel and we had a nice time hanging out and seeing the sights. We are still friends but left it at that because why mess up something that works? I had someone come from Germany to meet me when they had leave. It did not work out well. We got along great online but not so much in person. I think that a LDR can work out well but there has to be a lot of trust there.

Jan 17 @ 11:40PM  
You definitely need to meet each other and spend time together before a move ever occurs. I've done the LDR before and it's worked out successfully, but I know other people haven't been as lucky.

The grass will always appear's keeping that fantasy in check so it matches the actual reality. Easier said than done in certain situations...but it can be done...and it can be very rewarding.

Good blog topic. Leaving you a greenie.

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Long Distance Relationships - the First Meeting - LDR