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For those of us with kids....

posted 12/27/2006 11:12:35 PM |
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  mjs1970

I have two little ones. When me and thier mother split, they were VERY young. I have dated quite a bit and now they are old enough that they notice. What do you say to your children about dating and sex? Are you truthful? White lies? An out and out lie? I personaly tell white lies. Until recently, I used to have women stay over when I had my kids. I don't think that sends a good message to them, so I do not do that anymore.

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The double standard between boys and girls...why?
For those of us with kids....


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Kevin2006

Dec 27 @ 11:22PM  
Tell them the truth. My parents never told me about that stuff when I was growing up. I had to do a lot of thinking on my own to get things straight.
So tell the truth.
StraddleMyNose

Dec 28 @ 12:23AM  
Every information is not meant to be shared with certain people. You can tell your kids the basics, but no need to tell them everything that is too personal with you and your dates. I respect the fact that you quit having women as your dates staying over with you and around your kids. I think that was the right move and it does send a bad message by them staying overnite.
DickSlippery

Dec 28 @ 12:29AM  
Kids don't distinguish between so-called "little white lies" (this is my French teacher. Didn't I tell U Daddy wuz going back 2 school?) and more serious untruths (I wuz just out fishing, an when I came home Lacy wuz gone!). However, it has been my experience that they figure out quite early on whether or not their parents lie 2 them, and then they treat them accordingly.

DS
JJN4Fun

Dec 28 @ 1:04AM  
DS is right; kids don't differentiate between big lies and litte lies - and they learn by example. All but one of my kids is grown now, but I asked my 24 year old how many boyfriends he remembered me having...he said one. My ex (who he considers his dad but is not). Is that all there were? Nope. heh-heh-heh...Damn, I'm good! Mama got her groove on - ya know I did - but I was discreet. Sleepovers were for when the weren't home, and I had a steadfast policy that my place was at home every night (unless I was on the road but that wasn't until they were older); that they woke up to me and me alone. (BTW, it still is - I still have a 12 y/o at home.) It wasn't until I was in a long-term/serious relationship that they ever woke up to a man in my home (that being my ex)...and that was only after I knew they all got along. If you only have your kids part time, I say it's best to put your love life on hold when they are there. It's one of the many sacrifices parents make for the good of their kids. But that's just my opinion...
cabl_guy

Dec 28 @ 5:02AM  
I agree that honesty is the best policy. Once they catch you in a lie, you'll play hell getting back their confidence. Be it a big lie or white lie.
I recall being young (it's TRUE, I was.......lol) and catching my parents in lies. I was sceptical about trusting them after that and would sooner ask my friends.
I would definately refrain from any show of affection in front of them, or sleep-overs, unless you're truly serious about the lady.
I explained it to my boys that we're all lonely in life and have the need to find people of like interests to satisfy our issues with self-worth. It didn't mean that I loved them. It just meant that I loved how they made me feel about myself as a person. That being the reason I spent time with them.
Better to find a truthful, tactful way to deal with it. Kids remember everything. Good luck.
Looking4ever

Dec 28 @ 7:47AM  
My policy is that my kids know NOTHING about who I am seeing until I am ready to be seriously involved with that person. One child is an adult and feels like she has the right to know. Nope. She does not. The other is younger and, for obvious reasons, doesn't know who mom dates. Since my divorce, I haven't been in a relationship serious enough to introduce my children to anyone. So, definitely haven't had any overnight guests or PDAs around the kids.

As for the lying? You don't want your kids to lie? Don't lie to them. Like cabl_guy said, hard to back peddle when you get busted...and kids are smart cookies...you will get caught in the lies.
LadyMaura

Dec 28 @ 11:51AM  
When My parents split for a time- My mom asked my sisters and I first if we minded if she went out on a date with a goyim that owned a bowling alley- of course we said no. But my father wasn't as courteous. He'd take us over women's houses and leave us on the couch watching tv while he went off to their bedrooms. I was 4 or 5 at the time and I still remember it at 22. If you want to become involved with women, don't involve your children until you're serious, and keep all sex UNDER raps. Children are extremely fragile and if they don't see daddy with mommy but with some other woman when they aren't ready, it can lead to resentment and heartbreak.
JJN4Fun

Dec 28 @ 11:59AM  
One child is an adult and feels like she has the right to know. Nope. She does not.

Ya! What's up with adult kids trying to tell parents who they can and can't see - or what they can and can't do? Oh, but let you try to offer your opinion on someone they're seeing and you're likely to face the firing squad! Damned kids! Try having a preacher for a kid!!!

Sorry...a bit off topic.

I'm wondering if anyone thinks the sex of the child comes into play here? My ex would talk openly around my boys about loving T&A (using that term) and liked to encourage them to check it ou...but will warn the girls (mine and his) about showing T&A and beating up boys who look...what's up with that shit? Do people feel it's okay to let one sex child know more than the other sex?
bentan

Dec 28 @ 6:48PM  
I'm wondering if anyone thinks the sex of the child comes into play here? My ex would talk openly around my boys about loving T&A (using that term) and liked to encourage them to check it ou...but will warn the girls (mine and his) about showing T&A and beating up boys who look...what's up with that shit? Do people feel it's okay to let one sex child know more than the other sex?

This is interesting and deserving of its own blog. But I'll bite ... lol. I see it as the dad is applying the same knowledge differently for the boy and girl. Knowledge: T&A good. Application to boy: get some. Application to girl: don't let em have it. It's all about keeping the goods in the family and grabbing some of others if possible. Somewhat endearingly selfish as any good parent should be but not inconsistent.

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For those of us with kids....