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Analogies & Metaphors

posted 1/5/2010 8:33:03 AM |
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  Sunshine79

These came from the annual "Dark and Stormy Night" competition. Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20.. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.


....... ......... .......... .......... ........... .......... .....

Anybody wanna fuck?

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Comments:

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Taisen

Jan 5 @ 8:40AM  
Thanks for the morning chuckle. Funny !
selectusername

Jan 5 @ 8:43AM  
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
< Laughed out loud at that one!

Rolling you a green pumpkin, not like a real green pumpkin but more
like a blob of green pixels or something....
RevDocLove

Jan 5 @ 8:51AM  
Funny Funny Funny
Wordsofwit

Jan 5 @ 9:00AM  
Sounds like stories written by teenagers for an English class. Pretty funny stuff.
dmbchick420

Jan 5 @ 9:36AM  
The lame duck one was one of my favorites too.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.


surv6969

Jan 5 @ 9:55AM  
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
what an image

20.. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
There are way to many Phil's out there.
Dione

Jan 5 @ 1:02PM  
Thanks Sunshine... these made my day! I like them all, but this one is best:
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
sugarnspice005

Jan 5 @ 1:19PM  
Those were funny.

Here's a greenie for the chuckle.
aspiringwriter

Jan 5 @ 9:40PM  
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

Best sentence I've read in a long time.

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Analogies & Metaphors