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DER GOVERNATER

posted 12/30/2009 11:03:05 PM |
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tagged: fuck, funny, sunshine
  Sunshine79

Der New 2005 California State Employee Handbook

By Arnold Schwarzenegger

SICK DAYS

Ve vill no longer accept a doktor's shtatement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doktor, you are able to come to verk.

PERSONAL DAYS

Each employee vill receive 104 personal days a year. Dey are called Saturday and Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that dey can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because dat's all der time needed to drink der Shlim Fast.

DRESS CODE

It is advised that you come to verk dressed according to your salary. If ve see you vearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, ve assume you are doing vell financially and derefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so dat you may buy nicer clothes, and derefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-betveen, you are right vere you need to be and derefore you do not need a raise.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE

Dis is no excuse for missing verk. Dere is notting you can do for dead friends, relatives, or co-verkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to da arranchments. In rare cases vere employee involvement is necessary, da funeral should be scheduled in da late afternoon. Ve vill be glad to allow you to vork troo your lunch hour and subsequently leave vone hour early.

RESTROOM USE

Entirely too much time is being spent in da restroom. Dere is now a shtricht 3-minute time limit in der shtalls. At der end of tree minutes, an alarm vill sound, der toilet paper roll vill retract, the shtall door vill open and a picture vill be taken. After your second offense, your picture vill be posted on der company bulletin board under da "Chronic Offenders" category.

Tank you for your loyalty to our great shtate. Ve are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Tank you, DER GOVERNATER


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Comments:

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1bunny629

Dec 30 @ 11:05PM  
Funny...I was just checkin out pics of Sylester Stallone and Arnold was in a bunch of them....hmmmmm....ya must have felt my derfingerpeckin.....
sugarnspice005

Dec 30 @ 11:06PM  
Well! Glad I'm in Michigan and not in California.
theSkwirl

Dec 30 @ 11:07PM  
*snort* derfingerpeckin.
zaralyon

Dec 30 @ 11:08PM  
LOL funny as hell, would love to see this approach brought up in staff meeting someday.
ynot7769

Dec 30 @ 11:13PM  



he'll be back
1bunny629

Dec 30 @ 11:19PM  
....
Sylester
...ya see...I need my V fixed...now why the hell does it work when I control V???? ...ha! I made the Skwirl snort on ver vlog!
ynot7769

Dec 30 @ 11:24PM  
@ Bunny....yer V huh? hmm...need me to repair your V fer ya
StraddleMyNose

online now!
Dec 30 @ 11:40PM  
Ohio is in better shape than Cali, but not by much
somnium

Dec 30 @ 11:53PM  
ynot works on der "V"s and I like working on der "Y"s!!!

1bunny629

Dec 31 @ 12:04AM  
a Y is just a V with a little tail in it......
somnium

Dec 31 @ 12:17AM  
a Y is just a V with a little tail in it......
Yup- it's the tail I'm thinking about!


RevDocLove

Dec 31 @ 8:03AM  
Ja wohl Herr Governator
dmbchick420

Dec 31 @ 9:18AM  
OMG....the lunch break and restroom use....that was funny as hell.....

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