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my own privagte wake

posted 12/22/2009 7:27:12 PM |
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here i go one more time, and by the time i finish this blog, hopefully, it will all be out of my system. i know tomorrow the capt. morgans is still gonna be giving me hell, but tonight i hold a private wake, in the old irish tradition. and do you know what the real reason for an irish wake is perchance? for those who don't, i'll enlighten that dark spot in your knowledge, as related to me by a true and fair irish lass of long gone acquaintance.

i guess you can tell, me and the captain have already begun., but on to the task at hand.

long ago, men were not supposed to cry over anything, period. they were strong, stout of heart, and spirit. they felt nothing, and showed even less when it came to emotions. which we all know know is a big crock of bull shit. anyway, when a close companion, or friend, or brother in arms that one was quite close to came to their final demise, a wake was held for them. supposedly just to make sure they didn't suddenly arise from the casket or tomb, or at least that was the main suggestion. no, it was to let all these big strong irish males blubber their eyes out, and have the drink to blame it on. also to tell tales of what ever bravery were accredited to the fallen, or bravado. to lie to each other about what a rotten scoundrel he was, and how everyone was better of without him, or to priase him and tell what a loss to the world in general it was.

i either case the ale, or meade, or what ever brew was at hand flowed freely, as did the tears. and the more booze, the more tears. till no one could stand, and all had passed out. the next day everyone could still claim their steadfastness and not really caring as the booze had wiped all traces of the nights memory from their minds. supposedly.

but today, men can show emotions, and the wake has largely passed into myth in many places. i like to think tho from what i know of my now gone friend, he would approve of a good wake. so this blog is in that tradition, and in his memory. and if i get a lot off the wall, tomorrow unless i read this, i won't remember a thing.

kevin was big, bushy, a wee bit prone to stretching the truth, but solid as a friend. he could be loud almost to being obnoxious, but stayed just a half step below that. a less perfect human would have been hard to find, unless you ran across me. oh we made a pair, him big and burly, me small and almost frail in comparison. in many ways we were opposites, but together, we could almost move the world. the story of how we became friends is long, and not part of this narrative, but i will say, one thing we both loved was driving those damned big trucks. we are both vagabond spirits, and kindred souls in that respect. i still honestly want to get back to it. if i ever do or not, remains to be seen. but that was the the common denominator that brought us together to begin with.

and rather than engorge this with tales of trials and tribulations shared, i'll let it go to just say, we went thru some trying times and situations together in a short period of time. he was not happy sitting at a desk, or working a 9-5 daytime job. he needed to be on the move, seeing what had changed on this road or that since the last time he was down it. or what new roads this load might take him over, what new sights and places were in store each trip.

and yes, the captain is getting a firm grip on me now, and a lot of what i have had bottled up is going to come pouring forth ere long. already my sight is blurring, and i can almost feel a brush of sympathy for the idiots that will smirk and laugh at this. wait fool, it will happen to you. but as usual stupidity and idiocy i have no patience for, so save the shitty snide comments lest you bring on my wrath when sober. i don't mind naming names in public and quoting your mindless shit. for if that is all you can come up with, crawl in a warm hole and live your life, you have no right to exist in the world of good and decent people.

hmmmmm, did i get side tracked there? oh well, the ass holes that read that will know who they are. and hopefully will do just that.

but this is a wake, and all comments are acceptable.

already my mind goes in different different directions, my fingers fumble more than usual on the key board, and i just now realized i'd left the main reason for this one out. today kevin was put to his final rest, at least in this life. i think i mentioned he had a courier run he did every day, and the last two days, i've done it to make sure the family had a little more cash. and as usual, i can't do much for myself now, i'm broke. but they had yesterday and today for the viewing, and the service for him this afternoon without worrying about that little detail. as it is, the viewing was all i could handle.

there also was some question about whether or not he was in the military. i don't know, he told me he was, but i could not swear to it. but, i had an American flag here, and today i dropped it by his house. i gave it to one of his daughters, and told her it made no difference to me one way or another, if no verification was forth coming, at least i wanted them to have it. i gave it for the loyalty he gave to this country, going to hell tho it is.

perhaps i should quit at this point, and continue this private wake in private. i know it is going to take me a very long time to get over this, and i do not wish to bore anyone with my maudlin drivel. it puts one hell of a damper on what should be a time of gratitude for the friends and family we have, the many blessings we have received during the year, and looking forward to what next year will bring with hope.

i thank all of you who have sent your sympathies and condolences. you may never know how much they mean till people you have never met send you a kind word in your time of need, or grief. and if i get not a comment one here, that is fine, give someone you care about the feeling you wish to extend to me.

so for now, take care all, and may you have a wonderful Christmas, and may next year be one hell of a fantastic ride.

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Dec 22 @ 7:32PM  
sawdust, you are exactly where you should be, surrounded by friends here.

I most gracious ask to attend your friend wake, and would love to hear more stories about the adventures you shared.

Dec 22 @ 8:15PM  
I think your friend couldn't have had a better wake than this. Your stories were interesting and touching and related right from your heart. You and captain have a fine night as you travel your memories but travel safely and know you don't travel alone. We are here to hug you and know how much your heart hurts.


Dec 22 @ 9:22PM  
Duster, dear, I wish you joy and peace for this holiday season. I know your friend is standing beside you enjoying your remembrance of him.

Big internet hugs.

Dec 23 @ 6:51PM  
Hey sawdust, I hope you, Kevin and the Captain enjoyed the wake. We've had all too many where I live, but as far as putting a damper on the holiays, your posts had just the opposite effect. Thanks for reminding us of the true meaning of Christmas, God's sacrifice and the celebration of this incredible act of love.

Dec 23 @ 7:01PM  
doc, this one i am posting for everyone to see. i had to get a few things off my chest, and this seemed like a good venue to do it. if those who read it saw the frailty of our existence and took just one moment to cherish their loved ones, then i did do something good for others as well.

so, hug someone you love and make sure they know how you feel. and everyone, have a grand holiday and a fantastic new year.

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my own privagte wake