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An Adult Night Before Christmas

posted 12/21/2009 3:11:15 PM |
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Not sure how old this one is either, but I've never seen it before and I thought it was funny

'Twas the night before Christmas, and boy was it neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.

The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.

When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.

The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.

With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,
A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.

Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.

They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimmney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and smelled like a whore.

"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay awhile"

He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And six pair of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several more things I shouldn't even mention.

A fuck ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil.

"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch,
Saying,"Take me home, Rudolph. This night's been a bitch!"

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about pussy is you can't wear it out !!"


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post a comment!


Dec 21 @ 3:23PM  
T'was the night before Christmas

There are a lot of variants to it and we are seeing many today. Great minds think alike? So much so that I am going to copy/paste the same comment into all of them as one size fits all. Have fun and a wonderful holiday.
Twas the Night Before White Trash Chistmas


Dec 21 @ 4:00PM  
Funny! Thanks for sharing!

Dec 21 @ 4:40PM  
Love the Xmas parody poems

Dec 21 @ 6:16PM  

Glad to see you back!

Dec 21 @ 6:27PM  

Dec 21 @ 9:09PM  
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
The result of Tequila.
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about pussy is you can't wear it out !!"
Hence forth you can't knock the bottom out of it.

Dec 21 @ 9:19PM  
That was great Holly!!!!

Greenie for you!!!!

Dec 21 @ 9:33PM  
Great one.

Another variation, and one of my favorites:

The Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
the whole goddamn family was drunk as a louse,
with mom in the whore house and dad in jail,
I sat myself down to a cold glass of ale.

When out on the lawn, I heard such a clatter,
I got off my sister to see what was the matter.
And what to my stoned-out eyes should appear,
but a shitty old sleigh and eight fucking reindeer.

With a dirty old man who was beating his dick,
I knew at that moment, it must be St. Nick.
He flew across the lawn and up the house wall,
he cried onward you bastards or it's off with your balls.

Then down the chimney he came like a bat out of hell,
I knew in an instant the fat fucker'd fell.
He filled all the stockings with drugs and beer,
and a big rubber dick for my brother who's queer.

And up again he went with a fart,
that son of a bitch blew my chimney apart.
And I heard him say as he flew out of sight,
"piss on you all it's been a hell of a night."

Dec 22 @ 10:19AM  

Dec 22 @ 1:04PM  
Very funny, thanks for sharing!

Dec 23 @ 5:00PM  
That's Classic..Now I finally feel as if the holidays are here lol

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An Adult Night Before Christmas